What's Next? Suburban Ultra Skatemom Takes on the World

2011 Goals Scorecard

2012-01-23T13:39:00.003-06:00

I've put this off long enough. And, yes, I am a very generous grader!! (you wouldn't have thought so if you took my class back in my graduate TA days, though, haha!!) Without further ado, my 2011 goals and how I did:

· Getthe body healthy, keep the body healthy – Well. Yeah, this one was big. But I think I have put a lot ofeffort into getting healthy, and while I probably should have taken more timeto recover after the mi-year surgery, and we are still working on the kneething (made big strides, but still much to go), I can honestly say that this isan area that got a LOT of attention this year. And not just the physical part ofme, either. I did a lot of soul-searching, with the help of some fairlyamazing, insightful and caring friends, and I think for the first time a longwhile, my mind and emotional health is stronger than it’s been in a long while.That alone earns me an A!

· Runa Sub-5:00 Marathon – Hit 5:14 at Cowtown,with the help of my Bubble of Love. It was not a PR day, the announcer warnedus of that before we even started. I tried again at Oklahoma City two monthslater, and that, also, was far from a PR day. It didn’t happen. But I canguarantee you that I gave all I had to give on both those days, so I am givingmyself a solid C. I should do pass/fail on this, but I’m not. I didn’t hit 4:XXin 2011, but I know why, and those race experiences, and those lessons, werepart of who shaped me into who I am today. They are a part of me. I can’t call that a failure.

· Run3 or more 50K Trail Races – DONE!! And I PRed at each one!! (HINT: start off dreadfullyslow and it’s not so hard to PR!!) and I had a great time at each one. I technically ran five 50ks, but onlyfinished three of them. Still, I rocked the hell out of this goal. A+!

· Completea 50-Mile Race (November) – Nope. Didn’t happen.I was going to go for it, as late as a month before the race date, I had workedtoward it. But Wild Hare was not the right place for my 50 mile debut, andNovember 2011 was not the right time, and my reasons for trying this were notthe right ones. This will happen, but I have other things I need to do beforethen. There is no rush. There is nopressure. I have to do it when it only makessense for me. And when I am doing it for the right reasons. Incomplete.

· BecomeA Marathon Maniac - Done!! Got the silly little entry level when I bailed on Minneapolisand didn’t finish my 6-pack. And, really, that’s OK. A.

· Complete100 Pushup Challenge – um, yeah…. Incomplete.

· Complete200 Situp Challenge – Well, hmmm….Incomplete.

· Run1600 miles this year – I ran just slightlyover 1000 miles for the year, well under the goal. But I didn’t plan on taking6 weeks off for surgery when I set that goal. I didn’t plan on my family lifebeing in a bit of an upheaval when I set that goal. I also had full intentionsof running not one, but TWO fifty-milers. Um, yeah. A thousand miles ain’t nothing to sneeze at,so even though it’s but 2/3 of my goal, I’m still giving myself a solid B-.

· Completetwo sprint triathlons this summer (August & September) – These things are apparently much easier whenyou have a bicycle. Which my awesome(aggie – forgiven) friends Katie and Kevin set me up with when Katie brought meher bicycle to use all I wanted while she goes to graduate school. They’re alsomuch easier when you know how to swim. Imade little forays into both cycling and swimming this year (DONKEY RIDE! OWS(kinda) at Grapevine) but I didn’t get so far as to actually sign up for anymore tris. That’s OK. I’ll get thereagain. I got to cheer a few triathletefriends at their races, and that revved me up for it for sure, but it alsoreinforced how much training I’ll need before I embark on that journey again.And I’m not quite there yet. Still gotsome stuff to handle before I go Tri. Again, as with the 50-miler, there is no rush, there is nopressure. This is all fun, people, and Ihave to do it when the time is right, to be successful at it. So, here I’m giving myself anotherIncomplete.

So, there you go. I am still dwelling on my 2012 goals (besides the big one, which anyone who knows me knows EXACTLY which dragon I'm going to try to slay again this year), so you'll have to wait a little longer for it. So Frunners and Neighbors, what are YOUR goals for 2012. Leave a comment and inspire me (which means, I might just steal it for myself!!)

One of my DailyMile goals is to meet and run with as many people as I can. Think I got an A on this one!

Thursday 13: Things My Frunners Have Taught Me

2012-01-05T10:10:00.001-06:00

I know, 2011 goal scorecard & 2012 goals still need to be done. I'm still percolating on 2012 so give me a minute, will ya? For today, I wanted to jot down the Important Things My Frunners Have Taught Me. Take a listen, you might learn ya a thing or two too!!

Doesn't matter how fast you go, you just have to get there. Timmy the Turtle
Yes it does matter! It's a RACE!! GO, RUN!!! Drum
Just keep moving. Tenacity pays off. - Fawn
Yes, you CAN do it. Stop doubting yourself. - Jeremy
You look faster in matching kit - Ninja
There is magic power in lemon water & watermelon. - Derek
Shoes are optional - Sarah
Push beyond your comfort zone. You never know what you'll find there. MK
There is always time for pancakes. Kris
Don't let me lead unless you want to get ~~lost sidetracked~~ take the long way. Everyone
Snacks. Snacks are necessary and required. Cherry AND Shannon
Trail runs are like the Marines, you never leave fallen comrade - Mr K
The devil is in the details - Libby

And, because I like y'all, I want to give you two more lessons. These are probably the most important of all. And if you remember nothing else from this post, and learn nothing else from me for the whole rest of your life, keep these last two lessons in mind, forever and ever, AMEN:

NEVER TAKE OFF THE PONCHO! Marci
We may have met because we are runners, but it's not why we're friends.

Happy New Year!

2012-01-02T21:16:00.001-06:00

Best way possible to end the year! Surrounded by Frunners!

2011 is done. In the books. Didn't end like I wanted, as I had to drop down to the half distance on both days of the NYDouble, but it was otherwise a ridiculously amazingly perfect weekend. Tons of Frunners, time with the family, time with my closest non-running friends. It was stupendous from beginning to end. Before we get too far into 2012, I did want to do a final recap, so that I have it in one place. I still have my report card on my 2011 targets to post, but that's going to take some thought. I also haven't quite crystallized much for 2012 beside the A race of the spring at the end of April, so I'm not quite ready for those posts yet.

However, it is illuminating to compare this year's performance against not only last year's but prior years' and see that really, on balance, it was still a pretty acceptable year of running. I have nothing to be ashamed of or feel bad about, even when I think about my half finish time from a year ago being nearly 40 minutes faster than the times I clocked over the weekend. That's just my new reality, and I only can improve from here on out, so that's what the focus will be. The here-and-now, not the used-to-be. Because, as we all witnessed over the weekend, the here and now? Is a pretty damn fun place to live.

So, here goes. Numbers afterward are for comparison, going back to 2007:

Total miles for 2011: 1059. Compares to 1469, 901, 894, 1001
Average miles/month: 88, 122, 75, 75, 91
Average miles/week: 20.3, 28.1, 17.3, 17.3, 21
Highest weekly mileage: 39, 57, 37, 37, 35
Highest month: April 134; September 192; December 102, Sepember 123
Lowest month: June 49, March/May 71, July 50, May 38

What this tells me is that this year is "disappointing" only in comparison to the monstrous year I had in 2010. And anyone who knows me well and knew me at that time understands that the kick-ass running in that year did not come without a cost emotionally. Finding balance between running, family and personal relationships was a challenge in 2010, in many ways, so I'm not all that excited to jump back on that train again. And when you add in the considerations of major surgery & layoff, my father's illness and death, helping my mom deal with the aftermath of that (something that continues into 2012, I'm sure), I have to say I'm pretty good with this. Actually, when I think about it a little bit more, I'm pretty damn happy with myself.

FIGJAM

2011 in Review: October through December

2011-12-26T21:21:00.000-06:00

I had no idea it would take THREE posts to tell the story of 2011!! See Part 1 here, Part 2 here and below is October through today.

October
What would a month of running be without a trip to White Rock? We met out at the lake to have one last little lap plus before Marci headed out to Chicago to slay the dragon of her sub-five hour finish. It was a nice easy run, and we followed it up with pancakes post-run with Kris, who is taking a sabbatical from running as she incubates her Baby Snackpack!!

Familiar sight.

Baby Snackpacks! Due April 2012!

The next week found me out at the Tyler Half Marathon, where I got to run with some lovely ladies who are part of Racing It Off's team of athletes. It was a lot of fun to run with folks I hadn't met before and with Lesley, who I've known for more than a year but haven't really been able to run with before now. Not to mention that Tyler just ended up being a big ol' Frunner party, with Team K, Elaine, Robin, and FAWN from Milano with her team doing the full marathon. Always so much fun to see Fawn. Just as much fun was literally running into Julie on the streets of Tyler and us yelling "NINE MILES" at each other down the street! I'm sure the neighbors appreciated that!

So happy to see Fawn before the race!

Holly, Elaine, Lesley & Emily at the start

Best post-race cool-water bath EVER!

Sweet Julie came out to take pics & cheer!

Then it was time for Palo Duro. I had waffled on whether I was doing this race or not, but after a decent showing at Ducks, and with a free entry off NTTR, I decided to go for it. The race ended up not quite as well as I'd expected, with a dizzy and disappointing DNF after 18 miles, but the weekend was otherwise a wonderful experience. I got to spend some quality time with two of the most inspiring and encouraging women I know on the road trip to West Texas. Plus, it's always a good time when we can hang out and cheer on runners at the end of a long race. Oh, and I CAMPED!! Yep, it's true!! I can't wait for this race to roll around again next year - I will be prepared for a stellar race and another amazing weekend here in 2012!

Pre-race dinner with Frunners!

Great group of girls here!

Got me some quality E time this trip!! <3

Julie looks lovely per usual. I look like DNF...

After licking my wounds for a while, the perfect remedy to get my mojo back was a local race where I helped Marci pace her sister-in-law to her first 5k. We'd be nice & easy as we talked to Jessica & kept her moving to meet her goal of finishing strong. Seeing a bunch of Frunners before & after the race and along the course was a bonus too!

Never know who you're gonna find on the course!

Jessica & Marci looking strong!

Somewhere in here, I turned a year older. Yee-haw. Go, me! Doesn't count since I didn't flip AG or anything!!

October Stats:

Total Miles: 74

Number of Races: 3 (one half-marathon, one 50k DNF, one 5k)

November
November was crazy. There's no other way to say it. I had FOUR races in November, two of them 50ks. Looking back, I was completely out of my mind, especially coming off the DNF at Palo Duro. Yes, I said it. But at the time, it seemed like a good idea. Live and learn, I guess. There were some tough times in there, and some really good times, especially at my third 50k finish line at Rocky Raccoon. Always fun to see Fawn, meet new Frunner Tony as he finished his first 50k on his way to his first 100 miler in February, and watch Fiona, Libby and Alicia all become ultra-runners too!

My favoritest finish line photo of the month!

Was great to meet Tony in person!

I doubled up the next weekend, as I not only did the Rockledge Rumble out at Northshore, but I also got to take Marci out to her first trail run at River Legacy (last year's Chupacabra run notwithstanding - it was dark and she had no idea what she was doing then!!) - always fun to introduce a runner to the fun and dirt of trails!!

Looks like a gingerbread cookie to me!

It was a pretty day for a trail run

Matt & Team Sparling!

Obligatory self-portrait at River Legacy.

We had another great cheering experience at the Fort Worth Marathon, where we got to see and support a lot of frunners on a crazy hot day. What was with the weather this year?! Either crazy hot or stupid rain? In any case, a day with Frunners reaching their goals is a good day for sure!!

Glitter signs!!

FWM Cheer Squad!

Frunners!!

LOVE this girl!! 20 miles ain't nothing but a thing!

Then it was time for the big one. The "A" race of the year. I had downgraded to the 50k after the DNF at Palo Duro, mostly because of the very honest conversations I had with Drum and Erin on the drive there and back about motivation and desire and the need to prove something. But even so, I still wanted to have a good showing there, and was pretty disappointed to DNF after 16 miles. For sure, hanging out with all my friends post-race helped ease the sting of my knee not cooperating with me, but I had to really face that my knee was not in a good place (literally, it seems) and I was injured. But I have to say, it really is amazing how healing the company of my Frunners can be, even on the most disappointing of days.

Pre-race at Wild Hare

Crazy Campers!

Tony & Fawn after their 50 miles!!

Fun at the campsite with B, Rick, George & Tini

I took the week after Wild Hare off, hoping that resting the knee would help it get better. Then, signing up for the Arlington Turkey Trot at the last minute put me at my fourth race for the month. But I scored a new post-surgery PR, as I was pulled along in the last half-mile by my ultra-pusher Jeremy, in town to visit family for Thanksgiving and do his first ever 5K (he got those pesky 100-miles done first....). I pushed harder than I had in a while and was pleased that I was able to sustain a strong effort when I really wanted to quit. And then when I was in more pain in the days after three miles on roads than I was post-Wild Hare, I realized that I really needed to pay attention and fix my body, for the sake of my mind and my running future. Not really sure how many wake-up calls I needed...

Yes, I know it's a proof. I was camera-less that day!

November Stats:

Total Miles: 76

Number of Races: 4 (one 5k, one 15k, two 50ks - one DNF)

Then we come to December. Oh, December was epic in oh so so many ways!! I loved December, and we aren't done yet!! We started off the month with another tradition, the Santa Scurry up in Keller. DP Dino Boy & I ran this with Bojana last year, and I ran it again with Marci and her family, but this time, we had extra special cheerleaders and glitter signs when Cherry & Drum showed up to cheer!! Jessica finished her second 5k, and her two boys ran a strong race, too, along with Marci's hubby Fred. YAY!! How much fun is that? TONS of fun, I tell ya!

Cole, Chase & Jason pre-race!

Cheer squad!!

Supah-STAR!!

Definitely a highlight of the month, and the year, was Operation Sunshine at White Rock. It was such a brutal day, and being able to be out there for all our friends and all the other runners made it memorable for sure. I won't be able to say that I ran one of the coldest, wettest marathons in Dallas history, but I can say that I was there!

Shannon & Elaine, one week post Route 66 Marathon!

MK ready for her last five miles

Mark L coming back for a soggy hug

The next weekend found us out on the trails again, this time volunteering at the inaugural Isle Du Bois trail race. It was COLD again and we had a great day checking off all the runners as they came through the aid station. We heard it was a tough trail and it was fun to be a part of the experience and pay it forward some for all the times we've run and benefited from awesome volunteers!

The Ladiy Elves of Fire Road Aid Station.

Our panoramic view of the course

Being a volunteer is TOUGH work!!

The fun continued on the Donkey Ride, where we begged the question "how many runners does it take to change a bicycle tire?" The answer, for those who don't know, is it takes one cyclist married to a runner who came along for the ride to change two tires and fix a dropped chain!! I was worried about how I'd do since I'd never ridden more than 15 miles ever before, but it was a great time with amazing people and I had so much fun! I can't wait to do it again!!

Thanks to Brian who was our personal mechanic!

Frikers?! Fricyclists? Nope, Frunners on Wheels!

Puppies! Llamas! Donkeys!!

Sweet llama!!

E!!!

Fun times on the Donkey Ride!

December Stats:

Total Miles: 23

Number of Races: 2 (one 5k, one marathon on schedule)

So that brings us to now. In three days, I'll toe the line at my 10th marathon or longer distance run of the year. I've had to take some time off big miles while I rehab my knee (pinched meniscus jammed back in, addressing pulling from IT band, weakness & inflexibility in my ankle, and tight quad that are all contributing factors). But, I have been released to run the full, both days, so now it's just a matter of getting it done. The pace won't be fast, even for me, and if there is any pain beyond the typical marathon discomfort, I'm pulling back. I've got big goals for 2012 that can't be impacted, so I'm going to play it smart. But I also am wanting to end the year with a bang, and start 2012 the right way, too. So, stay tuned.

