So, I went for a run today. Eight miles, toward the gym where I met Hub, and then another 2 miles on the incline climber there. Now that's an awesome machine, I have to say. But, the 8 miles on the way there were good, solid miles, into a kinda strong wind, and uphill for most of it. I felt strong for most of it, and managed to average about a 10:40 pace over the whole distance. The weather was nice and cool, but with the sun shining. It was a good time for me to think. About a lot of things.
One of the things I thought about is the need to get my house in order. Literally and figuratively. I need to lose weight -- this has been a recurring theme on this blog since it was started back in the 'hooha.org' days, because it has been a recurring theme in my life. I need to stand with my spouse and get our financial house in order -- we work too hard and sacrifice too much to have money flowing through our hands unchecked. I can't continue to spend 4 days a week away from my family, and not be getting any traction on our family goals. I'm willing to do it as a means to an end, but not long-term -- my family is too important to me. The more I think about the situation with the house last year, I think it was a move in this direction. It just wasn't meant to be. There's a lot going on right now, both in our household and in the economy, that require some all-around belt-tightening, so that's what we're doing.
All of this, sadly, requires some choices, and for this summer, I choose to pay for hockey camps and gymnastics sessions for the kids instead of TI swim lessons for me. I need a new bicycle if I'm going to do anything more than sprints, and I'm not in a position to buy one right now, not even an entry-level road bike. I want to train for triathlon when I can throw my whole self into it, and have the energy and money to do without guilt. That's not going to happen this summer, and it's not fair to my family for me to spend the time and money required to do so when both are at a premium right now.
So that's the executive decision that was made this morning, on my 8-mile run to the gym. I am not going to do the OKC marathon in a month. I'm not in any better shape right now than I was for Cowtown, and I can't spend the money involved and travel the 3 hours each way just to crash and burn like I did at Cowtown. I don't see that I'm prepared for any different result right at this moment, to make that investment and potentially be disappointed again. So, for now, until I can really get into better race-ready shape, and until I can spend the money involved without feeling guilty that there is something else that could be done with that, I am not going to be racing marathons, triathlons, or anything else (our son's school fundraiser 5K being one notable exception).
I do plan to keep weekly long runs of about 10-13 miles throughout the spring and summer, but I just won't have any races on the calendar for now. If I get into NYC this year, then I'll train for NYC and attack it with all I've got. But OKC will be there when I'm ready for it. And triathlon will be there when I'm ready for it. And I am making myself ready for it, physically, mentally and financially. This is not coming off my radar by any means. I am just coming to terms with the reality that it's not in the cards for this year, and maybe not for next year, either. And that's OK. Because when the time comes, it will have been SOOO worth it. I believe that with all of my heart. I have faith that this is the right thing to do right now, to put things on hold for a while while I work on some other stuff. So, the OKC countdown is coming down. For now. And that's OK with me.