apologies

for the radio silence. things are not working out the way I wanted them to with the house. as much as I tell myself that it doesn't matter, that we're still lucky to have what we have, it still sucks. couple that disappointment and frustration with continued physical issues, and I'm slipping into a funk here. trying to keep it together, but it's just hard. and reading how great all these other folks are doing with their training and their progress toward their physical goals is discouraging instead of motivating. I find myself envious and resentful that everyone else on the planet seems to have time and energy to work out, to go on these monumental rides, to run a flippin' 8:00/mile, even though they all have jobs and kids and husbands/wives/partners, and here I am, stuck three steps behind where I was last summer, with all these lofty goals and aspirations drifting further away instead of gaining the clarity of focus that comes with getting closer to those goals. I don't have enough time, and my energy is drained more quickly than I can replenish it, and my clothes don't fit, and my responsibilities are ever-shifting and oppressive and I can't fucking run any faster than 13-minute-miles without my damn HR monitor beeping at me, and I'm. just. tired.

so, yeah, forgive me if I don't post today. You wouldn't want to read it anyway.