Meanwhile, now that you've made it all the way to the end of MY year, what was your favorite memory from 2011? What will you remember from your life that made this year special?

2011 Retrospective, July to September

2011-12-22T13:47:00.000-06:00

This is the second installment of my year in review. Read Part One HERE.

July
I didn't run much at all in July, but I did quite a few miles of walking and hiking in and got a chance to see my Frunners nearly every weekend. It was hot, crazy Texas hot, so I was actually glad to have an excuse to not be in the middle of all that with intense training. And even though I wasn't racing, I did finish a race in July, the Colony Fourth of July 5k. Erin was gracious enough to walk with me and keep me company, and we hung out after to watch the two Michelles get AG awards and then were treated to pancakes and mimosas at Team K's house after that. Definitely see a new Frunner tradition starting with this race!!

Drum-Ninja Showdown, Part One!

Always a great day when I see Mr K & the Lindsley men!

FRUNNERS!!

The next week, I went out to a social run put on by NTTR at Big Cedar in south Dallas. I was relegated to hiking since I was still on restriction, but it was a great morning and a fun new trail. I haven't had a chance to explore these trails as much as I'd like, but am definitely looking forward to hosting a Frunner Beer & Bagels run on this side of town out here soon.

Top of the hill out at Cedar Ridge.

The next day, I went back out to the trails to meet Libby & Alicia for a few more miles on trails at Northshore. This is the outing in which Alicia coined the phrase that my stories are "measured in miles!" Yes, that is probably true!! I do have a story for nearly all occasions!!

Requisite self-portrait. Foreshadowing of things to come...

You meet all kinds of people out on the trail!

A few weeks later, I went out to River Legacy to cheer on Marci in a small 5k put on by one of our favorite race directors. Jeph Abara puts on a summer series of no-frills 5k races up at River Legacy, with small crowds, a scenic flat course through my favorite park, and simple amenities for a low cost. These are good races for tuning up 5k strategies and getting a gauge of your fitness in the heat of ths summer. At the July race is where I finally met Byron, who is as supportive and encouraging a runner as I have ever met. Definitely a highlight of my year to get to know this man!!

My favoritest park!

BOO!!

Pre-race with Marci

Looking good out there, Marci!

The next day, we had a HUGE Frunner party out in Fort Worth for El Scorcho. Tons of people were running either the 50k or 25k, and Marci, Julie, Cassie, Megan and DP DinoBoy were all out there with me to cheer and spray runners with cool water as they lapped us again and again. It was crazy-hot, and we had good times for sure!! This might go down as one of my favorite nights of the year!!

Make it glitter, make it rain! About to get our cheer on!

Sweet Julie came out just to cheer! YAY!

Tutu power!!

THIS. This is why I run!

With Blanca & Lupe - Latina POWAH!

Post-run with 25kers

The next week, I was cleared for running and did a few weekday runs around my neighborhood, then was able to go up north to meet NTX runners for a loop at Erwin Park. There was a great group of ladies out there, old friends and new, but it was tough for me. This was the run where I realized I had a lot of work to do before I could get back to my previous level of fitness. This wasn't a fun run, but as usual, the frunner gatherings before, during and after the run made it a good day!!

Pre-Run at Erwin Park

Great girls' run - pretty colors!

Picture Break!!

Fi billy-goating up that hill!

I wrapped up the month with a nice easy loop around White Rock with my buddy Sarah. From the first time I ran with her, I've always just enjoyed our time together, and we had a wonderful chat and caught up with life in general. And we found a few frunners out on the lake to make it an ever better day!!

Morning at the Lake

Team K!!

Great time when we run into Frunners!

with my Sarah! <3

July Stats:

Total Miles: 50

Number of Races: 1 (one 5k)

August
August found me out at White Rock again, this time with Marci and Erin, for a loop around the lake and breakfast post-run with Megan and Mel. The heat of the summer was definitely upon us and my lack of training was hard to deal with even with scheduled walk breaks during my longest run post-surgery. But, we laughed and had a good time, per usual with these two!

The Whitest Girls You Know

Yes, I am that short...

The next day, I met Sarah again, this time out at Northshore for a combo trail run and swim lesson. This was another great day on the trails - I was starting to get my legs back and it's always just a fine day when I get to run with my favorite barefoot Jew!!

Cherry could hear us through the trees!! hahaha!

Dirty girl. Yes, please!

I swam in that. For reals. Go me!

The next weekend found us out at River Legacy for another 5k, this time I was able to run and get a good sense of where I was fitness-wise. Of course, it rained for the first time in months, so we started in a steady drizzle and were treated to muggy warm conditions for the last two miles. It was tough, but as usual, having Marci along really helped make it a good day. Scoring AG hardware helped make it a good day, too!!

Hardware. And, yes, that's a long-sleeved shirt in August!

The next day was the Hottest Half. I swore last year I would never run another race in Texas with the word HOT in the name, in any way, shape or form. But then, I saw the hardware, and I changed my mind. And there were a TON of Frunners out there, too, so it was guaranteed to be a good day, no matter the temperature.

But this race... man, this was hard. Probably my hardest of the year to date, physically and mentally. We only were out there for a training run, for the hardware. No time goals. But, this race... Lots of memories came flooding back to me while I was on this course, of who I used to be as a runner and was no longer because of the surgery. Memories of running partners who I've run around this lake with in the past, some of whom are no longer friends, and others who have become closer friends and family to me than I could ever have imagined. Memories of hard training runs, hot training runs, windy training runs. Memories of the tears shed around this lake, and anger and frustration exorcised around this lake, and mostly, memories of laughter and love shared around this lake.

The White Rock Lake Girls were born on this lake, and it will always be special to me. We had a reunion out here that day, too, even though Mel and Kris ran the 10k instead of the half. That was so special to me, and the fact that Fiona and Marci ran with me, when they were both so much faster than I, meant so much. They also knew when I needed them at my side, and when I needed to run alone, to think through all that was flying through my brain, to process all my emotions and thoughts. There are a lot of bridges on that course, more than we'd ever noticed even though we ran that lake constantly all year 'round. And when it was time to throw negativity and pain and doubt and heartache over the bridge, they were there for me. That was just beyond awesome. I can never express how important that was to me, to have them there with me as I faced that half-marathon that day.

And in the end, this race was good. It was hard, hot, and miserable while we were out there, but in the end, it was a good day.

These people rock my world!

Two of my favoritest runner dudes!

Lots of peeps running in the heat!

Reunion!!

Through fire for these girls. FIRE!

August Stats:

Total Miles: 71

Number of Races: 2 (one half-marathon, one 5k)

September
September started out with a return to the trails, after a little bit of a funk after Hottest Half. I went through a little bit of a slump emotionally and physically after that race, in which I didn't want to race or run, or even meet up with Frunners. I had to snap out of it. And to help me, I met up with Drum, Coco and Cherry for a few miles out at Northshore. They had so much common sense and really helped me get my head back on straight. Nothing like a little dirt on your feet to help you figure out the problems of the world!

Coco,Drum & Cherry.

Next weekend found me back at River Legacy for yet another 5k race and another AG place for both me and Marci! This was a great day, made even better by a friendly Grapevine police officer & breakfast with the Ninjas afterward. Fi scored hardware in her 5k race too!! It was a banner day for the WRL Girls for sure!!

Bright-ass shoes scored us hardware!

FWGJAU

I wrapped up September with Run for the Ducks out in Weatherford, way west of the known universe. My buddy Derek and a few other folks were out there too, for this timed, looped course, in which we had 8 hours to rack up as many miles as we could. It was still crazy hot, even for September, and while it was a tough day, it was made better by the camaraderie of all the runners that we saw over & over again throughout the race, and especially wonderful by Marci coming out to crew and pace us for a few miles. I ended up with 27 miles for the day, and renewed confidence in my abilities to run an ultra. Oh, and I also had a GREAT appreciation for watermelon!!!

Fountain at start & end of each loop

Our sherpa Marci with D & me, post-run.

DUCKS!

These cobblestones beat me down after 27 miles!

September Stats:

Total Miles: 110

Number of Races: 3 (one 5k, one 10+ miler, one timed race)

2011 Retrospective, January to June

2011-12-20T16:56:00.001-06:00

It's that time of the year, when everyone looks back at the months that have elapsed and goes, WHA' HAPPENED?! I know it's not just me that is marvelling at how the year just zipped by, right? So, there has been much afoot around here lately and yet not much to report, but I thought it about time to look back at what's gone on in 2011, and then maybe in the next few days I'll have some crystallized plans (and be ready to share them definitively) about what's in store for 2012.

2011 was a year of many ups and downs in my running life and for sure in my non-running life, and interstingly enough, the two are definitely commingled and interdependent. Funny how that works, huh? The best way for me to remember all this is month-by-month, so here we go!!

January
We started off with a bang on New Year's Day, with the inaugural running of the New Year's Day half-marathon. My friend Suann paced me to a near-PR and helped me push to my limits post-gall-bladder surgery and gave me the confidence I needed that I could come back from that little time off last November. It was a gorgeous clear morning, and an all-around good day!! I think I placed in the Athena category, too!! Go me!

Jim A, me, Suann & Mark L post-race

Without wasting any time at all, the EBV headed south on I-35 for my first 50k on the rocky inclines of #Banderawesome. My knee decided to revolt, but luckily, I had my dear friend and Trail Partner in Crime Sarah along, and on the trip got to pick at the brain of my Ultra Trail Pusher JLDay and then also meet up with sweet Julie and Fawn. It was a day to remember, for sure, and on that day, I became Ultra Mama C!

Banderawesome. Start to finish it lived up to it's name!

No, not hilly at all..

A couple of weeks later, I was back at it at the Benbrook Half Marathon, to run up & down One Nice Hill. Saw a good group of folks at the start, and enjoyed a good challenging workout, even though my time was not what I had in mind. Ended up with the TINIEST half-marathon medal ever, too!! It's seriously smaller than my key fob!!

Pre-race at Benbrook Half.

The next day, we had a little semi-reunion of the White Rock Girls and added Elaine and Libby to the mix for a loop around our Favoritest Lake We Love to Hate. Good times for sure!!

White Rock Lake Fun!

January Stats:

Total Miles: 130

Number of Races: 3 (two half-marathons, one 50k)

February

February was when Snowpocalypse 2011 enveloped all of FW-D in this crazy ice and snow, making it impossible to get out of the house without yaktrax or snowshoes. Some people improvised and drove screws into their shoes. Others of us waited it out, until we coudn't stand it anymore. I caved and did 15 miles at 24-hour Fitness on a Saturday afternoon, somehow staying on that treadmill for two hours and 45 minutes. CRAZY.

The next weekend, I inadvertently helped create one of the greatest rivalries of our time when I introduced Drum to Ninja. Or Ninja to Drum. Either way. They both came out to run a 20-miler in Fort Worth with me before Cowtown, but ended up leaving me in their dust with Suann while they became fast friends (literally fast!) and ran the whole 20 miles together. I found them both at the end, drinking beer. Little did we know!!

FW Running Company 20-Miler

After that 20-miler, I went back out to White Rock the next day for another WRL Girl run. Those never got old. All throughout the year, in all kinds of weather, it was never hard to say Yes to a run around the lake. Never.

Reunited!!

Good times at the lake.

The month ended up at the Cowtown Marathon. My Bubble of Love. Probably one of my top five running moments of the year, despite coming in just a bit too short on my goal for the day. No matter. I thought the Bubble was lightning in a bottle, that we could never recreate that magic. Nope, I was thankfully wrong, and the Bubble has been there in many other shapes and forms not just for me, but for all my Frunners, all year long. I fully expect that to continue.

The Bubble

Suann pacing me to a near-PR on a miserable day

February Stats:

Total Miles: 121

Number of Races: 2 (20-miler and full marathon)

March

March started off with a BANG, quite literally, as I ran the Texas Independence Relay with 10 other crazy women, dressed in pink tutus and boas, as the cannon shot off to send us on our first leg of the 201-mile relay from Gonzales to Houston. Good times, there, good times!!

The Mad-Dames, TIR 2011

FRUNNER!!!

Look who we found!! Twice actually!!

Van #1. Or, wait, were we Van #2? I can't remember!

Then, it was time for another marathon, this one out on trails at what we now affectionately call "Sandlands." This one was monumental because it was my Marathon Maniacs qualifier, and even though I slogged to a spectacular 7+ hour finish, I was greeted at the finish by, you guessed it, FRUNNERS!! What a joy to get to the end and see so many smiling faces!! Totally reminded me of how lucky I am to have all these great people in my life!!

YAY! Waiting for me to finish! Rockstars!!

Pre-race with Ninja & Drum!

Ended the month with another loop around White Rock. 18 miles with Fiona & Mel, although Mel ran 2 more than we did. Because she's a beast like that.

<3 This makes me happy!

March Stats:

Total Miles: 104

Number of Races: 1 (one marathon)

April

The highlight of the month of March without a doubt was Hells Yeah Hills. My second 50k, and the one in which I ran side by side with my friend Julie as she became an ultra-runner! It was such a great trip, beginning to end, with lots of time on the road, at the start, on the trail and post-race at the campsite with Julie, Jeremy, Fawn, Sarah, Libby, Stacy, Coco W, Matt, Fiona, Greg and Dat. When I think about how much fun the atmosphere at trail races can be, this is what comes to mind, with Fawn's trail orphans running barefoot to bring in the 50-milers, and just sitting enjoying the day. Lots of fun for sure! So worth that last NINE MILES!!

Who's the dude sporting Ink n Burn back there?!

Julie & Sarah, my 50k pals

NINE MILES!

Cherry sporting her bling!!

After the fun of Hells Yeah Hills wore off, it was time to get down to busines with our last long run before Oklahoma City. I went up to Grapevine for this one, to meet up with Marci & Kris and put the last bale of hay in the barn, as it were. It was miserably hot, I remember that, for so early in the year, and we were so grateful for the first sprinkler run/water dousing by a friendly lake neighbor. That was a tough one for me, physically and somewhat mentally, too. But, as the song goes, I get by with a little help from my my friends, and we ended our run with tired smiles, per usual.

More running with Frunners came a couple of weeks later at Allen, as we ran a few new paved trails up yonder and ended with the nice chatting and camaraderie at the end. This kind of group run reinforces to me that most runners don't care what your splits are, or the pace or distance, or even if someone is sidelined with an injury, that we are all just one big happy group!

Cassie had right idea with the blanket. It was still chilly!

Toward the end of April, I again met with a big group of Frunners, this time out at Northshore for some trail goodness!! Good friends, dirty trails, bagels & beer at the end. Who could ask for anything more?

Why am I in front? #ASH

Like a totem pole!

April Stats:

Total Miles: 134

Number of Races: 1 (one 50k)

May

Wow. May. So much to say about May and the races I ran and the fun times on the trails. Sadly, this month was also fraught with pain and uncertainty as I faced my father's illness and my impending surgery. I was determined to make the most out of every day that I could. Looking back, I think I did a pretty damn good job of that, if I do say so myself!!

The first race of the month was Oklahoma City Marathon. Much has been written, said and remembered about this race, so I won't go into it again here. Just suffice to say that those of us who were there will be bonded through the rain, hail, lightning and cold for life, just as those who ran White Rock here a few weeks ago will forever remember that day. What a day!!

WRL shirts. We looked better from behind than usual!

Lightning? Rain? IS THAT ALL YOU GOT?!!

