- I know that Twitter and Blogger and Daily Mile are amazing sources of inspiration, support, and encouragement. But, the level of that in response to my last post? Just knocked me over. Truly. I may or may not have spent the last few days re-reading all those comments and repeating to myself that I can get through this, and I will get through this. I'm even starting to believe it.
- By the same account, my friends, my frunners? Best freaking people on the planet. By far, no question, no doubt. My email, phone & Twitter DM just completely blew up with sincere thoughts and wishes. My close friends knew some of my struggles and frustrations, but maybe not the extent. And once they knew, they jumped to my side, virtually and literally, to reinforce that I am doing the right things, and that I can take as much time as needed to fix my head, and when I'm ready, they will be there, ready to welcome me back. That right there? Amazing. Gratifying. Makes me feel completely unworthy. But, worthy or not, I'll take it!
- Sending mucho love and mojo to Drum and Ninja this weekend. They're doing their first 50 milers up at Lean Horse. As much as we kid about the Drum-Ninja showdown, these two do an awesome job preparing mentally and physically for every challenge they take on, and they push each other to be their best. They're fairly awesome. Also, much credit & kudos to Erin, who is keeping them in line and making sure Drum doesn't forget her shoes (again)!
- I haven't done anything workout-related since the failed TM run on Saturday. And yet the sun keeps rising and setting, and the world keeps spinning. Imagine that.
- I've thought about running. Briefly. But that's all it's been. Thoughts. And that's okay. For now.
- Palo Duro Trail Race is off the calendar for sure. I know I said I wouldn't make any decisions until after Labor Day but I changed my mind. Or I lied. Changing my mind makes me seem like less of a bitch. In any case, when I do this race, I want to do the 50k and I won't be ready, so I am not doing it this year. I'm okay with that. Mostly.
- There are a whole lot more things you have time for in your life when you're not spending 7-10 hours a week running or pretending to swim/flail or riding a bicycle. Like reading a book. Hanging out with your kids. Actually folding the laundry when the dryer dings. Stuff like that. Kinda cool (except the laundry part). Who knew?!
- On that note, I have gotten 3/4 of the way through a new Stephen King book in less than a week. Typically I read about 2 pages each night in bed before passing out with the book on the floor. I feel so smart these days! (Okay, maybe not smart - not like I'm reading and understanding the theory of relativity or anything, it's just schlocky Uncle Stevie books. But GOOD schlocky Uncle Stevie!!)
- I still need to learn to swim. I've thought about going to the pool just to kick around, practice the shark fin and slutty ankles like Sarah taught me out at the lake. But, I'm kinda taking this whole "rest" thing for serious this week. There is time.
- I have tried very hard not to look at my training schedule, training logs, or Daily Mile this week, lest I start to feel the pressure of falling even further behind my mileage goals for the week/month/year. I will not say the degree of success I have had with that.
- Except to say that Daily Mile is depressing, with that big zero in the corner. Not that I've logged in to look at it or anything...
- It is getting light later in the morning and dark earlier. That surely must mean that these 100+ degree days will be coming to an end soon, right? RIGHT?! Please, please, please come to an end by Labor Day. Yeah, right...
- Part of me thinks I'm ready to come back to my Come Back after just a few days away and even though I haven't gone back for the follow-up with the endocrinologist. That part of me was just smacked back into submission by the rest of me. I tend to get overexcited and rush into things - that may or may not have led me to the current state of affairs, I'm not admitting anything, just an observation - so I am going to take another few days of nothing. Just to see if I can.
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| Drum. Ninja. Adding to their beastliness this weekend. #TeamFirst50 |
4 comments:
You will get through this!!! I'm sad you won't be doing the PD race. I'm just speed hiking the 20K myself. I'm not even ready for that!!! Next.... you and me... 50K!!! It's a date!!!
I am bummed you wont be at PDC either, but there are lots of other races & lots of other fun "frunner" activities! Somehow I don't think this is the last we'll see of MamaC! I know you've got alot thoughts floating around, but I do want to make note of your #12 ... we are all really tired of this 100+ heat days, so maybe just maybe when the first cool front comes in we'll ALL be re-energized? Just think about long sleeves, gloves, hats, running tights? Have I got your attention yet? ha!
So glad that I picked my birthday to catch up on your blog. You are THE most amazing person I know. You are like the energizer bunny. I know that you will get past this funk but while you are in the midst of it, my heart just breaks for you. I suffer from bouts of depression and I really do know how you are feeling. Hugs and more hugs coming your way. You are such a wonderful ray of sunshine in my world. Thank you for all your encouragement and all the smiles. Hang in there. I'm adding you to my prayer list.
Can I just say I love reading your blog...almost as cool as running with you in the woods! :-)
Super proud of you for taking care of yourself. You are truly an amazing woman and you inspire more people than you know. Love ya Mama C!
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