2011 Retrospective, January to June

It's that time of the year, when everyone looks back at the months that have elapsed and goes, WHA' HAPPENED?! I know it's not just me that is marvelling at how the year just zipped by, right? So, there has been much afoot around here lately and yet not much to report, but I thought it about time to look back at what's gone on in 2011, and then maybe in the next few days I'll have some crystallized plans (and be ready to share them definitively) about what's in store for 2012.

2011 was a year of many ups and downs in my running life and for sure in my non-running life, and interstingly enough, the two are definitely commingled and interdependent. Funny how that works, huh? The best way for me to remember all this is month-by-month, so here we go!!

January
We started off with a bang on New Year's Day, with the inaugural running of the New Year's Day half-marathon. My friend Suann paced me to a near-PR and helped me push to my limits post-gall-bladder surgery and gave me the confidence I needed that I could come back from that little time off last November. It was a gorgeous clear morning, and an all-around good day!! I think I placed in the Athena category, too!! Go me!

Jim A, me, Suann & Mark L post-race

Without wasting any time at all, the EBV headed south on I-35 for my first 50k on the rocky inclines of #Banderawesome. My knee decided to revolt, but luckily, I had my dear friend and Trail Partner in Crime Sarah along, and on the trip got to pick at the brain of my Ultra Trail Pusher JLDay and then also meet up with sweet Julie and Fawn. It was a day to remember, for sure, and on that day, I became Ultra Mama C!

Banderawesome. Start to finish it lived up to it's name!

No, not hilly at all.. 

A couple of weeks later, I was back at it at the Benbrook Half Marathon, to run up & down One Nice Hill. Saw a good group of folks at the start, and enjoyed a good challenging workout, even though my time was not what I had in mind. Ended up with the TINIEST half-marathon medal ever, too!! It's seriously smaller than my key fob!! 

Pre-race at Benbrook Half. 

The next day, we had a little semi-reunion of the White Rock Girls and added Elaine and Libby to the mix for a loop around our Favoritest Lake We Love to Hate.  Good times for sure!! 

 

White Rock Lake Fun!

January Stats: 

Total Miles: 130

Number of Races: 3 (two half-marathons, one 50k)

February

February was when Snowpocalypse 2011 enveloped all of FW-D in this crazy ice and snow, making it impossible to get out of the house without yaktrax or snowshoes. Some people improvised and drove screws into their shoes. Others of us waited it out, until we coudn't stand it anymore. I caved and did 15 miles at 24-hour Fitness on a Saturday afternoon, somehow staying on that treadmill for two hours and 45 minutes. CRAZY. 

The next weekend, I inadvertently helped create one of the greatest rivalries of our time when I introduced Drum to Ninja. Or Ninja to Drum. Either way. They both came out to run a 20-miler in Fort Worth with me before Cowtown, but ended up leaving me in their dust with Suann while they became fast friends (literally fast!) and ran the whole 20 miles together.  I found them both at the end, drinking beer. Little did we know!! 

FW Running Company 20-Miler

After that 20-miler, I went back out to White Rock the next day for another WRL Girl run. Those never got old. All throughout the year, in all kinds of weather, it was never hard to say Yes to a run around the lake. Never. 

Reunited!! 

Good times at the lake. 

The month ended up at the Cowtown Marathon. My Bubble of Love. Probably one of my top five running moments of the year, despite coming in just a bit too short on my goal for the day. No matter. I thought the Bubble was lightning in a bottle, that we could never recreate that magic. Nope, I was thankfully wrong, and the Bubble has been there in many other shapes and forms not just for me, but for all my Frunners, all year long. I fully expect that to continue. 

The Bubble 

Suann pacing me to a near-PR on a miserable day

February Stats: 

Total Miles: 121

Number of Races: 2 (20-miler and full marathon)

March

March started off with a BANG, quite literally, as I ran the Texas Independence Relay with 10 other crazy women, dressed in pink tutus and boas, as the cannon shot off to send us on our first leg of the 201-mile relay from Gonzales to Houston. Good times, there, good times!!

The Mad-Dames, TIR 2011

FRUNNER!!! 

Look who we found!! Twice actually!! 

Van #1. Or, wait, were we Van #2? I can't remember!

Then, it was time for another marathon, this one out on trails at what we now affectionately call "Sandlands." This one was monumental because it was my Marathon Maniacs qualifier, and even though I slogged to a spectacular 7+ hour finish, I was greeted at the finish by, you guessed it, FRUNNERS!! What a joy to get to the end and see so many smiling faces!! Totally reminded me of how lucky I am to have all these great people in my life!!

YAY! Waiting for me to finish! Rockstars!! 

Pre-race with Ninja & Drum!

  

Ended the month with another loop around White Rock. 18 miles with Fiona & Mel, although Mel ran 2 more than we did. Because she's a beast like that. 

<3 This makes me happy!