Right after OKC, I drove down to my hometown to spend some time with my paretns, and got to run a bit at the Bird Center Loop trails down there. It was an unexpected find, but did wonders for my troubled soul at that point in time. Those runs, however short, reinforced to me that at my soul I am a trail runner.

The Arroyo Colorado, Harlingen, Texas

Hot, dusty & dry. Welcome home.

Got things settled with my parents and then headed home in time to meet my Frunners out at my favoritest trail in FW-D, Knob Hills. I always have loved these trails, and there's always an adventure to be found out there! My "Happy Place" is here, and even though some people find the trail not technical enough, too short, or too boring, I find it magical. Always will.

Brought Tim out for a little trail run! didn't even get lost this time!

Um, this girl needs a barrette. or scrunchy. or something...

Had a couple of more chances to run trails that month, including some paved trails out at Arbor Hills. Sadly, it was a little too muddy for dirt that day, but it was a good time on the north end of FW-D, with lots of NTX frunners to be found!

Far North Oklahoma! =)

Look who we found!

Some kind of club, it seems!

Way too happy to be running!

We followed that nice little social run up with another dose of trail goodness, Beer & Bagels style!! Trails, good friends, fancy-schmancy breakfast after. Can't be beat, I tell ya!

Good times. Great pic when the EBV is in the shot!

Discussing merits of Best Pack Ever?

Actually looks like I can keep up!! HA!

Fi & Cherry, post-run!

DIGGER! Dirty boy!!

Beer & Bagels or Huevos Rancheros with Bloody Marys?

I ended the month with a 5k out at the Trinity River in Fort Worth with Bojana, my favorite goddess, and Marci. This run sucked mightily, thanks to the crazy humidity and the complete number my body was playing on me by then, as I anxiously awaited Operation Girl Parts Be Gone. It was a struggle to break 30 minutes, whereas a mere five months before I could have gone 28 minutes without breathing heavily. Tough day, but as usual, the post-race socializing, sharing and conversation more than made up for what went down on the race course. Story of my life, right there!!

May Stats:

Total Miles: 100

Number of Races: 2 (one marathon, one 5k)

June

June started out by me deciding to not run the Minneapolis Marathon that had been on my calendar for a few months. I had airfare bought with miles, but had not registered for the race until the week of, and when it came time to hit Submit, I just couldn't pull the trigger. I was tired, my body was wiped out from crazy hormonal surges, and I just needed a break. So I didn't go, forgoing my chance to level up to two stars in Marathon Maniacs. And that was just the right thing to do. It gave me a chance to recharge a little bit, and to be available for Libby's birthday run, as she tackled 31 miles over the course of a weekend. She had a big group with her on Saturday for most of the miles, but still needed a few more on Sunday.

Libby & Michael finishing up Birthday run part the second.

Obligatory self-portrait AND butt shot in ONE! #FIGJAM

The next weekend, it was back up to the north end of the world for another social run with NTX, and a little body-work by our favorite LMT Erin. I think this is the furthest I've ever driven to run a 5k, but it was so worth it. It was a gorgeous hot summer day and seeing good friends is nearly always worth the drive and the solo dance parties in the EBV.

Half of Team K & the Best LMT You Know

This was a good day!

Trail goodness!

The last group run of the month for me was out at, wait for it... White Rock! Of course it was, with the full contingent of the WRL girls who ran the full at OKC. We'd had time to dry out, thaw out and otherwise mostly heal from that adventure, and it meant so much to me that they all came out to run before I headed into surgery two weeks later. The WRL girls are a common theme in 2011 for me. This group dynamic was forged in the heat of August long runs, tempered in the cold and rain of Oklahoma City, polished through countless calls, texts, emails and IMs. When I think about my Frunners, and my Bubble of Love, these are the faces and voices that come to mind first.

Through fire I would walk for these girls. Through fire.

Right after this run, I was called down to the Valley, to my roots, to say goodbye to my father. The day after I arrived, the day after he died, I ran. The next day, I ran again, by myself, through the bird center preserve I had discovered on my previous trip. I got off the path somehow (well, it's me, not too hard to figure out how THAT happened, really), and ended up wandering through thigh-high scrub and brush and cactus for an hour before I found my way back to the trail. The preserve is a scant half-mile across, if that, but I wandered aimlessly for a good while, and during that time, I felt all kinds of emotional release and communing with the world around me. I emerged onto the trail scratched, beaten up and yet whole, mentally and physically. It was a good run. I ran again on the day we had his memorial service. This is from that run report:

I went running today. I have far more important things to attend to, later, but I went running this morning anyway. I needed to. It's what I do. It's who I am.

I saw a beautiful south Texas sunrise. I saw a lone cardinal in a bare tree branch. And I said "goodbye."

When I came home the following week, I had a total laparoscopic hysterectomy and was relegated to walking or hiking for six weeks. I did not run any races in June.

June Stats:

Total Miles: 39

Number of Races: 0

Next up: July through December. The ride continues!!

Top 10 Moments: Operation Sunshine

2011-12-05T07:42:00.001-06:00

I went out to cheer for the bajillion Frunners & Twitter/Daily Mile friends at the Dallas White Rock Marathon yesterday. It was brutally rainy, cold and miserable all morning, and we declared our little cheer group of three to be Operation Sunshine. Here are my Top Ten moments from the day:

I look like a Marshmallow Peep....

Losing the car in the parking lot as we left Fair Park, BEFORE the race...
Hijacking the empty stage for our tambourine band
Seeing the elites zoom by us at Mile 7
Yelling "Shirtless Runner" at the brave souls who went shirtless
Hearing that Drum kidnapped a Kenyan at the RAW water station
Getting laughed at by Dallas Morning News report for hugging a runner I didn't know.
"You gotta be smarter than the poncho"
Watching random wet and cold runners smile as they passed us
Being a part of a crazy, epic running day with so many friends
Seeing all our FRUNNERS!! on the course!

Pre-race in dry warm Coliseum

G before his PR with Marci

Elite runners at Mile 7

Mark L looking wet but happy!

MK rocking her first marathon

D headed out on the lake

MEL!!

Cheer squad & water stop workers

Lots and LOTS of runners!!

Would YOU take water from this person??

Still smiling after 21 miles!!

The Power of the Turtle

2011-11-07T10:28:00.000-06:00

I had a little turtle, his name was Tiny Tim
I put him in the bathtub to see if he could swim
He drank up all the water, he ate up all the soap
He tried to eat the bathtub but it woudn't go down his throat
Bubble Bubble Bubble
Bubble Bubble Bubble
Bubble Bubble Bubble
Bubble Bubble POP!

I sang this song for my friend Marci at some point during our training for OKC, or maybe during her training for Chicago '11, when we were talking about how slow we felt sometimes, and how for back-of-the-pack runners, long SLOW distance can be pretty slow, sometimes 12-minute miles or more. So slow, in fact, that some "elite" runners dismiss us as "not even running." But we always came back to the idea that it doesn't matter how slow we are, as long as we DON'T STOP. Marci had a charm made of a turtle and wore it around her neck during Chicago, in which she busted wide open her marathon PR by 37 minutes. She says she called on that turtle, and on my words, during her successful push for her goal of a sub-5-hour marathon.

Separated at Birth, Sisters We Choose

Marci gave me that charm to borrow during my fall ultras. I wore it at Palo Duro Canyon, when I DNFed at Mile 18. And I had it around my neck when I drove down with 3 much stronger, much faster runners who were attempting their first ultra at Rocky Raccoon 50k in Huntsville State Park this weekend.

Libby, Fiona and Alicia have all had amazing training and racing times recently, while I struggled with consistency and lost "speed" and recovery after my hysterectomy & other things this summer. But I've been on the 50k road before though, and they felt like they could learn something from me. I only hoped to rein them in as much as I could on the first 15.5 mile loop, so they'd have enough energy and push left for the second loop. I knew I'd have my work cut out for me to keep these raging racehorses tempered, but I also knew that when push came to shove, if they were feeling stronger than I was out there, that they were free to go on ahead and leave me to pull up the rear. We had come up with a race strategy on the way down there of sticking together as much as made sense in the first loop, and then making the call on breaking out on the second. And I have to say that it seemed to have worked really well for all of us - we had times of running together in various combinations and we all had times of running alone. I think we were able to really draw on each other when we needed it, and yet each of these women is strong enough and well-trained enough to have done this on their own, although we were lucky enough to not have to do that. And we were also fortunate that we had Fawn, Kerry, Tony and a surprise support team member waiting for us at base camp.

The crew at packet pick-up. So happy to share in their first ultras!

I had a lot of demons to conquer during this race. I was fresh off the DNF at Palo Duro, in which I became dizzy and blacked out for a millisecond at mile 16- not too much, but enough that I was not ready to go back out in the heat and unrelenting sun that had emerged by the time I had to hit the second 12-mile loop. I wasn't prepared to pass out in a ravine somewhere. I was dehydrated for the better part of a week after that race, so I had to figure out what had gone wrong and how I could prevent a repeat. I also had some slight stomach issues immediately after Run for the Ducks, so I was concerned about that as well. And there is always the mental part of this, the part that says "Really? Why? Isn't 18 miles enough? Why do you have to do this? WHY? What are you trying to prove? and to who???" You sure as shit better have the right answers when those questions pop up, because if you don't, it makes crying uncle and giving in look really appealing. And I have Erin & Drum to thank for helping me through this, because they really helped me get that straight in my own head as we drove to & from Palo Duro Canyon.

These two really helped me crystallize my motivation. Thanks!!

So, there you go. Much of what was running through my head as we headed down to Huntsville. I tried not to feel the pressure of "shepherding" the girls through their first ultra, as I knew they were more than capable of it, but I also tried to give them the few insights and nuggets I've learned the hard way at my previous 50ks. Most importantly, I wanted them to take it slowly at the start, especially since we were in the dark, and be careful of the roots and footing in the first few miles. I also emphasized that we wanted to walk the uphills even early on, and control our descents on the few downhills. No need to bomb out our quads in the first hour, when we would definitely want them working later on. The other one is my big downfall, which is that I tend to move into the aid stations, hang out, take pictures, chat with the volunteers (they are a very helpful bunch, after all!) and just linger too long. So, from the get-go, I was cognizant about all of this, and tried to be supportive and encouraging and cheerful and all the while knowing that I was going to end up behind them all, because at the end of the day, I have more guts and determination than real physical skill at this. I know this. And I'm okay with this. Just don't make me stop doing it.

Pre-race. Chilly cool weather that was PERFECT all day!

Anyway, race morning was a flurry of activity, as usual, getting to the race site, pretty close to our hotel. For some reason, I thought we had a 6:30 start, so I hadn't started eating when we got to the park and picked up our bibs. Only about 5:35 or so did I realize we were starting in a few minutes and I hadn't taken in ANY calories. Oops! I gobbled half a clif bar and hit the bathrooms, then wandered over to the start line. The girls had already taken Libby's cooler and set up an impromptu drop bag area near some trees, so we set that up and then joined the fray at the start.

It was dark. Really dark

Alicia and Libby have pretty detailed accounts of the first loop on their blogs, so I would direct you there for the technical details. I know I let them go about 50 yards in front of me early on, because I could still see them and hear them (Marco! Polo!) and I was keeping the gap pretty even. I only did that once I knew they wouldn't be too fast, and were remembering to walk the uphills. I hate roots, and there were a lot of roots. I am tentative on this terrain, which I know I need to deal with, but I also knew it wouldn't do me any good to take a digger in the first 3 miles. So I was content to go just a TAD slower and be conservative. And really, I ended up at the first aid station about a minute after they did, quick enough for us to take a group pic. Really, at this point, we all were feeling strong and confident, and the weather was just amazingly perfect. By the time we left the first aid station, we could see the sun peeking out just a bit, and that gloaming light was teasing us that soon enough we could dump the headlamps. I was feeling good. Things were going well.

My view for most of first loop!! This is what happens when you're faster than I am!

After a bit, Libby and Fiona pulled in front, leaving Alicia and I to pick our way through the woods and chat and just run. Except for the roots, which made me feel very stabby, I really enjoyed this trail. Lots of towering trees, the pretty lake, random little wooden walkways over swampy areas. Alicia commented at one point that it looked like I was dancing as I picked my way around the roots, and I really did feel light on my feet. It was pretty cool. Once the light came up, I was feeling really confident about my ability to handle the terrain. Before we knew it, we were at the last aid station on the loop, just less than 5k from the start/finish.

Beautiful scenery off one of the footbridges.

At this point, I feel safe enough that Alicia won't spoil the surprise to tell her that Greg, Fiona's husband and a super-ultra runner himself, was going to be waiting for us at the halfway point. He knows how crucial a lift it can be to see a friendly face during a race, and he had let me in on my secret and I was DYING to share! Apparently, she was surprised, so I did my part! whew!! Alicia sprinted in front of me in the last half-mile or so, and reached the clearing into the start. I stayed behind just a bit to chat with Greg and give him a hug, and snap a pic of him with the girls. Then on into the camp to prepare for the second loop.

Alicia & I hung together for most of back half of first loop.

Requisite self-portrait!

Ultra Ninja G & the girls!

Right when I came through the chute to mark my loop time, the 50k winner came in behind me. Wow. Yeah, I'm slow. I get it. Whatevs, I'll still finish this damn thing.

So, I changed shoes and that was pretty much all I had to do. I started out in the NB 10s, and they worked pretty well at PDC but with the roots, I was feeling the bumps a little more than I was comfortable with. I switched into my North Face shoes that are just as minimalist but have a sturdier rock plate. They are a little longer, though, so I tend to trip if I don't lift my feet enough, and I needed to be aware of that, but I felt the trade-off was worth it so my soles didn't get beat up so much. I did grab a couple of acetaminophen from Alicia because my knee was starting to ache a bit, not much, but I wanted to get ahead of it. By the time I headed out, Fiona had already taken off, and Libby and Alicia were ready to roll. As we headed out, we saw a ton of 25kers finishing their loops and shaking their heads at us, giving us "way to go"s as we went out as they were done for the day. At this point, Libby and Alicia surged in front just a bit, and I could see them on the long jeep road (which did seem WAY longer in the daylight!) just ahead of me. We got to see our friend Ali Wheat on her way out of the first aid station and the about a mile in front of us we saw Fiona, looking strong and fresh. Go Fiona!!

Fiona rocked the hell outta this course! woot woot!

I reached the aid station just after Libby and Alicia and stopped for a bit to eat a peanut butter-slathered bagel bite. I'd been alternating between bananas and bagels up to now and it was working just fine, so I was sticking with it. I'd also set my timer about an hour in to go off every 15 minutes. I alternated longer sips of water with water & E-caps (I use Hammer Endurolytes) every time it beeped. That really helped keep me on track, I feel. But, standing there at the aid station, I was feeling tired. I was wiped out. I felt like the girls had gotten in front of me and I just couldn't close the gap, no matter what I did. And I started to think that Mile 18 was my true wall. At Tyler Rose last year, I had to start walking at Mile 18. At NYCM, I had to stop and have both knees taped at Mile 18. At OKC, I had to let Fiona and Marci go ahead of me at Mile 18. And at PDC, just 3 weeks ago, I had dropped out at Mile 18 after walking two miles after the Swoon. What the hell? But standing there at the aid station, it wasn't physical at that point, though, it was mental. It seems like I always fall apart at Mile 18 and what was it going to take to get me to not? I didn't know. And I didn't know that I really cared right there and then. All this flashed through my mind in about 2 seconds.

Requisite shoe shot. Little stretches of sand popped up.

