I'm in serious need of a reboot right now. And watching all the excitement over the athletes who are toeing the line at IM Wisconsin tomorrow is making me wistful for the path I was on ages ago, and making me wonder when it's all going to come together for me. I know I consciously put my Iron aspirations on hold a few months ago (yeah, considering I've only got two sprints under my belt, a couple of seasons ago at that, they are definitely far down the road for me), but I need to start working my way back to where I can move toward that goal again. Right now, I'm not even facing the right direction.
I know I just need to start again, and get in the pool, and get back on the bicycle, and for good gravy's sake, just go out for a run more than once a week. But it's harder than I thought it would be now that I'm home again. There is so much that I have to catch up on, that I have to fix, that has been neglected for so long while I was out being Ms. Road Warrior. I'm taking care of a few health issues that have reared their head again, and trying to figure out if they've been the cause of my weight battles, or at least a contributing factor. I'm trying to get the boys set in some semblance of a schedule and figure out what "normal" means to us now. And I need to not be so worried about the end game and the long-term goal, but just worry about today, this week, this month. And I'm trying really hard not to get discouraged when only two pairs of my jeans button properly, and when the drawers full of clothes I wore my first few marathon seasons won't even slide up past my hips anymore. I need to just get out there and do it. Shut the f$#@$ up and run, for goodness' sake. Just do it. All that.
But it's hard. And when someone asked me today if I was doing a 5K in Dallas next weekend, I had to say no, I'm not really running right now. I'm not training for anything at the moment. Not that I can't do a 5K, I can, but I'm just not feeling it. I'm not feeling anything right now as far as setting goals for myself with races or tris or anything, except maybe I'm feeling overwhelmed. And this is worse that when I was just starting out, because I feel like I should be able to do a half-mary without too much effort, or I should be able to do a late fall marathon or a spring full, but I know right now that I can't. Because I'm just not there. And I need to get over it, and get over feeling bad that I can't do it, and instead get my butt in gear so that I can get there, get myself to where I can do it.
I need a reboot.
I'll be glued to the web tomorrow afternoon, watching the finish line at IM Wisconsin. I'll be wishing all the athletes godspeed and safety and that tomorrow is their day. And I'll use it as a chance to reboot, and re-energize, and re-commit. One day, my Iron friends, one day, I WILL be there with you. I can't tell you exactly when it will happen for me, but I haven't given up on it. It's not a matter of IF I do Ironman, it's a matter of WHEN. There's a ton of work to do before then, but I've got to start, to REstart, sometime. And there's no time like the present. Now is when I turn around and start moving in that direction again. Now is when I reboot.