March Stats: 

Total Miles: 104

Number of Races: 1 (one marathon)

April

The highlight of the month of March without a doubt was Hells Yeah Hills. My second 50k, and the one in which I ran side by side with my friend Julie as she became an ultra-runner! It was such a great trip, beginning to end, with lots of time on the road, at the start, on the trail  and post-race at the campsite with Julie, Jeremy, Fawn, Sarah, Libby, Stacy, Coco W, Matt, Fiona, Greg and Dat. When I think about how much fun the atmosphere at trail races can be, this is what comes to mind, with Fawn's trail orphans running barefoot to bring in the 50-milers, and just sitting enjoying the day. Lots of fun for sure! So worth that last NINE MILES!!

Who's the dude sporting Ink n Burn back there?!

Julie & Sarah, my 50k pals

 

NINE MILES!

Cherry sporting her bling!! 

After the fun of Hells Yeah Hills wore off, it was time to get down to busines with our last long run before Oklahoma City. I went up to Grapevine for this one, to meet up with Marci & Kris and put the last bale of hay in the barn, as it were. It was miserably hot, I remember that, for so early in the year, and we were so grateful for the first sprinkler run/water dousing by a friendly lake neighbor. That was a tough one for me, physically and somewhat mentally, too. But, as the song goes, I get by with a little help from my my friends, and we ended our run with tired smiles, per usual.  

More running with Frunners came a couple of weeks later at Allen, as we ran a few new paved trails up yonder and ended with the nice chatting and camaraderie at the end. This kind of group run reinforces to me that most runners don't care what your splits are, or the pace or distance, or even if someone is sidelined with an injury, that we are all just one big happy group! 

Cassie had right idea with the blanket. It was still chilly!

Toward the end of April, I again met with a big group of Frunners, this time out at Northshore for some trail goodness!! Good friends, dirty trails, bagels & beer at the end. Who could ask for anything more? 

Why am I in front? #ASH

Like a totem pole! 

April Stats: 

Total Miles: 134

Number of Races: 1 (one 50k)

May 

Wow. May. So much to say about May and the races I ran and the fun times on the trails. Sadly, this month was also fraught with pain and uncertainty as I faced my father's illness and my impending surgery. I was determined to make the most out of every day that I could. Looking back, I think I did a pretty damn good job of that, if I do say so myself!! 

The first race of the month was Oklahoma City Marathon. Much has been written, said and remembered about this race, so I won't go into it again here. Just suffice to say that those of us who were there will be bonded through the rain, hail, lightning and cold for life, just as those who ran White Rock here a few weeks ago will forever remember that day. What a day!! 

WRL shirts. We looked better from behind than usual! 

Lightning? Rain? IS THAT ALL YOU GOT?!! 

Right after OKC, I drove down to my hometown to spend some time with my paretns, and got to run a bit at the Bird Center Loop trails down there. It was an unexpected find, but did wonders for my troubled soul at that point in time. Those runs, however short, reinforced to me that at my soul I am a trail runner. 

The Arroyo Colorado, Harlingen, Texas

Hot, dusty & dry. Welcome home. 

Got things settled with my parents and then headed home in time to meet my Frunners out at my favoritest trail in FW-D, Knob Hills. I always have loved these trails, and there's always an adventure to be found out there! My "Happy Place" is here, and even though some people find the trail not technical enough, too short, or too boring, I find it magical. Always will. 

Brought Tim out for a little trail run! didn't even get lost this time!

Um, this girl needs a barrette. or scrunchy. or something... 

Had a couple of more chances to run trails that month, including some paved trails out at Arbor Hills. Sadly, it was a little too muddy for dirt that day, but it was a good time on the north end of FW-D, with lots of NTX frunners to be found!

Far North Oklahoma! =) 

Look who we found! 

Some kind of club, it seems! 

Way too happy to be running! 

We followed that nice little social run up with another dose of trail goodness, Beer & Bagels style!! Trails, good friends, fancy-schmancy breakfast after. Can't be beat, I tell ya!

Good times. Great pic when the EBV is in the shot! 

Discussing merits of Best Pack Ever? 

Actually looks like I can keep up!! HA!

Fi & Cherry, post-run!

DIGGER! Dirty boy!! 

Beer & Bagels or Huevos Rancheros with Bloody Marys? 

I ended the month with a 5k out at the Trinity River in Fort Worth with Bojana, my favorite goddess, and Marci. This run sucked mightily, thanks to the crazy humidity and the complete number my body was playing on me by then, as I anxiously awaited Operation Girl Parts Be Gone. It was a struggle to break 30 minutes, whereas a mere five months before I could have gone 28 minutes without breathing heavily. Tough day, but as usual, the post-race socializing, sharing and conversation more than made up for what went down on the race course. Story of my life, right there!! 

May Stats: 

Total Miles: 100

Number of Races: 2 (one marathon, one 5k)

June

June started out by me deciding to not run the Minneapolis Marathon that had been on my calendar for a few months. I had airfare bought with miles, but had not registered for the race until the week of, and when it came time to hit Submit, I just couldn't pull the trigger. I was tired, my body was wiped out from crazy hormonal surges, and I just needed a break. So I didn't go, forgoing my chance to level up to two stars in Marathon Maniacs. And that was just the right thing to do. It gave me a chance to recharge a little bit, and to be available for Libby's birthday run, as she tackled 31 miles over the course of a weekend. She had a big group with her on Saturday for most of the miles, but still needed a few more on Sunday. 