Until the volunteers asked if this was my first one. And I said "No, I did Bandera..." and I was going to add, "it took me forever." But the volunteer cut me off and said, "Well, then this is NOTHING! People can't understand Bandera until they do it. You can finish this." I finally said, "but it took me 11 hours," and he said, "So?" At that moment, I reached up and I grabbed Tiny Tim, on the chain on my necklace. And I heard clear as day Marci's voice saying "You don't have to run fast. You just have to keep moving." And I took another bite of bagel, and I asked the volunteer how far to the next aid station. He said 3.5 miles, that I was at mile 19 right there. Wait, what? 19? I didn't even know it, because I'm bad with math and I didn't really pay attention to the spacing of the aid stations, but I'd already crossed Mile 18. Well, hell. Let's do this thing, then!

I didn't walk one step between that aid station and the next. I could see Alicia & Fiona in front of me, and I closed the gap significantly, even though I wasn't running fast, I was running. The painkillers had kicked in and I wasn't feeling any pain. And I knew that I would finish. I knew it would be slow, and I knew they'd be tearing down the aid stations behind me, but I also knew that by the time I got to the next station, I'd have less than NINE MILES to go, and I was going to do this. I caught up to them at the aid station, and we took a pic together. Then they surged ahead again, and I was ok to go the rest of the way alone. Except that I saw them at the top of a rise just in front of me, about a half mile out. And I yelled, "WAIT FOR ME!" For some reason, I needed just one more little bit of hanging with them. I wanted to see them just a little bit more. They waited for me at the top of the rill and we took one more picture, and then just like that, I was suddenly okay to drop back. I told them I'd see them at the end.

Libby & Alicia were just ahead of me on first 2 aid stations.

From there, all I needed to do was get to one more aid station five miles out, and then I was another 3 from the finish. That five miles was the LONGEST five miles ever!! I saw a hiking group on the trail and quite a few cyclists in that stretch. The hikers were young kids with a school group, and they all cheered for me as I came through. That was awesome! I said, "Thanks, y'all make me feel like a rockstar even though I'm second to last right now!" and one of the kids said, "Hey, you're doing better than me!" That gave me a boost for sure!! They also said, "Your friends are just up ahead, keep going!"

Thanks to hikers for my new profile pic!

At one point, I thought that stupid water cooler a mile out from the aid station was never going to appear. I was running, walking some, running, whatever I could. I knew I had slowed down a LOT. I crossed a bridge and seriously just wanted to sit. For just a minute. I was hungry earlier so luckily I had my granola bar with me and had eaten one of the two in the pack, walking while I did, even through some fairly runnable stretches. But it was the first time in the day that my stomach growled at me for being hungry so I paid attention. I had kept up with the hydration and e-caps just fine but realized that I was hungry because at the last station, I had thrown away the bagel when I found it was a jalapeno bagel with peanut butter. Bleargh!! I felt much more energized after eating, but I was still so so tired. I passed a bridge and considered just plopping myself down on the edge of it to get a break and get off my feet, but then I looked ahead and no more than 5 feet on the other side of it was a metal park bench. HA!! Perfect. I looked at my watch and noted the time. I was not going to allow myself more than 3 minutes here. I just needed to take my weight off my feet. I drank a bit and reflected on where I was, and what I needed to do. I rubbed my turtle charm and knew that I was going to finish. I knew that I could do this. There was one walker behind me, but how far behind I wasn't sure. I thought he might be catching up to me, so that motivated me to get moving again. I promised myself that as soon as I hit the water cooler that I would RUN to the next aid station, no matter what. And that's what I did.

When I pulled in, I was so excited to see them. And the first thing the volunteer did was tell me that the Longhorns were whooping on Tech. Then he told me I wasn't 3 miles from the finish, I was 2.8 miles from the end. Oh mah guah! That's less than my park loop. I pulled into that station at 7:55 on my watch. I knew I could crawl 3 miles in an hour. I was going to have a PR!! That got me going really quickly. I thanked them profusely and went on my way. I had this!!

We don't have these trees in NTX!

I kept visualizing sections of my run to the park & back, and breaking down the terrain in front of me into similar sized chunks - from the front door to the end of the block, from our block down three more to the turn, from the start of the park to the mile marker, etc. I just kept moving. I finally came out of the woods into the end of the trail and saw a course volunteer on a chair right at the turn into the final stretch. He told me I had a mile to go. I remembered this stretch from the previous 3 times we'd been on it - I hated it!! Old gravel & a few more inclines. UGH! But, I was almost there!!

About half a mile away, I see this person coming toward me wearing the brightest shirt ever!! It was Tony, from Twitter, who had run his first 50k earlier, with Fawn. He was either appointed or chose to come out and find me, since I was the last of our crew to come in. He told me he had run with Fawn the whole way (JEALOUS!) and had been hanging out with our group since. What fun! I was so glad to see him, and more glad that I was so close. He was walking, and I was running, and his pace was about the same as mine!! But, hey, I was RUNNING!! About 200 yards from the last clearing into the finish, I asked him if he would please take my pack and camera and go on ahead and tell them I was coming.

As I turned into view, I saw a desolate finish line, but for this small group of frunners, waving and cheering and calling my name!! I can't tell you what an awesome feeling that is!!! I started to tear up, but I fought it off (NO CRYING ON THE COURSE!!) and just ran in as strong as I could. WOOT WOOT!!

I'm DONE!

I did it. Ultra #3 in the bag. Last female finisher, ahead of just one other person. That doesn't matter. I finished, and with a PR of one hour and five minutes, too. Mile 18 didn't get me. I powered through, I channeled Timmy, and I just kept moving. Thanks to Marci for being with me in spirit, HUGE congrats to Libby, Fiona, Alicia and Tony on their first 50ks. Big-time thanks to Tony for bringing me in on that last half-mile. Kudos to Greg for showing up all the other race hubbies and surprising Fi with his support. Hugs to Fawn for making me smile and inspiring me every time I see her!! And the biggest thanks goes to my family, who tolerates me running away every few weeks to go play in the woods, and who let me know that they are proud of me, even when I don't finish, even when I come in second-to-last. I can't do it without them, and doing it makes me a better person.

Finisher award!

Thanks, Tony!

Frunner Finishers. CONGRATS & Thank you ALL!

Wild Hare is coming up in two weeks. I get to do it again. I can't wait!!

Hi there...

2011-10-31T11:51:00.000-06:00

Hi blog. I miss you. I am woefully behind. Life has exploded around me, in good ways. I owe you a couple of race reports, a rant on "running" as an Athena or Clydesdale, probably pictures, even though I stepped on my camera at PDC (oh, NOES!!). But, like I said, life is a little crazy. I've gotten older, had Dreadpirate DinoBoy (aka Thing 2) get a year older on me, too (funny how that happens on my birthday every year!). The hockey player nearly scrambled his head again, so we had an enforced break from practice & playing although we still went to cheer on & support the team. Mom is here for a while, which is good news as well. Because she can help with the kitchen remodeling I decided to undertake in lieu of going to a World Series game. Oh, and, yeah, three races in the next 4 weeks. Really looking forward to those, I am. Lots to be excited about for all of them.

So, there. Too much about what is going on, but not enough info about any of it, really!! Sigh. One day, I will be all caught up, here and in life... Today is not the day... Maybe tomorrow? ;)

I crack myself up sometimes...

2011-10-17T16:25:00.001-06:00

So I get here, mostly prepared to do another verbal vomit post about what I thought was a spectacular flop at Palo Duro 50K tihs weekend (get yer bucket ready, watch yer shoes!), and the first thing I see in my last post? This:

Life is too short to overthink it, to analyze, to miss out on the fun because we might not do well, or because we might not meet the expectations that we set for ourselves. Sometimes, it's better to choose to shoot high and fail miserably (in our own eyes, not in anyone else's) than to sit by and not even try. That's why I'm still doing PDC & Rocky. That's why I'm still doing Wild Hare. I am going to channel my inner Cub Scout and "Do My Best." and if it's not enough? Then I get up, dust off and try again.

HA! I'm smarter than I think I am. Why don't I remember this stuff from day to day? Wow. There will be much more to come soon enough about all this, but for now, you can put the bucket away, because you know what? I shot high, I failed, but only in my own eyes, and only momentarily. I made the right decision to drop after 18 miles, and I get to get up, dust off that red dirt from my shoes, and try again. I had an amazing time on the trip from beginning to end, experiencing new things like camping for the first time. I got to spend time in the car getting to know two awesome inspiring women in Drum & Erin. I got to see my dear friend Julie & meet Vickie for the first time, and I had a blast hanging out in the shade with Cherry, Psycho, PeePaw & a bunch of other crazy runner folks. How is that not fun?

Guess what, y'all? The sun rose again, even though I didn't finish the race. My frunners still love me. My kids weren't crushed that I didn't finish - they were just glad I came home safely (NOTE TO SELF: This trumps ALL).

I need to remember not to take this shit too seriously. It's supposed to be fun. I won't forget it again.

So glad I got to travel with these chicks!

THIS is what it's all about!

Friday Five: The Frunner Edition

2011-10-07T15:21:00.000-06:00

Because I can't let that whiny, "wah-wah-wah" post from last night live at the top of this page for too long... We have the Friday Five, today focused on Things My Frunners Have Taught Me:

Life is a series of choices. We make those choices as best we can, with the information we have in front of us. Sometimes. Sometimes we say "What the fuck ever" and dive right in anyway. I tend to believe that since turning 40, and since experiencing some pretty heavy stuff in my relationships and my world in the past year, that I am leaning more and more toward saying WTFE and just going for it. Life is too short to overthink it, to analyze, to miss out on the fun because we might not do well, or because we might not meet the expectations that we set for ourselves. Sometimes, it's better to choose to shoot high and fail miserably (in our own eyes, not in anyone else's) than to sit by and not even try. That's why I'm still doing PDC & Rocky. That's why I'm still doing Wild Hare. I am going to channel my inner Cub Scout and "Do My Best." and if it's not enough? Then I get up, dust off and try again.
The goals I set, and the effort I put into reaching those goals, are up to me. I don't go after them for anyone else on this entire planet. The effort I put into those goals is directly determined by how much energy and time I have to devote to it, and is completely dependent on the choices I make. I cannot compare my training schedule, nutrition, paces, or results to anyone else, because my life is not like anyone else's. And when I make the choices I make, I am the one who gets to live with the consequences. It's all about cost-benefit, and what I'm willing to pay and where I draw the line. I need to remember that.
We are our own harshest critics. We need to learn to shut up, get out from between our ears, and get out of our own way.
True Frunners don't care what your pace is, or your PR, or even if you ever run another step in your life. They care what shoes you have (because most good Frunners are bonafide shoe ~~HOES~~! enthusiasts and want to know if they are pretty, visible from space, and if they'll cut 10 second off their 5k PR), and they care whether you will be there are the start, finish and midway through races, and if so, would you save them a beer? They care if you get a butt shot or a white girl gangster shot of them at the Lake. They care about your well-being, and your emotional health. They care about you.
It's perfectly acceptable to have "Have Fun" and "Finish the Damn Thing" as goals.

Trail FRUNNERS!

White Rock Lake Girl FRUNNERS

MORE Trail FRUNNERS! Wait, mostly the same Frunners!

Middle of the Night Frunners

Freezy cold Frunners

Bubble of Love Frunners

Well, hell...

2011-10-06T21:49:00.001-06:00

NOTE: This is basically verbal vomit. Careful with your shoes, I"m sure it splattered everywhere. I also probably am going to include a lot of language that I typically try to filter out here on the blog (even though I'm known to be pretty liberal with the f-bomb in particular in real life...). I just need to get his out of my head, and it's going to be messy and it's going to be ugly, and I can't promise it will make any sense at all. I can't help that, I just need to express it. Sorry.

I have avoided running lately. In the nearly 2 weeks since The Run for the Ducks, which was an incredible experience and deserves a long-overdue post of its own, I have put in a whopping 14 miles. Three of those were on my own, and the other 11 were an LSD run around the lake with my girls last Sunday.

Why have I avoided it? Because I think when run. And there's been a lot of stuff going on in my head that I haven't wanted to think about. And so when I have found "opportunities" to belay my daily mileage, I've taken them. It's late, it's early, I'm recovering, I just ate, I haven't eaten, I'm tired, my knee hurts, it's too hot, it's too cold. Those are just excuses. Even worse, they are bad excuses. Bottom line, I am a fraud.

What does that mean? It means that I haven't pushed myself as a runner since Cowtown. I put everything that I had on the streets of Fort Worth, and since then, I've run 3 more marathons and a half and a few 5ks and yet I haven't pushed myself to the limit since February. And even then, if not for my bubble of love I would have started walking a mile 19, when it got hard. What does that say? I've had "reasons" to take it easy, rationale for not going 110 percent, balls to the wall since then. For Grasslands, it was my Maniacs qualifier, so I just had to finish. So what did I do? I just finished. For Hells Yeah Hills, I paced Julie. And when things got tough, we walked a bit more than I needed to, because I didn't want to leave her. That was the right thing to do, don't get me wrong. But that race wasn't really difficult for me. It was a challenge, yes, don't get me wrong there. But I didn't come away from that race thinking, "wow, I can't go another step." I had a blast. It was fun, which I guess is a good thing. But I didn't push. I played it safe.

Then there was Oklahoma City. Well, that one is a story all to itself. But because of the circumstances, again, not that I would do anything differently, but I didn't push myself then either. And I am okay with that. But, really, this is another prime example of how I've been allowed to get away with it. Races like OKC have actually perpetuated my tendency to just finish, to just get to the end. And that's been enough for me. But, really, should it be? Since when did I become OK with just finishing?

I actually caught myself on Twitter this week saying I was shooting for DFL. Who the fuck says that? Really? When did "just finishing" become enough for me? Am I self-sabotaging my best performance by bailing on my runs, by coming up with "rationales" for "resting," so that when I do finish dead last, if I even make the cutoffs, I can say, "ha, ha, told ya!"? Really? What is that about? Why am I not doing the work? I know what it takes to finish a 50k. I know it's not a foregone conclusion. So why am I not doing the work? Is it to give myself an out? Is it so that when I don't make the cutoff on November 19, I can say, well, I *did* just have surgery... it was crazy of me to try for 50 miles so soon. Is that my game?

What am I afraid of? Is it that I can do the work and it still won't be enough? Ever since the doctor told me that there is nothing wrong with me physically, and the nutritionist said she had nothing more to offer me except maybe I shouldn't eat lunch at my desk (???), I have not been doing the work.

I see my friends knocking out these amazing workouts day after day. I see them doing back-to-back long runs, like what was on my plan that I haven't had the courage to open since Hottest Half. I see Drum waking up at 4 AM to do hot yoga, then hammering out a weights workout and a trail run. On a weekday. I see Libby kicking ass with 3 marathons in 70 days, working with a personal trainer to get all buff & stuff, and that's with a pre-schooler & an infant. I see people like Erin, who are struggling with injury but want nothing more than to go for a run. And here I am, sleeping in and putting off the morning run, and then finding a reason to not do it in the evening. And then I think back on last fall, on how I missed ONE workout in the entire 18 week training plan for NYC. And I wonder what happened to that person, to that runner who was so dedicated and so motivated and so freaking in love with running. Because she doesn't live here anymore. I don't know where she's gone.

I do like to run, I do. But it's hard these days. And the reality is, yes, I have had to start over since the surgery. From scratch. and that sucks. And I've had some heavy emotional stuff, dealing with my dad and then trying to help my mom cope. And as much as I can tell myself that it's a fresh start and I shouldn't, can't look at what I used to do, I can't help it. I compare myself today with what I used to be able to do. It's impossible not to. So is that what's holding me back from trying now? It doesn't make any sense that it's harder so I work less? I'm so screwed up right now. I don't have the answers. I don't know how to solve this, except to suck it up and deal and start running. Simple, right?

