so I've been running since Cowtown, I have. I've cut down on my mileage significantly, though, and definitely have not hit as many of my workouts as I should to be fully ready for Big D in two weeks. But lately life has been intervening a lot, nothing major, just a lot of little stuff, and it's been harder and harder mentally to get it done. It hasn't helped that I made a real concerted effort to track all my calories on a daily basis (for two weeks straight) and hit a certain number, and hit a certain number of calorie burn, and at the end, I had a one-pound gain to show for it. It's the same story as every time I've made efforts to lose weight for the last six years. It's frustrating and discouraging, and it makes me question why I bother to eat properly or to work out at all.
What makes it more so is that I am still seeing some really good results on my performance. I set a new 10K PR yesterday, one that I've been trying to break for the last 18 months. I can consistently hit around 30 minutes for a 5K, even on days that I'm not really trying to hit that faster pace. But I'm constantly wondering how much faster I could go if I could lose this weight. Would it make those later miles in the marathon easier? Would I have more fun in races if I wasn't slogging after mile 17? I'm pretty damn sure the answers to those questions is YES.
So while i am still really looking forward to Big D in two weeks and Oklahoma City two weeks after that, I am not sure that I'm prepared like I was for Cowtown, which is kind of terrifying. I'm not sure what is going to happen, except that after that debacle that day, I know that I will finish, no matter what. When I didn't give up, I reinforced to myself that I can handle pretty much anything - pain, disappointment, heartache - that comes up in a race. With that knowledge, I know I'll do OK.