Libby & Michael finishing up Birthday run part the second.

Obligatory self-portrait AND butt shot in ONE! #FIGJAM

The next weekend, it was back up to the north end of the world for another social run with NTX, and a little body-work by our favorite LMT Erin. I think this is the furthest I've ever driven to run a 5k, but it was so worth it. It was a gorgeous hot summer day and seeing good friends is nearly always worth the drive and the solo dance parties in the EBV.

Half of Team K & the Best LMT You Know

This was a good day! 

Trail goodness!

The last group run of the month for me was out at, wait for it... White Rock! Of course it was, with the full contingent of the WRL girls who ran the full at OKC. We'd had time to dry out, thaw out and otherwise mostly heal from that adventure, and it meant so much to me that they all came out to run before I headed into surgery two weeks later. The  WRL girls are a common theme in 2011 for me. This group dynamic was forged in the heat of August long runs, tempered in the cold and rain of Oklahoma City, polished through countless calls, texts, emails and IMs. When I think about my Frunners, and my Bubble of Love, these are the faces and voices that come to mind first. 

Through fire I would walk for these girls. Through fire. 

Right after this run, I was called down to the Valley, to my roots, to say goodbye to my father. The day after I arrived, the day after he died, I ran.  The next day, I ran again, by myself, through the bird center preserve I had discovered on my previous trip. I got off the path somehow (well, it's me, not too hard to figure out how THAT happened, really), and ended up wandering through thigh-high scrub and brush and cactus for an hour before I found my way back to the trail. The preserve is a scant half-mile across, if that, but I wandered aimlessly for a good while, and during that time, I felt all kinds of emotional release and communing with the world around me. I emerged onto the trail scratched, beaten up and yet whole, mentally and physically. It was a good run.  I ran again on the day we had his memorial service. This is from that run report: 

I went running today. I have far more important things to attend to, later, but I went running this morning anyway. I needed to. It's what I do. It's who I am.

I saw a beautiful south Texas sunrise. I saw a lone cardinal in a bare tree branch. And I said "goodbye."

When I came home the following week, I had a total laparoscopic hysterectomy and was relegated to walking or hiking for six weeks. I did not run any races in June. 

June Stats: 

Total Miles: 39

Number of Races: 0 

Next up: July through December. The ride continues!! 

Top 10 Moments: Operation Sunshine

I went out to cheer for the bajillion Frunners & Twitter/Daily Mile friends at the Dallas White Rock Marathon yesterday. It was brutally rainy, cold and miserable all morning, and we declared our little cheer group of three to be Operation Sunshine. Here are my Top Ten moments from the day:

I look like a Marshmallow Peep....

1. Losing the car in the parking lot as we left Fair Park, BEFORE the race... 
2. Hijacking the empty stage for our tambourine band 
3. Seeing the elites zoom by us at Mile 7
4. Yelling "Shirtless Runner" at the brave souls who went shirtless
5. Hearing that Drum kidnapped a Kenyan at the RAW water station
6. Getting laughed at by Dallas Morning News report for hugging a runner I didn't know. 
7. "You gotta be smarter than the poncho" 
8. Watching random wet and cold runners smile as they passed us
9. Being a part of a crazy, epic running day with so many friends
10. Seeing all our FRUNNERS!! on the course!

Pre-race in dry warm Coliseum

G before his PR with Marci

Elite runners at Mile 7

Mark L looking wet but happy!

MK rocking her first marathon

D headed out on the lake  

MEL!! 

Cheer squad & water stop workers

Lots and LOTS of runners!!

Would YOU take water from this person?? 

Still smiling after 21 miles!! 

The Power of the Turtle

I had a little turtle, his name was Tiny Tim
I put him in the bathtub to see if he could swim
He drank up all the water, he ate up all the soap
He tried to eat the bathtub but it woudn't go down his throat
Bubble Bubble Bubble
Bubble Bubble Bubble
Bubble Bubble Bubble
Bubble Bubble POP!

I sang this song for my friend Marci at some point during our training for OKC, or maybe during her training for Chicago '11, when we were talking about how slow we felt sometimes, and how for back-of-the-pack runners, long SLOW distance can be pretty slow, sometimes 12-minute miles or more. So slow, in fact, that some "elite" runners dismiss us as "not even running." But we always came back to the idea that it doesn't matter how slow we are, as long as we DON'T STOP. Marci had a charm made of a turtle and wore it around her neck during Chicago, in which she busted wide open her marathon PR by 37 minutes. She says she called on that turtle, and on my words, during her successful push for her goal of a sub-5-hour marathon.

Separated at Birth, Sisters We Choose

Marci gave me that charm to borrow during my fall ultras. I wore it at Palo Duro Canyon, when I DNFed at Mile 18.  And I had it around my neck when I drove down with 3 much stronger, much faster runners who were attempting their first ultra at Rocky Raccoon 50k in Huntsville State Park this weekend.