So what does this mean for the 125 miles of races I have in the next six weeks? culminating in that little 50-miler? Well... I'm still doing them. I'm still committed. But I don't know that I'm content to "just finish" anymore. But it's kinda late to cram for a 50k. So what's the plan? Get the weekday runs done, for one. No more excuses. No more "rationale" for why it's ok to skip them. Dial in the nutrition even tighter. Focus. It's no longer enough for me to show up with a camera and a smile and be content to just finish. I have to find my motivation again. I have to find my drive to do the training so that I set myself up a little bit better than what I've done so far. The training alone won't get it done when it gets hard, for that you need the mental part. I have that mental part down pat, I think, but I know I need to get the physical part down too. The mental part alone won't get it done, either.

I don't know if this post makes any sense. All I know is that these are the thoughts and the feelings and the fears that popped into my head as I made four really not very fun loops around my neighborhood tonight. What does it mean? I don't know. Am I really going to get off my ass & get some weekday runs done now? I don't know. I do know that I'm going to open up that Wild Hare training plan and take a look at it and see where I am and what I can do to finish the ramp up with a little more intensity and purposefulness than I've done in the last month. I do know that I'm going to go to Palo Duro Canyon next week and see what I can do with what I've got right now and make adjustments as needed. And I won't be content with just finishing.

On Mental Toughness

2011-09-14T15:28:00.000-06:00

So, apparently, I have ~~committed to~~ signed up for a race in 2 weeks that involves ducks and loops and eight hours on my feet or some such? I blame @twitter. Or the big-azz google document that a bunch of frunners have been collaborating on that includes pretty much every race in NTexas from now until May, so that we can better coordinate 1) training runs, 2) carpooling & lodging as needed, 3) meetups/post-run party and 4) showdowns. In any case, yes, I will be Running From the Ducks on September 25.

will there be real ducks? I'm not sure... quack quack!!

This race is set up on a looped course, and you start when they say go and stop 8 hours later. You have a chip on your shoe and it tracks how many loops you cover. You can set up a campsite with your chair, cooler, drop bag essentials like extra shoes, socks, bandaids, tequila, whatever you might need to get you through 8 hours of running/walking/slogging/marathon death marching.

Why am I doing this? Besides the aforementioned twitter-pressure (yes, I blame Twitter generically but I blame @trigolfer specifically), I thought it would be an excellent way to get a true measure of my stamina and endurance at this point in time. The 5k tests I've done in August and again this past Saturday (2nd AG, thank you very much!!) are good to tell me what my max pain point will get me in miles per hour, but what does that tell me about where I am relative to running (and finishing) a 50K? or more importantly, a 50-miler? I know I need to make adjustments to the training plan, and when I saw this race I thought it would be an excellent marker of not only Where Am I? but How Far Do I Have to Go?

So, I'm in. And for someone who hates the monotony of a treadmill, I'm not sure that hours upon hours on a tiny loop like that is going to be fun. Sure, the race atmosphere is great, and coming back through camp every 10-12 minutes will be fun, but I get bored easily. It's a character flaw I'm working on (or at least I start to work on it, until... well, yeah... I get bored with it...PLEASE tell me this was not a surprise to you). This means that doing this race, and preparing for this race, is really less of a physical challenge for me (not that it won't be challenging physically, because I might want to die at the end) but more of a mental exercise. I practiced for this race on Sunday morning with my long run of 12 miles, and let me tell you, mental exercise doesn't describe it as well as mental TORTURE!

This was my longest run since the surgery, not counting the Hottest Half in mid-August. I wasn't sure what my paces would be, and I knew I was going it alone. My iPod has been janky lately so I wasn't even going to count on using it. I mapped out a .85 mile loop around my house - very coincidentally, it's the distance around my block and the block over - and got set up to run. I took a bottle of water and a bottle of my patented gator-wator (Blue Powerade, even though BLUE IS NOT A FLAVOR!!) and set them on the fence that runs along the creek opposite my block. I set the stopwatch to zero, not so much to track time, but to just get an idea of what I was looking at pace-wise when it was done, and to track laps. I had to have SOME way to track laps or I knew I would lose count. I had dilly-dallied a bit more than I should have, and I had a thing to get ready for, so when I started running at 7 AM, I knew I had just about 2 and a half hours to get it done. With a half-marathon time of 2:50 a month ago, plus a two-week break in the interim, I didn't really know if I could hit the full 12 miles. I was just going to go until it was time to stop.

So, first loop. Ok, I can do this... 13 more times... Oy. Second loop. the mind starts to wander... "Are we there yet?" Third loop, find something to focus on. Counting the number of parked cars got old on the first lap. Nobody is out walking dogs or jogging so nobody to talk to like when I go to the park. I remember on Daily Mile reading something about nose breathing. So I decide I'm going to try it for a lap and see what happens. I can't at that moment remember what was supposed to be good about it, or why i should do it, but I thought, why not? So I did. And my 3rd lap time was comparable to the first two, but with what felt like much less effort. If anything, I was gasping a little more than I should have been so early in a long run and the nose breathing put a stop to that. Hmmm. fluke? Let's try it again. So 4th lap was more nose breathing. Did I slow down? Nope, same results. Groovy!!

So that's what I did. I picked something different every lap after that to really hone in on. Potato chip hands on one lap. Not stomping the hell out of the sidewalk when I land on another. Not doing that weird hand curl thing I do with my left hand on another lap. Before I knew it, it was time to rotate and change directions! Halfway through!! WOOT!

By now it was getting warm, as the sun had come up full, but I was doing really well with my hydration strategy of sipping water each lap for the first 5 loops, then alternating water & Gatorwater. Didn't feel tired, didn't feel muscle fatigue, or any tweaks or twinges. In fact, I started to speed up. It was very exciting, but I kept waiting for the other shoe to drop and the pace to fall. but it didn't. I was just feeling strong all the way through. And before I knew it, I was counting down and had only 3 laps to go. Well, pffft, that ain't nothing but a thing! Finally, two hours and 16 minutes after I started, i was DONE. 12 miles on a .85 mile loop. And I didn't lose my mind!

I did play with peeling off to my 10k loop when I hit the 6 mile mark, but talked myself out of it. Then I thought about going to my park 5k loop when I hit 9 miles, thinking that if I did that, I'd be done when I got back. Each time, the Angry Voice in my head very rudely, yet convincingly, told the Impatient Voice to shut the hell up, we were going to do the loop, dammit. So, we stuck to the plan and did the loop. Again. And again. And again. It wasn't necessarily fun, but it wasn't hideous. I didn't give myself the option to quit running the loop. Just like I'm not going to give myself the option to quit during the race. Just keep moving. One more lap. One more loop. Loopty-loop-me. Rinse, repeat.

It also helped that I was getting faster as I went along on Sunday morning. I ended up negative-splitting that training run by 3 minutes. That's stupid - I *NEVER* negative split. I am the one who always comes out of the gate too fast and then dies a slow painful brutal death slogging in at the end. But I'll take it - maybe it's a good sign of things to come, of how things will be now. I just felt good and strong and capable. And let me tell you what. I needed that. Oh, I so very much needed that kind of a run, after the planned and unplanned breaks in training, and after the frustration of the tests that showed nothing, and after feeling like I was never going to feel like a runner again. So I would have to say that I passed this test. With flying colors. Kinda like a duck would...

That's a good thing, because I get to do it again this Sunday. I have a 10-mile race Saturday morning and then on Sunday I'll be back in the 'hood, circling the block again, this time for 15 miles. Woot and Squee indeed!!

.85 lap splits, because I have them:
Lap 1 10:17
Lap 2 9:52
Lap 3 10:00
Lap 4 9:53
Lap 5 9:57
Lap 6 9:42
Lap 7 9:38 - 1:09:22 at halfway point
Lap 8 9:20
Lap 9 9:28
Lap 10 9:22
Lap 11 9:31
Lap 12 9:46
Lap 13 9:45
Lap 14 8:54 - Last One, Fast One! 2:15:14

Friday Five: The "Not Really Scheduled Yet" Edition

2011-09-09T11:48:00.000-06:00

for your Friday enjoyment, here are ~~Five~~ Ten Races that Are NOT on my 2012 calendar... if only because the 2012 calendar is not yet officially being planned. The company line is that we aren't looking past Wild Hare and NYD/NYE Double at this moment (lies!! all LIES!). But once I decide that I am ready to start planning 2012 races, these are IN, baby!

Banderawesome. Because I loved the experience. 25k because I'm not stupid enough to do it again!
Texas Half. I did the hardest of the Mellew Four-Seasons Challenge, and once I do the Tyler Half next month I will be halfway there. This replaces Benbrook. I have no love lost for One Nice Hill at Benbrook and have no need/desire to run out there again.
Rocky Raccoon 50 miler. This should be my second 50-miler, assuming all goes well at Wild Hare in November. It is supposed to be a great course, so I am excited for it. Plus, I hear there will be a few frunners out there going for their first 50 milers!
Hot Chocolate Run. There is a jacket in the goodie bag. There is chocolate at the end. 'nuf said.
Cowtown. I WILL have a good race on this course. Distance TBD. Might need to just have fun on the half course depending on how much my legs hate me after Rocky. But I need the stupid medal for the stupid star (and by "stupid" I mean awesome!).
Grasslands. People said "Never again!" People said "Hell no, I won't go." I don't think I ever really said I wouldn't... Maybe just the half? I really like the horseshoes!!
Texas Independence Relay. They changed the dates on us. They changed the start on us. I had said I was out... stay tuned...
Hells Yeah Hills. Who knows what the area around Bastrop will look like after all the devastating fires there the last few weeks. But I want to go back. This was such a great experience. I wouldn't miss it for the world. NINE MILES!
Big D Half - This would be the last of the 4 Seasons. This was also one of my first half marathons back in the day, so I have a special place for it in my heart. Also, horseshoes!!
Oklahoma City Marathon. Like with Cowtown, I am determined to have a good showing at this race. It's a wonderful course (Gorilla Hill & that relay exchange at mile 8-9) notwithstanding, with great support and lots of local enthusiasm. But, me & my girls have some business to take care of at Mile 23.

So. there's what I would be planning on doing in 2012 if I were planning my 2012 calendar. Which I'm not. What's on your calendar?

New Mantra, in Action

2011-09-08T18:27:00.001-06:00

This came to me during my last run, inspired by a Facebook posting. It's simple, but it works.

Shut up.

Work hard.

Be patient.

All my test results from the endocrinologist came back normal. Good news: I"m perfectly healthy. For that, I truly am grateful, although it was hard to get back to that, because I was really hoping against hope that I'd have some kind of medical issue that would explain everything, and that could be fixed. But there's not. So... Bad News: There is no medical reason that would explain a 20 pound weight gain in 6 months.

I gnashed my teeth and yelled and cried and screamed over this quite a bit, some of it publicly in the Twitter timeline, some of it at home (my poor husband absorbed the brunt of the anger and frustration, and knows me well enough to accept that it wasn't directed at him, but that rather he was just standing THERE when I needed to blow up), and some of it to close friends, without whom I would be totally adrift right now. But, really, I am over it. Or rather, I am over being angry about it. I'm not going to just sit back and accept it and use it as an excuse. It's time to just deal with it, keep working to fix it, but in the meanwhile, shut up about it.

Is it harder to run at my current weight? Yes. Will I be slower than I was last summer? Yes. But there are a lot of things about my running, about my LIFE, that are different now than they were last summer. And, on balance, that is a good thing. So where I am is where I am and I can only get better from here. And even if I'm slower, I'm still going to do it. During the self-imposed break, all I could think about is when I would feel like running again. So I'm back at it now, and it's not easy, and it isn't always going to be fun, but I'm out there, and I enjoy it. Mostly. It's going to be hard work. And that's OK. I'm not afraid to work hard.

And I made some decisions, or rather, one big one. I'm going for the 50-miler at Wild Hare. It will be a quick ramp up, but I won't be happy with myself if I don't. I don't have anything to prove to anyone but myself. So I am going for it. I will run as far as I can, then I will walk, then I will sit for a bit, and then keep walking. Until I am either finished or they drag me kicking and screaming from the course. I think I can do it. And I'm going to prepare as best I can in the next 10.5 weeks. I need to not focus on my pace, except to stay ahead of the cutoffs. And I need to relax some and accept that it will take time to get back to where I want to be. I'll have to be patient.

So there. It felt amazing and right when that decision crystallized in my mind. And I've gotten nothing but support from my friends, from my frunners, when I shared it with them. So. Here we are. And there we go.

If you'll excuse me, I have a few miles to run.

And now for something completely different...

2011-09-01T17:30:00.000-06:00

Not running related, unless you count this photo, from The Onion, in which Johnny Damon is chugging around the basepaths. He is running here, after all.

So, if not running, then what? Well, my second favoritest sport, BASEBALL! Quite simply, I love baseball and baseball players. Swoon.

See, for as long as I can remember, I have loved baseball. I remember watching the Cardinals & Dodgers on Saturday morning baseball, after cartoons. I remember my parents going grocery shopping and my dad hurrying to get back before the game started. We used to have a semi-pro team back in the day, the Whitewings, and we would spend summer evenings at the park, watching baseball. I remember going to see my brother play Little League, and playing with him and his friends in the back alley (yes, i was 2 years younger, no they didn't take any pity on me), and then later, in junior high, falling deeply in love with nearly all of his teammates. Okay, not all of them, just a notable few that I can still remember quite vividly, seen through the eyes of a 15 year-old girl of course.

Growing up in South Texas, I was an NL fan, because the Astros were closer than the Rangers, and my first major league game was at the Astrodome. I watched every game of the '86 Series, and could once upon a time tell you the entire Mets' lineup from that year. My favorite movies (besides Legends of the Fall, because, um, wow, Brad Pitt. On a horse. rawr) are The Sandlot (you're killing me, Smalls), The Bad News Bears (was anyone ever as cool as Kelly Leak? I thought not), The Natural (the best there ever was), Bull Durham ("Yeah, I was in the show. I was in the show for 21 days once. The 21 greatest days of my life.") and of course, oh of course, Field of Dreams (if you need the quote from here, you can stop reading!!). Baseball brought me and my husband together, as he would wander the halls in our dorm and found me watching September baseball in my dorm room while everyone else was at the bar. And not only did I watch baseball and have an appreciation for the players, but I knew the rules and when something was an E or a hit. I knew rosters and pitching rotations and such.

My love of baseball and all things diamond-related really fueled our relationship early on. We would listen to Rangers' games in the parking lot because the car radio was the only one that could catch WBAP down in Austin. We could rarely agree on movies, but we always were up for watching the game, regardless of who was playing. We saw George Brett's last game before he retired, and we closed down the pit of a dump off the turnpike, Arlington Stadium. College baseball is a perennial favorite at our house - easy to do when you have the awesome history and tradition of Gusball and Augie Garrido at the helm. Even before we got married we shared season tickets at the new Ballpark in Arlington (he had by then converted me to a full-time AL girl and sigh, Rangers fan). For our wedding gift to each other, we chose a signed and framed print of the new ballpark and the players on the 1994 team, with bonus signatures of Juan Gonzales and Ivan Rodriguez. We had actually planned a Hall of Fame honeymoon, complete with stops at the new park in Baltimore, Fenway, Yankee Stadium and Cooperstown, but that didn't work out. We got married on August 13, 1994, the day after the strike cancelled the rest of the '94 season.

When life and work and kids intervened after that, we quit going to the games so much. It seemed like baseball post-strike wasn't quite as fun, and then you had the heavy 'roid years, where records fell left and right and players were called to court and the game seemed to lose its soul. Having year after year of futility in the Rangers didn't help either. Start off strong in April & May, hold steady in June, start to falter in July and totally fall to pieces in the heat of August. By September, baseball in North Texas was meaningless, unless you wanted to go to the park for dollar hot dog night or fan appreciation day and get random logo schtuff. We still have every program from every game we've ever been to, stuffed inside the footlocker that also stores our baseball cards (yes, our baseball cards. We spent a lot of time in college at card shows. Yes, I know. It is no wonder or question how we ended up together.). Oh, there were glimmers of the old fascination that would pop up now and again. Hints of the love I'd cultivated all my life. For instance, I watched a long-haired Johnny Damon and the Red Sox break the curse and win the World Series, under a full moon on my birthday in 2004 (coincidence? I THINK NOT!).

And then last summer. Oh, last summer. What a whirlwind of chaos and confusion and roller coaster emotions you were to me. But the Rangers, for once, didn't suck. They were actually pretty damn good. And despite my heartbreak, I started to care again. I always swore I wouldn't care about the game or the standings or anything like I used to. But how do you ignore the Claw & Antlers? How? You just can't. Especially not when they bring a freakin World Series to Arlington. So. The baseball love? I'm feeling it again. I am pretty sure I won't ever follow the game or the players as closely as I did back before we were married, back before we had kids and jobs and such. But it is fun to watch again. Mostly. It's always been fun for the eye candy, that is for sure. And this is where we find this post. Have to reward you for getting this far, right? So I give to you, in no particular order, my Top Favorite/Hottest/Most Intense/Awesome/Fun to Watch Baseball Players (heavy on mid-90s Rangers, well, because):

George Brett (1B) The last of the good guys, who played in the era where you were identified with a team and didn't jump from place to place. A franchise player if there ever was one. Known for the big chunk of chaw in his cheek (eeew) and the Pine Tar Incident. But still, one of the most fierce players out there.

Jose Canseco (DH, OF) Probably the most reviled man in baseball for his tell-all books about steroids. Admitted to using them. Still. Watching this man hit a ball was absolute f'ng magic. Just magic. Loved, loved, loved seeing him in a Rangers uniform and swatting the hell outta the left field stands!! I may or may not have a large (think poster-sized) framed photo of him in my office. Unless you come visit me you'll never know...

Jeff Huson (SS) Another Ranger. Always hustling. Never showy or particularly outstanding, except that he was there, every day, every game, looking like he was happy to play and loving the game. I have a Jeff Huson jersey from the Red Shoe Rangers. I love it!

Johnny Damon (CF) Jesus hair. Red Sox. What's not to love? Oh, the Yankees thing? I blame Scott Boras (I blame Scott Boras for a lot of stuff, actually). "Johnny Damon! You got the sweetest ass in the league!"

Keith Hernandez (1B) Mets. '86. What more do you need to know? The Second Spitter episodes of Seinfeld only sealed the deal in this department. Coke use? Smoking in the dugout? Whatever. As he says, "I'm Keith Hernandez!" Added bonus: He has what the American Mustache Institute (did you know there was such a thing?) calls the Top Sports Mustache Ever. Enough said.

Don Mattingly (1B) Donnie Baseball. Yankees. Team captain. Perennial all-star. Mustache to rival Hernandez.

CJ Wilson (P) Really? Look at the picture. Pitched in the only World Series the Rangers have ever played. Smart. Straight-edge. Drives fast, throws strikes. Read this. Swoon.

Joe Mauer (C) I've always liked him. Then I saw a Homecoming with Rick Reilly episode featuring him, and talking about his football prowess, and had him and his brothers playing baseball outside their old family home. He broke a window in the neighbors' garage and they all went running. Hilarious. He did go back and apologize. That episode pushed me to LOVE him!

Nolan Ryan (P) 5714 strikeouts. 324 wins. 7 no-hitters. 8-time Cy Young winner. Played for the Mets, Astros and the Rangers. How can I not love him? Also, him beating the stuffing out of Robin Ventura is possibly the greatest moment on the pitching mound in Arlington besides Kenny Rogers' perfect game in 1994.

Rafael Palmeiro (1B) Yes, I know. Freaking lying, perjuring piece of crap. But, damn. The sports mustache. The hits. The perfectly jet black hair & Keith Hernandez look. This entry may get me kicked out of my house because there may have been an incident in the mall in Austin in the late 80s after their winter caravan appearance in which said player refused my husband an autograph because, "I ain't got no pen, man." He had given me and my friends autographs and photo cards and chatted us up because the publicity on the caravan was awful and we only by chance ran into them but nobody else in the mall seemed to know who they were. So they packed up and went home early, and when Hub saw them on their way out, he was summarily (and according to Hubby, quite rudely) dismissed. So glad he doesn't hold a grudge or anything...

So there you go. My favorite Boys of Summer. And yes, I am fully aware that there is a plethora of both first-basemen and/or mustaches. Let's not dive too deep into that, mkay? thx... And if you'll excuse me now, CJ is pitching tonight against the Rays, which means Johnny Damon. Woot and Squee indeed!!

Thursday Thirteen - The Nearly (but not Quite) Ready Edition

2011-09-01T07:25:00.000-06:00

Some of these may have nothing to do with running. That's what happens when you're a runner and don't run much for a few weeks. Your life starts to fill with other stuff. I now get to figure out how to keep some of that stuff in there while I add the running and other training back in.

I continue to be amazed at the responses on this blog. I've tried to reach out to everyone to express my thanks, but if I've missed you, please know that your comments and feedback and warmth are heard and recognized and appreciated. Much, much, much appreciated!
I'm still up in the air about the distances on the races I've already signed up for in the fall. I will just have to see where I am when it comes time for them and make the choice that seems right for where I am physically and mentally. I do know I am still in for the double full on NY Eve and NY Day, but everything else is up for grabs.
I am nearly ready to come back to it. Nearly. I know I don't want to stop running, or cut back even, permanently. I just needed a break. Not physically, mentally. Saying it again: I am nearly ready to come back. Nearly.
When I do come back, I will not pay attention to pace. I will focus on getting the miles done, per the plan. I will not put pressure on myself. I will not put pressure on myself. I will not put pressure on myself. (Rinse and repeat until I believe it).
"Y'all go on ahead. I'll catch up." I need to practice this phrase until I can say and mean it without being angry at myself for not being able to keep up with my frunners.
Frunners, please hear it and heed it. I may never be able to keep up but please don't let me hold you back from your intended run. It's OK, I will catch up. Soon enough.
Seems like many of my frunners are hot & heavy making plans for 2012. I can't do that right now. I will have to take my chances on sell-outs or other plans interfering with possibilities. I just can't commit to anything past 1/1/12 right now. If I do, I will instantly contradict #4 up there. I can't do that or I'll be right back where I am again, and I can't do that. I can't go through this upheaval again, not anytime soon.
Hockey season is upon us again. Elder Child is playing both select/travel and high school Junior Varsity. He is the only junior on the JV team. It's going to be a challenging year as far as the JV team being competitive because they are a very young and inexperienced team. We're spinning it as a way for him to show leadership and maturity and demonstrate what good sportmanship, hard work and a strive for improvement looks like.
Hockey season tends to put a kink in my running plans, as we have to divide & conquer and my time is not always my own. I have to elevate the level of communication and coordination with everyone in the family to get my runs in. I also get to rediscover my favorite routes around all the ice rinks!!
The technician at the doctor's lab made my day earlier this week when she asked my height and weight. When I told her, she did a double-take, looked me up and down and said, "You look much smaller." Soon enough, lady, soon enough. The samples she had in her hand hold the key to figuring it out, I hope.
Follow up with the endocrinologist is tomorrow. I have every expectation that she will have answers for me. Answers that will lead us to create a plan that will work for me. I'm not sure what I will do if everything tests normal, though. I prefer not to jump off that bridge until I come to it.
That said, I have a history of expectations. High expectations. We may have gone over this in this blog on occasion... So, I'm trying to temper my expectations about tomorrow's visit somewhat while still remaining hopeful.
I've been listening to Foo Fighters on heavy repeat the last few weeks. Mostly this song, because it resonates with me. It's where I am right now. "I believe I've waited long enough...Where do I begin?"

Also? This video cracks me up. Falling Down is one of our favorite movies because I always jokingly say Hubs is going to crack up like this one day.

I ran today

2011-08-27T07:18:00.000-06:00

The pace matters not, nor the distance. My physical self matters not, either, my weight or my size or my shape. Because running, and everything that goes with it - pain, joy, dedication, reward, camaraderie - is not in my body. It's in my soul. And if you can't see that when you see me, meet me, know me, blow by me in a race, well, then, friends and neighbors, you are blind. My body is broken right now and my soul is bruised for a bit but that matters not. I am a runner.

Thursday Thirteen: The So..... Edition

2011-08-25T15:30:00.000-06:00

I know that Twitter and Blogger and Daily Mile are amazing sources of inspiration, support, and encouragement. But, the level of that in response to my last post? Just knocked me over. Truly. I may or may not have spent the last few days re-reading all those comments and repeating to myself that I can get through this, and I will get through this. I'm even starting to believe it.
By the same account, my friends, my frunners? Best freaking people on the planet. By far, no question, no doubt. My email, phone & Twitter DM just completely blew up with sincere thoughts and wishes. My close friends knew some of my struggles and frustrations, but maybe not the extent. And once they knew, they jumped to my side, virtually and literally, to reinforce that I am doing the right things, and that I can take as much time as needed to fix my head, and when I'm ready, they will be there, ready to welcome me back. That right there? Amazing. Gratifying. Makes me feel completely unworthy. But, worthy or not, I'll take it!
Sending mucho love and mojo to Drum and Ninja this weekend. They're doing their first 50 milers up at Lean Horse. As much as we kid about the Drum-Ninja showdown, these two do an awesome job preparing mentally and physically for every challenge they take on, and they push each other to be their best. They're fairly awesome. Also, much credit & kudos to Erin, who is keeping them in line and making sure Drum doesn't forget her shoes (again)!
I haven't done anything workout-related since the failed TM run on Saturday. And yet the sun keeps rising and setting, and the world keeps spinning. Imagine that.
I've thought about running. Briefly. But that's all it's been. Thoughts. And that's okay. For now.
Palo Duro Trail Race is off the calendar for sure. I know I said I wouldn't make any decisions until after Labor Day but I changed my mind. Or I lied. Changing my mind makes me seem like less of a bitch. In any case, when I do this race, I want to do the 50k and I won't be ready, so I am not doing it this year. I'm okay with that. Mostly.
There are a whole lot more things you have time for in your life when you're not spending 7-10 hours a week running or pretending to swim/flail or riding a bicycle. Like reading a book. Hanging out with your kids. Actually folding the laundry when the dryer dings. Stuff like that. Kinda cool (except the laundry part). Who knew?!
On that note, I have gotten 3/4 of the way through a new Stephen King book in less than a week. Typically I read about 2 pages each night in bed before passing out with the book on the floor. I feel so smart these days! (Okay, maybe not smart - not like I'm reading and understanding the theory of relativity or anything, it's just schlocky Uncle Stevie books. But GOOD schlocky Uncle Stevie!!)
I still need to learn to swim. I've thought about going to the pool just to kick around, practice the shark fin and slutty ankles like Sarah taught me out at the lake. But, I'm kinda taking this whole "rest" thing for serious this week. There is time.
I have tried very hard not to look at my training schedule, training logs, or Daily Mile this week, lest I start to feel the pressure of falling even further behind my mileage goals for the week/month/year. I will not say the degree of success I have had with that.
Except to say that Daily Mile is depressing, with that big zero in the corner. Not that I've logged in to look at it or anything...
It is getting light later in the morning and dark earlier. That surely must mean that these 100+ degree days will be coming to an end soon, right? RIGHT?! Please, please, please come to an end by Labor Day. Yeah, right...
Part of me thinks I'm ready to come back to my Come Back after just a few days away and even though I haven't gone back for the follow-up with the endocrinologist. That part of me was just smacked back into submission by the rest of me. I tend to get overexcited and rush into things - that may or may not have led me to the current state of affairs, I'm not admitting anything, just an observation - so I am going to take another few days of nothing. Just to see if I can.

Drum. Ninja. Adding to their beastliness this weekend. #TeamFirst50

Weighing on my Mind...

2011-08-22T13:35:00.002-06:00

Something is wrong with me.

I've known it for a long time, but I didn't do anything about it. Not really. Made half-hearted efforts here and there, but when I saw no results, I backed off. Because I was too busy to take care of it, and because it didn't keep me from doing what I wanted to do in life. Did it keep me from doing it well? Probably. But I wasn't ever going to win at this anyway, unless by winning you mean finishing, and I was finishing races just fine, left and right, all over town. So I didn't do anything to fix it. "It" of course, is my weight. I've struggled with it for pretty much my whole adult life. I was able to keep it in check and be relatively healthy if not ideal for the past 6 years, when I started serious distance running.

Oh, I tried. I went to see a nutritionist last summer, knowing that if I was going to perform at my best for the NYC Marathon that I needed to drop weight. And I was pleased with my results, as they were. In 3 1/2 months working with her, having every meal, snack and post-run recovery spelled out, while I was running upwards of 150 miles a month, I did see results. I could see muscles in my legs for the first time in forever. I felt stronger, and I got faster. And my weight? Showed a whopping 3 pounds lost. In 3 months. Yeah. Wheee. I know the scale is not the only measure, and my clothes were fitting better and I was able to fit into some things that I hadn't been able to button previously. So there were non-scale victories for sure.

But, they were small victories, and they were dearly paid for. I had to be so stringent and pay so much attention to what I ate and when. I measured and weighed EVERYTHING that went into my mouth. I missed ONE workout in 4 months. And at the end of all that, when you figured out the cost-benefit ratio, I had very few "results" to speak of. My stomach still pooched over the waistband of my jeans. I still couldn't button my favorite jacket, even though it fit right on the rest of my body. But I finished New York City, no thanks to my knee. And my finishers' pics show someone with a medal around her neck who is clearly a marathoner, but otherwise still didn't fit the image of an athlete.

Even at the fittest I've been in my adult life I was still categorized as "obese." Yay.

Day before NYCM. Jeans still too tight around tummy.

So I soldiered on, because that's what I do. I am willful and stubborn and what I can't do with natural talent or ability, I bulldoze through with sheer force of will and tenacity. And despite unexpected gall bladder surgery, I went on and did my first 2 trail 50ks and 3 other marathons (1 trail, 2 road marathons) in the next six months. I was in a constant cycle from January through May of race, recover, long run, taper, race... Rinse and repeat. All spring. During that time, I barely took a week off, and maintained long runs of 16-18 miles on the weekends I wasn't racing. I was having fun, for sure, but I wasn't training with the same intensity I did in the previous summer. I ate well, though, but again, I didn't watch what I ate with the same intensity as when I was working with the nutritionist. But I kept the principles in play, probably at about 85 percent. As much as I enjoy the greatness of Smashburger and sweet potato fries, I only allowed myself to indulge after a marathon. And over that time, five months or so, I put on about 10 pounds. It was imperceptible at first, more noticeable later on, as certain clothes didn't quite fit so comfortably. A lot of it was a result of the gall bladder surgery, but some of it was because I just wasnt' keeping up the intensity I had earlier in the summer. It wasn't affecting anything, though, really, except for my self-esteem as I posted things like this about my race pictures, and in the mornings when I had to dress in something other than running clothes, when I went through four changes of outfits before I found something I didn't hate. But it was wearing on me, for sure, and being an emotional eater, well that doesn't help. I ran through this scenario many times during this part of the year: "I can't lose weight. I'm so fat. It makes me sad. I'm sad. Oh, cookies - yummy! Eating crap makes me feel better. Sugar high wears off. Not really, too late. Hey, look, I gained MORE weight. F me."