Libby, Fiona and Alicia have all had amazing training and racing times recently, while I struggled with consistency and lost "speed" and recovery after my hysterectomy & other things this summer. But I've been on the 50k road before though, and they felt like they could learn something from me.  I only hoped to rein them in as much as I could on the first 15.5 mile loop, so they'd have enough energy and push left for the second loop. I knew I'd have my work cut out for me to keep these raging racehorses tempered, but I also knew that when push came to shove, if they were feeling stronger than I was out there, that they were free to go on ahead and leave me to pull up the rear.  We had come up with a race strategy on the way down there of sticking together as much as made sense in the first loop, and then making the call on breaking out on the second. And I have to say that it seemed to have worked really well for all of us - we had times of running together in various combinations and we all had times of running alone. I think we were able to really draw on each other when we needed it, and yet each of these women is strong enough and well-trained enough to have done this on their own, although we were lucky enough to not have to do that. And we were also fortunate that we had Fawn, Kerry, Tony and a surprise support team member waiting for us at base camp.

The crew at packet pick-up. So happy to share in their first ultras!

I had a lot of demons to conquer during this race.  I was fresh off the DNF at Palo Duro, in which I became dizzy and blacked out for a millisecond at mile 16- not too much, but enough that I was not ready to go back out in the heat and unrelenting sun that had emerged by the time I had to hit the second 12-mile loop. I wasn't prepared to pass out in a ravine somewhere.  I was dehydrated for the better part of a week after that race, so I had to figure out what had gone wrong and how I could prevent a repeat. I also had some slight stomach issues immediately after Run for the Ducks, so I was concerned about that as well. And there is always the mental part of this, the part that says "Really? Why? Isn't 18 miles enough? Why do you have to do this? WHY? What are you trying to prove? and to who???"  You sure as shit better have the right answers when those questions pop up, because if you don't, it makes crying uncle and giving in look really appealing. And I have Erin & Drum to thank for helping me through this, because they really helped me get that straight in my own head as we drove to & from Palo Duro Canyon.

These two really helped me crystallize my motivation. Thanks!! 

So, there you go. Much of what was running through my head as we headed down to Huntsville. I tried not to feel the pressure of "shepherding" the girls through their first ultra, as I knew they were more than capable of it, but I also tried to give them the few insights and nuggets I've learned the hard way at my previous 50ks. Most importantly, I wanted them to take it slowly at the start, especially since we were in the dark, and be careful of the roots and footing in the first few miles. I also emphasized that we wanted to walk the uphills even early on, and control our descents on the few downhills. No need to bomb out our quads in the first hour, when we would definitely want them working later on. The other one is my big downfall, which is that I tend to move into the aid stations, hang out, take pictures, chat with the volunteers (they are a very helpful bunch, after all!) and just linger too long. So, from the get-go, I was cognizant about all of this, and tried to be supportive and encouraging and cheerful and all the while knowing that I was going to end up behind them all, because at the end of the day, I have more guts and determination than real physical skill at this. I know this. And I'm okay with this. Just don't make me stop doing it.

Pre-race. Chilly cool weather that was PERFECT all day!

Anyway, race morning was a flurry of activity, as usual, getting to the race site, pretty close to our hotel.  For some reason, I thought we had a 6:30 start, so I hadn't started eating when we got to the park and picked up our bibs. Only about 5:35 or so did I realize we were starting in a few minutes and I hadn't taken in ANY calories.  Oops! I gobbled half a clif bar and hit the bathrooms, then wandered over to the start line. The girls had already taken Libby's cooler and set up an impromptu drop bag area near some trees, so we set that up and then joined the fray at the start.

It was dark. Really dark 

Alicia and Libby have pretty detailed accounts of the first loop on their blogs, so I would direct you there for the technical details. I know I let them go about 50 yards in front of me early on, because I could still see them and hear them (Marco! Polo!) and I was keeping the gap pretty even. I only did that once I knew they wouldn't be too fast, and were remembering to walk the uphills. I hate roots, and there were a lot of roots. I am tentative on this terrain, which I know I need to deal with, but I also knew it wouldn't do me any good to take a digger in the first 3 miles. So I was content to go just a TAD slower and be conservative.  And really, I ended up at the first aid station about a minute after they did, quick enough for us to take a group pic. Really, at this point, we all were feeling strong and confident, and the weather was just amazingly perfect. By the time we left the first aid station, we could see the sun peeking out just a bit, and that gloaming light was teasing us that soon enough we could dump the headlamps. I was feeling good. Things were going well.

My view for most of first loop!! This is what happens when you're faster than I am!

After a bit, Libby and Fiona pulled in front, leaving Alicia and I to pick our way through the woods and chat and just run.  Except for the roots, which made me feel very stabby, I really enjoyed this trail. Lots of towering trees, the pretty lake, random little wooden walkways over swampy areas.  Alicia commented at one point that it looked like I was dancing as I picked my way around the roots, and I really did feel light on my feet. It was pretty cool. Once the light came up, I was feeling really confident about my ability to handle the terrain. Before we knew it, we were at the last aid station on the loop, just less than 5k from the start/finish.

Beautiful scenery off one of the footbridges. 