I knew my hormones were a mess from the fibroids I'd been dealing with. So took care of that issue and had the hysterectomy, sacrificing the Minneapolis Marathon in the process. Between Oklahoma City and when I went in for surgery, I gained another 10 pounds. In 6 weeks. And as a bonus, I earned ANOTHER 6 weeks of lowered activity level during recovery. Yay! Just what my body needs - less calorie burn. No worries, I kept walking, hiking, started swimming, borrowed a bicycle, so I'm still active. I watched what I ate, logged it all in dailyplate, counted f'ng almonds for my mid-morning snack (13 almonds = good, 14 almonds = too many). And the net result at my 4-week post-surgery checkup? My weight was 2 pounds higher than pre-op. Yay! Well, no worries, right? As soon as I ramp up the training again, dial in the nutrition even tighter, and the hormones are handled now, well, hell, the weight will just melt off now, right? Um, no. Even jumping right back in with 20 miles in my first week back, 32 miles the second week, and 33 miles the following, plus adding swimming and cycling into the mix, my weight results were: EXACTLY THE F'NG SAME! Well, hey, maybe you've just gained muscle, right, muscle is smaller than fat, that's what's happened, right? Um, no. I took measurements and despite showing an initial promising loss of an inch in the first 2 days, at the end of the 2 weeks, my measurements are EXACTLY THE F'NG SAME. So, wait, I just busted my ass, working out 9+ hours a week, not counting the time needed to get to and from the pool, or the time to get the bicycle to and from the park paths, and I get a big zero change in body composition to show for it? Sweetness.

Compression tights = muffin top.

End of January, 2 months after gall-bladder surgery.

Mid-March. Rockin' chupa shirt barely fits.

Early April. Fit enough for 50k but fuel belt isn't doing me any favors.

Post OKC, pre-hysterectomy. We blamed it on the uterus.

4 weeks post-hysterectomy. Tutu can't hide much.

But it's not all about the measurements, right? There are other benefits, like increased speed, and this whole running thing gets easier the more you do it right? Or not... It could feel harder and tougher than ever before... And the tangible results, tested by an all-out puke threshold 5k race? Well, that shows that I'm a full minute per mile off my PR pace. Woot and squee! And the half? That was a freakin' death march, hard when we started and only got harder as we went on. And even though that was a 9 minute course PR, it is a full 40 minutes off my half PR from New Year's Day. So, while I can go on all day about this being the new me, and that we aren't comparing to my old self, and it's a new beginning, it's just talk. Unless I believe it. And right now, friends and neighbors, I don't believe it. I'm not buying into it, as much as I know that it's the right thing to do. As much as I know that all I'm doing when I compare myself to myself is beating myself up, I can't help it. It's frustrating and maddening and depressing. And it makes me worried for the races that I've already signed up for, and the commitments that I've already made for the rest of the year. And that pressure is building.

I had 18 miles scheduled on Saturday. Shouldn't have been a problem since I did the half last weekend. Yes, it's kind of a big jump in mileage, but overall, for the week, the mileage was within the 10% threshold for increasing mileage safely. So, no worries. Easy-peasy, right? No. I slept in late, a conscious decision because this was the first Saturday in a long time and for a long while that we had ZERO things to do. I had planned to do trails on Sunday so I knew Sunday was going to be an early wake-up and with school starting, 5:30 is the normal wake-up from now until May. So I was savoring and needing a break. And I took it. Then I spent the rest of the day putting off the run. Until late in the day when I went to the gym, all set for 18 miles on the treadmill. I figured I would set the pace per McMillan and just run. But I couldn't. It was all I could do to stay on that thing for 3 miles. I wanted to get off at 1.5. It wasn't that I couldn't do it. My legs were fine. My body was fine. My head? Not in the game. At all. My iPod flipped out on me in a big bad way, zooming through all my songs like the Chipmunks. So no music and no playlist. Well, hell, fine watch TV. Yeah, no, nothing good on the TVs at the gym on a Saturday night. Gah. Fine, I'll just run. But I couldn't do it. Mentally, I just could not go one step further than 3.00 miles. If I didn't think I'd freak out the four other people in the gym I would have let loose a primal scream right there. I waited until I got to the parking lot. I called in my support system, and realized I was putting too much pressure on myself. So I would just go to the trails the next day and have fun and rediscover the love. Nothing like some trail magic with great frunners to restore my love of the run. So I tried to shake it off, went to bed early, and got set for some trails the next morning.

Sunday alarm came at 4:30, so I got up, got dressed, fueled, loaded the car and drove 45 minutes to the lake. Right before the entrance to the lake, I was filled with an awful sense of "I don't wanna." I pulled into the neighborhood and cried in the car for five minutes. The thought of even hiking that morning was too much to bear, much less running. I knew that it would be a struggle to lift my feet like I need to on the trails, or I would fall early and often. The thought of seeing all my friends, who I normally am excited to talk to and laugh with and be motivated by, was just too much. I was not in the right headspace for a morning on the trails or a morning with frunners. And that's what freaked me out. I love my frunners. I thrive for my runs with frunners. I am so jealous that I don't live closer to them (even if they live nearly in Oklahoma...) when I see that they run hills and track together on early weekday mornings. I love hanging out with them pre-race, post-run, any time I can. I get my energy and enthusiasm from them, and I love to cheer them on and celebrate their victories. But on that morning, sitting in my car in the dark, seeing them was the last thing I felt like I could do. I felt I would be letting them down if I showed up in the mood I was in, with the current state of my psyche. So after five minutes, I texted 2 of them that I wouldn't be coming, and I turned the EBV around and headed home. Through tears I drove all the way, and thought about stopping at River Legacy and getting a loop in on my own, but dismissed that as even a more dismal prospect. In the end, I got home at 6:30, crawled back into bed and cried some more in my husband's arms. He reassured me that I am the only one who puts pressure on myself and let me sleep until it they left for hockey at 9 AM. I spent the rest of the day on the couch with the boy, working on photo books from vacation and catching up on iCarly and Good Luck Charlie on the DVR. I considered going for a ride later, but then when I went outside at 5 to go to the grocery store and almost instantly seared my brain with the heat, I decided that, no, I wasn't going to ride. Nope. And that was OK. I need a break.

When I can't even bring myself to run with these aweome guys? That's a problem.

I have been putting a lot of pressure on myself to fulfill these mileage goals and to meet this training plan that I put together to get ready for Wild Hare 50-miler. Who decides to do a 50-miler five months after major abdominal surgery? Um, me... Who has been under constant physical stress, with the rigors of training for an A race since last June? Me... who has been through not one, but TWO surgeries in the last 8 months? Me, who has also had a little bit of drama in my life for the past 18 months, with my husband's job loss/changes last summer, ramp-up for NYCM, surgery, losing my dad, worrying about my mom now, all kinds of stuff in that thing we call life. And I took on even more. Willingly. Of my own accord. Why? Why not. Because I was bored? Because 50ks aren't enough anymore? Or to prove something to someone? Who? Hell if I know. Probably myself. So where does that leave me? Stressed out and without the joy of running that has brought me so many new and wonderful experiences and so many truly caring and wonderful friends. What the what? As my little one was so fond of saying when something puzzled him, "that don't make no sense." So now what?

Well, for one, I went to an endocrinologist for an evaluation. She has ideas. Might be thyroid, might be insulin resistance, might be excess cortisol. Might be a combination of them. All I know is that I buried my father this summer because of complications from diabetes, and my mother had to go on injectable insulin this week. So do you think I'm feeling good about my genes and my predeliction for diabetes right now? Yeah. So we're going to let the doctor run tests (had huge vials of blood drawn this morning) and next Friday I go back and we start to figure out why despite all my efforts I can't lose weight. This is more encouraging already than the last few times I've gone to the doctor, different doctors, who have advised me to walk for 20 minutes 3 times a week (before or after my Wednesday morning 8-miler??), or stop drinking sodas (don't touch them, diet or regular) or quit waking up in the middle of the night and stuffing myself (yes, I swear to all that I love a doctor told me that with a straight face). For the first time in a long time, I am hopeful.

No, I'm not doing weight training right now, I know that. But, honestly, with as much as I have to lose right now, that shouldn't be the deal breaker. With the old standard calories in/calories out formula, I should drop weight by eating less than I burn. Well I eat 1400-1500 calories a day and actively burn anywhere between 400-1600 a day, not counting what I burn just by existing. So what is going on? I am tired of guessing and I'm tired of experimenting and I'm tired of busting my ass for no results. I'm tired of working so hard and not having anything to show for it. I'm tired of swimming upstream. I am worn out of hearing people talk about how they started running 3 miles a day and lost 15 pounds in a month. Yay for you. It doesn't work for me. It hasn't worked for me. But mostly, I'm tired of running and working to stave off the diseases that have taken my father and threaten my mother and feeling like it isn't doing any good. I'm not going to put my children through what I have gone through in the past four months. I'm NOT DOING THAT. So I'm going to let the doctor unravel this mystery. It will probably take time, so meanwhile, what does that do to my running, to my activity? What does that do to my goals and my race schedule?

For one, the open water tri I had on the books for September 11 is off. No way am I anywhere near ready to swim in open water yet. And trying to make myself ready in five weeks added a lot of stress to my life. I know it did. I can see that I have lots of room to improve the swim, and I will spend time on that this winter, but I'm not going to do that to myself right now. It's not safe to go into that undertrained. The pool swim tri on October 2 is still a possibility. Worse case scenario I hold on to the pool edge at the end of every lap and come out DFL of the water. No biggie. I've been there, done that. So it is still a possibility.

What about the races I had planned? The first one up was Palo Duro 50k. I've heard amazing things about this race. I really want to do this race. I had the entry form printed out and filled out and on an envelope on my desk but we ran out of checks. So I haven't sent it in yet. I may not. if I do, it will be for the 25k. Maybe I won't enter but will just tag along for the ride and the company and cheer all the folks that are doing it. That way I can run in folks if they need it at the end, or just hold down the fort and cheer while everyone is out running. I don't know yet. I won't know and I won't make up my mind about it until after Labor Day. Rocky Raccoon 50k is another one I am signed up for. I will go and I might run the 50k. I might downgrade to the 25k. I don't know. Again, I won't decide until after Labor Day. Until then, I will run if I feel like it, but won't force myself to keep to any schedule or pace or any other expectations.

What about the big one? Wild Hare? I don't know about that yet. I want to do a 50-miler. I do. Is it the right time? I'm not sure. Probably not, if I can't even bring myself to get out of the car at the lake right now... so, yeah, we will have to see. Worse case scenario I downgrade to the 50k here. How stupid is that? My "downgrade" goal is still a 50k. wow. Next on the agenda is the double full marathon on New Year's Eve and New Year's Day. Those are still totally on the table. That will be a weekend filled with frunners and awesome people and the goal for those is just to finish and support my RD friend and all the folks out there those days. Plus it's still 4 months away, so even if I wanted to start from a base of a 6 mile long run it is completely do-able. After that? Hard to say. January is a long way away.

Am I disappointed at having to adjust some of my race goals? Of course. Am I more upset at possibly missing out on the fun with my frunners? For sure. But, you know what? The most awesome thing about my frunners is that they love me and support me and back me up whether I run a 50-miler, a 50k or 50 yards. If I do nothing more than show up with my camera and a tutu they won't love me any less than if I run a thousand miles. That's the beauty of the community, of the FAMILY that I have built through running. I've seen it in my "bubble of love" at Cowtown, in the finish line picture at the Hottest Half where two amazing women crossed the line holding my hands on either side of me. I saw it with the texts and phone calls and messages from people this weekend. I can't miss out on this for long. So I will be back. Soon. I just need to fix my body, and fix my head, and take a break until I can come back and be happy with just the act of running, no matter what the clock says, or the distance. I need to rediscover the joy and really be able to embrace my new beginning instead of being resentful of my setbacks and jealous of my friends' successes and unhappy with myself. I need that. And for everyone who has been so supportive and so loving, I very much appreciate it. I feel my bubble expanding further with each setback, so while I am having a hard time right now, I know I will be back. Stronger than ever, happier than ever, and ready to spread my zest for running and for life even further.

Thank you for being patient with me. Thank you for being my support system. It means more than any of you will ever know.

Thursday 13: The Hotter than %$@%$ Hottest Half Edition

2011-08-18T08:03:00.001-06:00

I have been arguing with myself for the last 3 days about this race report. This was a tough race, not so much physically (although it was a beatdown on my body for sure) but mentally. I am starting over, and much like the 5k we ran the day before, this was going to give me a marker for exactly where I am right now. There has been a lot of emotion tied up in this for me - it's just hard to start over. And I knew this race was going to bring up a LOT of issues in my brain, much less in my body, which is why it was so crucial to me to have my friend Marci with me at my side. We were really glad to have Fiona along with us, too - I figured she would go on ahead since she is training so much stronger than I am right now (beastly, actually) - but it was awesome to have her optimism and cheerful attitude along for the whole ride, too. Kris and Mel were there to support me as well, but Kris is on a semi-hiatus from racing and Mel was gunning for a PR, so they were going to stick with the 10k.

We knew we were not going to "race" it per se, but rather make it a supported long run, and stick to our slower training paces, per McMillan. We knew we would have to slow down even further if it got too hot. We knew we were going to stop and take pictures and enjoy the day and our friends out there as much as we could. And we knew we were going to have breakfast afterward. Everything else? Just a means to an end, which was a few emotional dragons slayed along the course, with nifty hardware as a bonus.

My race reports are usually done in the Good, the Bad & the Ugly format, but honestly, so much of this race would have ended up in the Ugly category that I'm going to instead hijack this week's Thursday 13 and give you 13 Things I Don't Want to Forget about The Hottest Half!