At this point, I feel safe enough that Alicia won't spoil the surprise to tell her that Greg, Fiona's husband and a super-ultra runner himself, was going to be waiting for us at the halfway point. He knows how crucial a lift it can be to see a friendly face during a race, and he had let me in on my secret and I was DYING to share! Apparently, she was surprised, so I did my part! whew!! Alicia sprinted in front of me in the last half-mile or so, and reached the clearing into the start. I stayed behind just a bit to chat with Greg and give him a hug, and snap a pic of him with the girls. Then on into the camp to prepare for the second loop.

Alicia & I hung together for most of back half of first loop. 

Requisite self-portrait!

Ultra Ninja G & the girls! 

Right when I came through the chute to mark my loop time, the 50k winner came in behind me. Wow. Yeah, I'm slow. I get it. Whatevs, I'll still finish this damn thing. 

So, I changed shoes and that was pretty much all I had to do. I started out in the NB 10s, and they worked pretty well at PDC but with the roots, I was feeling the bumps a little more than I was comfortable with. I switched into my North Face shoes that are just as minimalist but have a sturdier rock plate. They are a little longer, though, so I tend to trip if I don't lift my feet enough, and I needed to be aware of that, but I felt the trade-off was worth it so my soles didn't get beat up so much. I did grab a couple of acetaminophen from Alicia because my knee was starting to ache a bit, not much, but I wanted to get ahead of it.  By the time I headed out, Fiona had already taken off, and Libby and Alicia were ready to roll.  As we headed out, we saw a ton of 25kers finishing their loops and shaking their heads at us, giving us "way to go"s as we went out as they were done for the day.  At this point, Libby and Alicia surged in front just a bit, and I could see them on the long jeep road (which did seem WAY longer in the daylight!) just ahead of me.  We got to see our friend Ali Wheat on her way out of the first aid station and the about a mile in front of us we saw Fiona, looking strong and fresh.  Go Fiona!!

Fiona rocked the hell outta this course! woot woot!

I reached the aid station just after Libby and Alicia and stopped for a bit to eat a peanut butter-slathered bagel bite. I'd been alternating between bananas and bagels up to now and it was working just fine, so I was sticking with it.  I'd also set my timer about an hour in to go off every 15 minutes. I alternated longer sips of water with water & E-caps (I use Hammer Endurolytes) every time it beeped. That really helped keep me on track, I feel.  But, standing there at the aid station, I was feeling tired. I was wiped out. I felt like the girls had gotten in front of me and I just couldn't close the gap, no matter what I did. And I started to think that Mile 18 was my true wall.  At Tyler Rose last year, I had to start walking at Mile 18. At NYCM, I had to stop and have both knees taped at Mile 18.  At OKC, I had to let Fiona and Marci go ahead of me at Mile 18. And at PDC, just 3 weeks ago, I had dropped out at Mile 18 after walking two miles after the Swoon. What the hell?  But standing there at the aid station, it wasn't physical at that point, though, it was mental. It seems like I always fall apart at Mile 18 and what was it going to take to get me to not?  I didn't know. And I didn't know that I really cared right there and then.  All this flashed through my mind in about 2 seconds.

Requisite shoe shot. Little stretches of sand popped up.

Until the volunteers asked if this was my first one. And I said "No, I did Bandera..." and I was going to add, "it took me forever."  But the volunteer cut me off and said, "Well, then this is NOTHING! People can't understand Bandera until they do it. You can finish this."  I finally said, "but it took me 11 hours," and he said, "So?"  At that moment, I reached up and I grabbed Tiny Tim, on the chain on my necklace.  And I heard clear as day Marci's voice saying "You don't have to run fast. You just have to keep moving."  And I took another bite of bagel, and I asked the volunteer how far to the next aid station.  He said 3.5 miles, that I was at mile 19 right there. Wait, what? 19?  I didn't even know it, because I'm bad with math and I didn't really pay attention to the spacing of the aid stations, but I'd already crossed Mile 18.  Well, hell.  Let's do this thing, then!

I didn't walk one step between that aid station and the next.  I could see Alicia & Fiona in front of me, and I closed the gap significantly, even though I wasn't running fast, I was running. The painkillers had kicked in and I wasn't feeling any pain. And I knew that I would finish. I knew it would be slow, and I knew they'd be tearing down the aid stations behind me, but I also knew that by the time I got to the next station, I'd have less than NINE MILES to go, and I was going to do this.  I caught up to them at the aid station, and we took a pic together. Then they surged ahead again, and I was ok to go the rest of the way alone.  Except that I saw them at the top of a rise just in front of me, about a half mile out. And I yelled, "WAIT FOR ME!"  For some reason, I needed just one more little bit of hanging with them. I wanted to see them just a little bit more.  They waited for me at the top of the rill and we took one more picture, and then just like that, I was suddenly okay to drop back. I told them I'd see them at the end.

Libby & Alicia were just ahead of me on first 2 aid stations. 

From there, all I needed to do was get to one more aid station five miles out, and then I was another 3 from the finish. That five miles was the LONGEST five miles ever!!  I saw a hiking group on the trail and quite a few cyclists in that stretch.  The hikers were young kids with a school group, and they all cheered for me as I came through. That was awesome! I said, "Thanks, y'all make me feel like a rockstar even though I'm second to last right now!" and one of the kids said, "Hey, you're doing better than me!"  That gave me a boost for sure!! They also said, "Your friends are just up ahead, keep going!"

Thanks to hikers for my new profile pic! 

At one point, I thought that stupid water cooler a mile out from the aid station was never going to appear. I was running, walking some, running, whatever I could. I knew I had slowed down a LOT. I crossed a bridge and seriously just wanted to sit. For just a minute. I was hungry earlier so luckily I had my granola bar with me and had eaten one of the two in the pack, walking while I did, even through some fairly runnable stretches. But it was the first time in the day that my stomach growled at me for being hungry so I paid attention. I had kept up with the hydration and e-caps just fine but realized that I was hungry because at the last station, I had thrown away the bagel when I found it was a jalapeno bagel with peanut butter. Bleargh!! I felt much more energized after eating, but I was still so so tired.  I passed a bridge and considered just plopping myself down on the edge of it to get a break and get off my feet, but then I looked ahead and no more than 5 feet on the other side of it was a metal park bench.  HA!! Perfect.  I looked at my watch and noted the time. I was not going to allow myself more than 3 minutes here. I just needed to take my weight off my feet. I drank a bit and reflected on where I was, and what I needed to do.  I rubbed my turtle charm and knew that I was going to finish. I knew that I could do this. There was one walker behind me, but how far behind I wasn't sure. I thought he might be catching up to me, so that motivated me to get moving again. I promised myself that as soon as I hit the water cooler that I would RUN to the next aid station, no matter what.  And that's what I did.

When I pulled in, I was so excited to see them. And the first thing the volunteer did was tell me that the Longhorns were whooping on Tech. Then he told me I wasn't 3 miles from the finish, I was 2.8 miles from the end. Oh mah guah!  That's less than my park loop. I pulled into that station at 7:55 on my watch.  I knew I could crawl 3 miles in an hour. I was going to have a PR!! That got me going really quickly.  I thanked them profusely and went on my way. I had this!!

We don't have these trees in NTX! 

I kept visualizing sections of my run to the park & back, and breaking down the terrain in front of me into similar sized chunks - from the front door to the end of the block, from our block down three more to the turn, from the start of the park to the mile marker, etc. I just kept moving.  I finally came out of the woods into the end of the trail and saw a course volunteer on a chair right at the turn into the final stretch.  He told me I had a mile to go. I remembered this stretch from the previous 3 times we'd been on it - I hated it!! Old gravel & a few more inclines. UGH! But, I was almost there!!

About half a mile away, I see this person coming toward me wearing the brightest shirt ever!! It was Tony, from Twitter, who had run his first 50k earlier, with Fawn.  He was either appointed or chose to come out and find me, since I was the last of our crew to come in. He told me he had run with Fawn the whole way (JEALOUS!) and had been hanging out with our group since. What fun! I was so glad to see him, and more glad that I was so close. He was walking, and I was running, and his pace was about the same as mine!! But, hey, I was RUNNING!!  About 200 yards from the last clearing into the finish, I asked him if he would please take my pack and camera and go on ahead and tell them I was coming.

As I turned into view, I saw a desolate finish line, but for this small group of frunners, waving and cheering and calling my name!! I can't tell you what an awesome feeling that is!!! I started to tear up, but I fought it off (NO CRYING ON THE COURSE!!) and just ran in as strong as I could. WOOT WOOT!!

I'm DONE!

I did it. Ultra #3 in the bag. Last female finisher, ahead of just one other person.  That doesn't matter. I finished, and with a PR of one hour and five minutes, too. Mile 18 didn't get me. I powered through, I channeled Timmy, and I just kept moving. Thanks to Marci for being with me in spirit, HUGE congrats to Libby, Fiona, Alicia and Tony on their first 50ks. Big-time thanks to Tony for bringing me in on that last half-mile. Kudos to Greg for showing up all the other race hubbies and surprising Fi with his support.  Hugs to Fawn for making me smile and inspiring me every time I see her!! And the biggest thanks goes to my family, who tolerates me running away every few weeks to go play in the woods, and who let me know that they are proud of me, even when I don't finish, even when I come in second-to-last. I can't do it without them, and doing it makes me a better person.

Finisher award!

Thanks, Tony!

Frunner Finishers. CONGRATS & Thank you ALL!

Wild Hare is coming up in two weeks. I get to do it again.  I can't wait!!

Hi there...

Hi blog. I miss you. I am woefully behind. Life has exploded around me, in good ways. I owe you a couple of race reports, a rant on "running" as an Athena or Clydesdale, probably pictures, even though I stepped on my camera at PDC (oh, NOES!!). But, like I said, life is a little crazy. I've gotten older, had Dreadpirate DinoBoy (aka Thing 2) get a year older on me, too (funny how that happens on my birthday every year!). The hockey player nearly scrambled his head again, so we had an enforced break from practice & playing although we still went to cheer on & support the team.  Mom is here for a while, which is good news as well. Because she can help with the kitchen remodeling I decided to undertake in lieu of going to a World Series game.  Oh, and, yeah, three races in the next 4 weeks. Really looking forward to those, I am. Lots to be excited about for all of them.

So, there. Too much about what is going on, but not enough info about any of it, really!! Sigh. One day, I will be all caught up, here and in life... Today is not the day... Maybe tomorrow? ;)

I crack myself up sometimes...

So I get here, mostly prepared to do another verbal vomit post about what I thought was a spectacular flop at Palo Duro 50K tihs weekend (get yer bucket ready, watch yer shoes!), and the first thing I see in my last post?  This:

Life is too short to overthink it, to analyze, to miss out on the fun because we might not do well, or because we might not meet the expectations that we set for ourselves. Sometimes, it's better to choose to shoot high and fail miserably (in our own eyes, not in anyone else's) than to sit by and not even try. That's why I'm still doing PDC & Rocky. That's why I'm still doing Wild Hare. I am going to channel my inner Cub Scout and "Do My Best." and if it's not enough? Then I get up, dust off and try again. 

HA! I'm smarter than I think I am. Why don't I remember this stuff from day to day?  Wow. There will be much more to come soon enough about all this, but for now, you can put the bucket away, because you know what? I shot high, I failed, but only in my own eyes, and only momentarily. I made the right decision to drop after 18 miles, and I get to get up, dust off that red dirt from my shoes, and try again. I had an amazing time on the trip from beginning to end, experiencing new things like camping for the first time. I got to spend time in the car getting to know two awesome inspiring women in Drum & Erin. I got to see my dear friend Julie & meet Vickie for the first time, and I had a blast hanging out in the shade with Cherry, Psycho, PeePaw & a bunch of other crazy runner folks. How is that not fun? 

Guess what, y'all? The sun rose again, even though I didn't finish the race. My frunners still love me. My kids weren't crushed that I didn't finish - they were just glad I came home safely (NOTE TO SELF: This trumps ALL). 

I need to remember not to take this shit too seriously. It's supposed to be fun. I won't forget it again. 

So glad I got to travel with these chicks!

THIS is what it's all about!

Friday Five: The Frunner Edition

Because I can't let that whiny, "wah-wah-wah" post from last night live at the top of this page for too long... We have the Friday Five, today focused on Things My Frunners Have Taught Me:

1. Life is a series of choices. We make those choices as best we can, with the information we have in front of us. Sometimes. Sometimes we say "What the fuck ever" and dive right in anyway. I tend to believe that since turning 40, and since experiencing some pretty heavy stuff in my relationships and my world in the past year, that I am leaning more and more toward saying WTFE and just going for it. Life is too short to overthink it, to analyze, to miss out on the fun because we might not do well, or because we might not meet the expectations that we set for ourselves. Sometimes, it's better to choose to shoot high and fail miserably (in our own eyes, not in anyone else's) than to sit by and not even try. That's why I'm still doing PDC & Rocky. That's why I'm still doing Wild Hare. I am going to channel my inner Cub Scout and "Do My Best." and if it's not enough? Then I get up, dust off and try again. 
2. The goals I set, and the effort I put into reaching those goals, are up to me. I don't go after them for anyone else on this entire planet. The effort I put into those goals is directly determined by how much energy and time I have to devote to it, and is completely dependent on the choices I make. I cannot compare my training schedule, nutrition, paces, or results to anyone else, because my life is not like anyone else's. And when I make the choices I make, I am the one who gets to live with the consequences. It's all about cost-benefit, and what I'm willing to pay and where I draw the line. I need to remember that.  
3. We are our own harshest critics. We need to learn to shut up, get out from between our ears, and get out of our own way.
4. True Frunners don't care what your pace is, or your PR, or even if you ever run another step in your life. They care what shoes you have (because most good Frunners are bonafide shoe HOES! enthusiasts and want to know if they are pretty, visible from space, and if they'll cut 10 second off their 5k PR), and they care whether you will be there are the start, finish and midway through races, and if so, would you save them a beer? They care if you get a butt shot or a white girl gangster shot of them at the Lake. They care about your well-being, and your emotional health. They care about you. 
5. It's perfectly acceptable to have "Have Fun" and "Finish the Damn Thing" as goals. 

Trail FRUNNERS!

White Rock Lake Girl FRUNNERS

MORE Trail FRUNNERS! Wait, mostly the same Frunners!

Middle of the Night Frunners

Freezy cold Frunners

Bubble of Love Frunners

Well, hell...

NOTE: This is basically verbal vomit. Careful with your shoes, I"m sure it splattered everywhere. I also probably am going to include a lot of language that I typically try to filter out here on the blog (even though I'm known to be pretty liberal with the f-bomb in particular in real life...). I just need to get his out of my head, and it's going to be messy and it's going to be ugly, and I can't promise it will make any sense at all. I can't help that, I just need to express it. Sorry. 

I have avoided running lately. In the nearly 2 weeks since The Run for the Ducks, which was an incredible experience and deserves a long-overdue post of its own, I have put in a whopping 14 miles.  Three of those were on my own, and the other 11 were an LSD run around the lake with my girls last Sunday.

Why have I avoided it? Because I think when run. And there's been a lot of stuff going on in my head that I haven't wanted to think about. And so when I have found "opportunities" to belay my daily mileage, I've taken them. It's late, it's early, I'm recovering, I just ate, I haven't eaten, I'm tired, my knee hurts, it's too hot, it's too cold. Those are just excuses. Even worse, they are bad excuses. Bottom line, I am a fraud.

What does that mean?  It means that I haven't pushed myself as a runner since Cowtown. I put everything that I had on the streets of Fort Worth, and since then, I've run 3 more marathons and a half and a few 5ks and yet I haven't pushed myself to the limit since February. And even then, if not for my bubble of love I would have started walking a mile 19, when it got hard. What does that say? I've had "reasons" to take it easy, rationale for not going 110 percent, balls to the wall since then. For Grasslands, it was my Maniacs qualifier, so I just had to finish. So what did I do? I just finished. For Hells Yeah Hills, I paced Julie. And when things got tough, we walked a bit more than I needed to, because I didn't want to leave her. That was the right thing to do, don't get me wrong. But that race wasn't really difficult for me. It was a challenge, yes, don't get me wrong there. But I didn't come away from that race thinking, "wow, I can't go another step."  I had a blast. It was fun, which I guess is a good thing. But I didn't push. I played it safe.

Then there was Oklahoma City. Well, that one is a story all to itself. But because of the circumstances, again, not that I would do anything differently, but I didn't push myself then either. And I am okay with that. But, really, this is another prime example of how I've been allowed to get away with it. Races like OKC have actually perpetuated my tendency to just finish, to just get to the end. And that's been enough for me. But, really, should it be? Since when did I become OK with just finishing?

I actually caught myself on Twitter this week saying I was shooting for DFL. Who the fuck says that? Really? When did "just finishing" become enough for me? Am I self-sabotaging my best performance by bailing on my runs, by coming up with "rationales" for "resting," so that when I do finish dead last, if I even make the cutoffs, I can say, "ha, ha, told ya!"?  Really?  What is that about? Why am I not doing the work?  I know what it takes to finish a 50k.  I know it's not a foregone conclusion. So why am I not doing the work?  Is it to give myself an out?  Is it so that when I don't make the cutoff on November 19, I can say, well, I *did* just have surgery... it was crazy of me to try for 50 miles so soon. Is that my game?

What am I afraid of?  Is it that I can do the work and it still won't be enough?  Ever since the doctor told me that there is nothing wrong with me physically, and the nutritionist said she had nothing more to offer me except maybe I shouldn't eat lunch at my desk (???), I have not been doing the work.

I see my friends knocking out these amazing workouts day after day.  I see them doing back-to-back long runs, like what was on my plan that I haven't had the courage to open since Hottest Half. I see Drum waking up at 4 AM to do hot yoga, then hammering out a weights workout and a trail run. On a weekday. I see Libby kicking ass with 3 marathons in 70 days, working with a personal trainer to get all buff & stuff, and that's with a pre-schooler & an infant. I see people like Erin, who are struggling with injury but want nothing more than to go for a run. And here I am, sleeping in and putting off the morning run, and then finding a reason to not do it in the evening.  And then I think back on last fall, on how I missed ONE workout in the entire 18 week training plan for NYC.  And I wonder what happened to that person, to that runner who was so dedicated and so motivated and so freaking in love with running. Because she doesn't live here anymore. I don't know where she's gone.

I do like to run, I do. But it's hard these days. And the reality is, yes, I have had to start over since the surgery. From scratch. and that sucks. And I've had some heavy emotional stuff, dealing with my dad and then trying to help my mom cope. And as much as I can tell myself that it's a fresh start and I shouldn't, can't look at what I used to do, I can't help it. I compare myself today with what I used to be able to do. It's impossible not to. So is that what's holding me back from trying now? It doesn't make any sense that it's harder so I work less? I'm so screwed up right now. I don't have the answers. I don't know how to solve this, except to suck it up and deal and start running. Simple, right?

So what does this mean for the 125 miles of races I have in the next six weeks? culminating in that little 50-miler?  Well... I'm still doing them. I'm still committed. But I don't know that I'm content to "just finish" anymore. But it's kinda late to cram for a 50k. So what's the plan?  Get the weekday runs done, for one. No more excuses. No more "rationale" for why it's ok to skip them. Dial in the nutrition even tighter. Focus. It's no longer enough for me to show up with a camera and a smile and be content to just finish. I have to find my motivation again. I have to find my drive to do the training so that I set myself up a little bit better than what I've done so far. The training alone won't get it done when it gets hard, for that you need the mental part. I have that mental part down pat, I think, but I know I need to get the physical part down too. The mental part alone won't get it done, either.

I don't know if this post makes any sense. All I know is that these are the thoughts and the feelings and the fears that popped into my head as I made four really not very fun loops around my neighborhood tonight. What does it mean? I don't know. Am I really going to get off my ass & get some weekday runs done now? I don't know. I do know that I'm going to open up that Wild Hare training plan and take a look at it and see where I am and what I can do to finish the ramp up with a little more intensity and purposefulness than I've done in the last month. I do know that I'm going to go to Palo Duro Canyon next week and see what I can do with what I've got right now and make adjustments as needed. And I won't be content with just finishing.