Yay for early arrivals and prime parking spots! We got there right past 6ish on Sunday, which meant I got a great spot along the street right where the course came out under the overpass. Convenient to get to before & after the race and made me so happy to turn the corner and see my EBV and know that the end was in sight!
Bonus #2 for early arrivals - I got one of the cool coral-colored shirts instead of the standard red (and there were some blue, too). It's closer to orange than red, and it's way pretty. I am very happy with it and I'm sure I'll wear it a lot! Kinda bummed I forgot to go back and get an extra shirt as I could have since I'm a Mellew Incentives member, but by the time the race was over, I was ready to boogie from there (and never, ever, ever come back).
I never noticed how many stupid bridges there are on this course. Never mind that we've run loops at White Rock since forever, and I've run that section twice in the last month. All I could think of in the first three miles was "How many freaking bridges are there?!"
The Mike Moore Bridge is a freaking rubber band when a bajillion people are on it at the same time! Again, as much as we run this lake route (enough that we have nicknames of our own for all the places along the course: the Mockingbird Bridge is where we ran into Mike Moore on a training run last summer, Kris' Crying Tree is where she had a breakdown at Mile 16 of her first 18-miler, the Port-o-Potties near the bathhouse are where the BEST conversation ever on a run took place, etc., etc.), I never noticed the bouncing. But this time, oh, the bouncing! took a good quarter mile to get your legs back under you after getting off that thing. It was a little better on the back end because it wasn't so loaded with people by then.
Gummy bears in ice water? Genius! Ice down my shirt, front and back? Glorious! Having my NTX Runner peeps at Mile 11 to look forward to since about, oh, mile 7? Greatness. Thanks, Libby, Shannon & Greg (plus the girls!) for making the back stretch so cool!! By the time we got to them, the sun was pretty merciless and we were actively seeking out shade spots, so the ice to cool us down was just the ticket!
I love, love, love seeing all my frunners out on race morning!! Ran into too many people to name, but especially loved having pics with my Beer & Bagels crew Michelle K, Erik "DBS" K and Derek. I found the elusive Coco Washington, as well as the inimitable Brian B pre-race too, and of course, we had a mini-OKC reunion when we found Kris and Mel right before the gun went off. I love my frunners!!
Also, so wonderful to see the whole Barraza clan out to help Lupe support daddy Bal on his first half marathon!! WOOT!! Great performance on a very hard day. If you can run a half in August in Texas, you can pretty much do anything!!
Even better than seeing frunners pre-race is seeing them mid-course. Got to see Lesley and Elaine out on the run, looking strong and happy to be out in mid 90s and blazing sun. Freaks!!
Big deal last year was that the race organizers ran out of water. Very glad to report that was not a problem this year. We had our own fluids with us, but saved them in case we needed them later on if the situation repeated itself. But they had everything under control, with more than enough water, properly diluted powerade and even someone with a water hose spraying us down at mile 7ish. Really happy we didn't have that to fight through again this year. I had half a 20 oz bottle of water when I was done and a nearly full bottle of gatorade/water mix when we were done.
Despite drinking water and powerade at EVERY stop, taking e-caps 3-4 times during the race and not having an ill effects of the heat DURING the race, I have not felt that dehydrated after a race in a very long time. Took 2 tall glasses of water and three 32-oz bottles of diluted gatorade mix to get me feeling normal again Sunday night. I could tell it was a swelterfest when I took my shoes off at the car before breakfast and they were as wet as they had been after running through puddles on Saturday morning. eeeewwww.
Primal scream on the Mike Moore Bridge. Glad to report that it freaked some folks out behind me who had no idea what was going on. Marci just looked at them and very matter-of-factly said, "primal scream." Um, DUH!
I have the BEST friends ever. Marci literally held my hand when I hit a few tough spots between mile 9 and 12, and she told me what I know, but needed to hear again. She and Fiona let me get ahead when I was feeling good physically and needed to put on the jets and run out some of the emotions going through my psyche. They understood enough about what I was going through that they were right next to me when I needed them and gave me space when I needed that. Without us saying a word about it. They just knew. And we crossed the finish line hand in hand, with Mel joining us when she saw us coming down the stretch. And when the announcer said "welcome back" to us, he couldn't have chosen better words. I'm back. I'm not The Runner I Used To Be. And that's OK. Because while The Runner I Am Now has a lot of work to do, I'm not doing it alone, just like I didn't cross the finish line alone.
I crashed HARD when I got home, taking an unintentional 2-hour nap, and I may or may not have slept with my medal on. I'm going to enjoy this medal for a while. Because I'm not EVER doing this damn race again!

Pre-Race with NTX Runners & the WRL Girls

Lupe & Bal along with their friends joining us for pics.

I ever have to go to war, I want these two women by my side!

Coco Washington!! 'nuf said!

We apparently missed the coin toss?? what *is* going on here??

Gummy Bear goodness!! Thanks NTX Runers crew!!

Lesley & Elaine post-race!!

Done. And beyond blessed. Thank you Marci & Fi!

EDITED TO ADD: Oh, yeah, we finished, and our finish time was a lovely 2:50:17, a 12 minute PR over this course last year. And it will stand as my course record FOREVER!!

where you been?

2011-08-16T16:21:00.000-06:00

Yeah, I know. I've been a slacker blogger. It's been stupid-hot in Texas, y'all. And I had that whole recovery thing going on, and then somewhere in there, we took the boys on a weeklong vacation to Disney and Universal Studios. There wasn't a lot of running going on. There wasn't a lot of anything going on but this (but how much awesome is this?):

Rawr!

Boys always LOVED dinosaurs. Jurassic Park was greatness!

Harry Potter World was magical!

Seriously the Happiest Place on Earth. No lie.

If I just pull a little harder... ooof!

This picture pretty much sums up the whole trip!!

Toy Story green army man!

Buzz! Woody! Our last day at the parks.

Yes, it's expensive, cheesy & manufactured.
And they loved every second of it!

Gangsta Pooh!

So, yeah, there was that, taking up much of July after the greatness of El Scorcho. And then we got home, and there was laundry to do, and figuring out where Mom was going to be hanging out for a while, and getting back to work and real life. And in the middle of that, I had to figure out how to run again.

I had been gone from running only 6 weeks, really. And I had walked for all but one of those weeks, when I had a little bit of a scary setback and decided I maybe didn't need to hike 6 miles at Northshore 4 weeks after surgery, that perhaps that took too much liberty with the doctor's advice to "walk." But I had slacked a lot before the surgery, mostly because of that real life thing with my dad being sick and dying and all. And I have put on weight before and after the surgery, from the stress of everything and the hormones being off balance and not running 40-50 miles a week after 8 months of running 40-50 miles a week.

So when I started up again, it really was starting over. And there is a lot of stuff that goes on in your head when you begin something anew, when you start from square one. Those of you with injury issues, or post-pregnancy returns to working out, or extended sickness can relate. There is the point where your mind thinks you are, which is right where you left off, and then there is the point where you really are. The point that your body will very rudely remind you when you try for paces or levels that were the "before."

I found that out the hard way. I came back the week we returned from Orlando and very excitedly drove to Allen to run trails at Erwin Park with some great friends and some new folks from NTX Runners. I had never been there but had heard how it was nice and easy and mostly flat. I had 8 miles on my schedule that day and was ready for it. I thought. I was wrong. It was hard. I couldn't keep up. At all. Not only could I not keep up, but I was gassed and had a hard time regulating my breathing. And I was tired by mile 2. It was bad. I may have let out a primal scream (more like a primal grunt actually, because an actual scream would have taken too much energy) and freaked out a couple of the runners who didn't know me. And I was bummed, because I was really looking forward to it. And there was a great group of runners, who I really hope to see a lot more of in the weeks to come. But that day, even though I tried to hide it (OK, not really, I was a whiny little bitch for most of the run), I was crushed. It was a shame, too, because it is a nice trail. See:

Can't beat early mornings on the trails.

Great scenery out at Erwin Park.

Great little wooden walkway.

Monster hill! So MUCH FUN!

So that was hard mentally. But I knew I just had to get back to it. It wasn't going to get any easier if I just sat and whined about it. So that's what I've been doing. Trying to get back to it. But it's hard, harder than anything I've done. I don't have my blog archives from when I first started running, so I don't remember what it's like to work my ass off during a run and look at my watch and see an 11:45/mile pace.* I wish I did, so I could look back and know that this will pass and that I will see improvements eventually. I was questioning everything about my running, though, wondering if I was going too hard, or too easy. I was wondering if I should just run, or try to stick to a specific pace. I was agonizing over every run and thinking to myself that I needed to be faster, run harder, get longer legs, new shoes, something. There had to be a way that I could snap my fingers and get back to Who I Used To Be. This has been the mental battle going on in my head, with the Runner I Used To Be. And I had to do something about those battles, because guess what folks? When you fight with yourself like that? You lose.

So I drew a line in the sand. I decided that I needed a 5k race, so that I could run as hard as I could for that distance and see, really, where I am right now, today. Not in May of 2010, when I last raced a 5k and set a PR, not even in January of 2010, when I won my age group in a 5k. NOW. So that's what I did. I met my friend/mentor/savior/voice of reason Marci out at River Legacy and we ran the humidest, stickiest, nastiest 5k we could. She matched her 5k PR (WOOT WOOT!) and I set mine. It is slower than what the Runner I Used To Be could run. In fact, the Runner I Used To Be would have easily won my AG on Saturday. As it was, I was content for 3rd place in my AG, especially since it was a 10-year AG, too! Marci placed 3rd in her AG as well, so it was a good day. And I now have an accurate 5k time to plug into McMillan and get my training paces for all my runs this fall. The goal races are distance-based, not speed-based, so I need to get over the idea that I have to run a 10:00/mile and focus on getting the distance done. That is what is going to be important to me between now and November 19. Because The Runner That I Am Now has a date with 50 miles of trail.

This is not my Before. This is my Now.

*NOTE: Do not think for a MINUTE that I think there is anything "wrong" with an 11:45 or slower pace. There isn't a damn thing wrong with that pace. I know that it's hard to run at that pace, because when that's your pace, running doesn't come easy to you, and it takes more mental fortitude to keep going when you're that pace. I know that. And I respect everyone who runs, regardless of their pace. But it's not where I was. I could hit a 10k consistently with a 9:20 at this time last year. Keep that in mind. Please.

el Scorcho, in pictures

2011-08-03T10:23:00.000-06:00

yeah, i know. I've been a slacker blogger. It has something to do with recovery from surgery, then getting clearance to run then going on a weeklong adventure with the family to ThemePark Heaven (or Hell, depending on your view of the Disney machine and theme parks in general. We love them but can only tolerate them once every six years or so!!). I apologize. I'm running again ,and swimming and cross-training, so there will be more entries soon. Pinky promise. but....

Somewhere in there, I cheered and spectated and sprayed water all over the runners at El Scorcho. I promised pictures in my last entry, so despite big-time camera fail before the race even started (new camera didn't charge long enough before I took it out there), I do have pics to share. So here you go!

Pre-Race cheer squad. Tutus, glowsticks & glitter signs in the EBV.

Cassie & Ben-jammin assembling glow stick madness

Fiona wasn't running so she donned the tutu to cheer, along with the girls!

How many ultrarunners does it take to set up a tent?

ET Phone home!

Stacy arrives looking smashing & ready to run!

The two whitest girls you know!

Ninja I & Ninja II getting ready for combat.

Just how small can Dat fold his bib?

Cannot stand the cuteness!

Julie is so crazy she drove down just to cheer! YAY!

The Official Unofficial Soaker Station!

Libby and Julie!!

Sisters!!

Met twitter folks out before the race!

Tutu patrol!!

Pre-race with David (who ran his first 10k in September - WTG David!) Megan & Libby

With Arlington Strider Blanca & DM Frunner Lupe! Lupe did her first 50k!

Really? How cool is this? Twitter, DM & just general frunners! WOOT!

The excitement was too much to handle...

My original Twitter buddies Felix & Mark

With Michelle - she finished her first 25K! WOOT (and some of these pics are hers)

Toward the end of the night. What an awesome group of frunners!

I'm very much looking forward to this race next year, when I will run it instead of just cheer. Hopefully we will have as big a crowd again and have a great night of running, cheering and frunnership!!

Three Things Thursday: The Cheering at Midnight Edition

2011-07-14T16:25:00.001-06:00

Last year at this time, I ran this little race in Fort Worth called El Scorcho Quatro. Technically I guess I ran La Scorchita, since I only did 25k, instead of 50k. It was a big party in the park along the river, and it starts at midnight and runs until 6:30 or 7 AM, whenever the organizers get tired and decide to go home. I got into the groove of it by sporting a tutu for the first time and basically hanging out all night with a bunch of cool folks. it's a 3.1 mile lap so you see people all night long and folks set up tents and stuff all along the start/finish line areas. Remember these pics? Yeah, good times.

Tutu crew! First time to run with Libby, Mel, Greg & Dat. Not the last time!

The tutus in action!

So there will be no running for me at this race this year, since I knew that I would be having the surgery and wouldn't be recovered enough yet. Or rather that it would be cutting it close to my recovery time and that I probably had no reason to try to run 15 miles within a month of a major operation. So I didn't sign up, and let the limited entry race close so that there was no choice - I wasn't going to run. But that doesn't mean I don't get to party with all the crazies who ARE running it! So, without further delay, the Top Three Things I am looking forward to at El Scorcho Cinco!

FRIENDS! There are at least four other frunners* who for one reason or another (didn't register in time, injury, common sense) aren't running, so we have banded together to set up the most awesome of cheer stations. We will have food, cold drinks, yoga mats and blankets for the ground, and GLITTER SIGNS! WOOT! So for all the other friends who are tackling either the 25k or the 50k - way too many to list - we will be yelling, clapping, harassing and otherwise hazing them all night long. Until they get done and come hang out with us. Tutus are optional but highly, highly encouraged!!
The Official Un-official Soaker Station. Last year was hot. No doubt about it. Even with the sun not blasting down on us, there is no way that summer in Texas in July is going to be cool. One of the best things about the race was the aid station halfway through the loop that was giving out cold wet paper towels. Those things were greatness. So we have decided to take it up a notch and cheer armed with SuperSoakers, to douse those runners who request it with a blast of cold water. Refreshing, yes. Stupid fun? Absolutely!
The Drum-Ninja showdown. For a while, Greg and Michelle have been in a friendly competition with all the races they have entered and run together, including Cowtown Half, Grasslands, and the Chattanooga Stage Race. So for El Scorcho, we're raising the stakes. There's been trash talk. There's been secret training runs. There's going to be a showdown!! WOOT!

So, yeah, if you're running, come on out and make sure you introduce yourself to us. We'll reward you with a blast from the super soaker (or a gentle mist from the sprayer if that's more your speed) and probably give you a cookie (as if I would set up a cheer station without cookies!!). When you're done, bring your camp chair and towel and hang out with us. We plan to be there for the duration. And if you aren't running, find a cowbell or clapper or vuvuzuela or something and come out to cheer with us. I guarantee it'll be the best time you ever had at a race you're not running.

Oh, and, in case, you're wondering, YES, there WILL be pictures!

*frunner –noun

Someone who I met through running but through time and shared experiences has become more than just a runner I know. More than just a friend. As my friend Marci says, running brought us together, but it's not why we're friends.

How Am I Doing? How You Doing?

2011-07-07T19:20:00.000-06:00

Time for a mid-year check in, now that the 4th of July festivities are behind us. I've kind of had a roller coaster run here in the last month or so, and my goals have definitely been impacted by that. So, let's take a run down the scorecard and see where we are and what we have left to do in the last 5 months and 3 weeks of this year...

Get the body healthy, keep the body healthy - hmm, well, Operation Girl Parts Be Gone was definitely part of getting the body healthy, and the corollary benefit is that the mandated break from running has helped all my twinges and tweaks in the legs heal and rest. So, I guess this is a good thing. Plus, the recovery has gone pretty well, which I can very honestly attribute to being in pretty good shape to begin with. So, for this goal, I give myself a mid year grade of B.
Run a Sub-5:00 Marathon - Not yet. Oklahoma City didn't turn out the way we expected it. And that is fine. I made my choices and I am content with them. It was the right thing to do. So that means I need to run another marathon and shoot for that sub-5:00 Which will it be? Tyler in October? White Rock? Don't know yet. Probably White Rock. But if it doesn't happen, well, that means I keep to keep trying, right? Mid year grade: Incomplete.
Run 3 or more 50K Trail Races - Bandera is done. Hells Yeah Hills is done. Palo Duro Canyon and Rocky Raccoon are on the schedule. Yeah, baby!! Mid year grade: B+
Complete a 50-Mile Race (November) - On the schedule. Training plan drafted, including lots of cross training, swimming, cycling and many, many miles. Double-long runs on weekends, on trails and roads. Will be signing up as soon as we get done with family trip in Florida. It's on, baby. Mid year grade: Incomplete
Become A Marathon Maniac - Didn't complete silver level like I'd wanted, as I made the decision not to travel to Minnesota for the June race on the schedule. In retrospect, that was the best decision I could have made, as there was a lot yet to come in June that I'm not sure I would have been able to handle if I had run that last race. So, I did meet the goal of making Maniac. And there is plenty of time to level up. So, I give myself a mid-year grade of A-.
Complete 100 Pushup Challenge - Um... Incomplete... shut up.
Complete 200 Situp Challenge - See above... shut it already!!
Run 1600 miles this year - Well, hell. At the end of June, I was at 642 miles for the year. That's about 150 short of halfway point, of what I need to reach this goal. The training plan for the Wild Hare 50 miler runs through mid-November and has 876 miles on it. So if I hit every single run on it, I get a total of 1518, with December still to go. So, this is still feasible. Considering I was out of commission for most of June because of family stuff and the surgery, I think I will be happy if I hit 1500 total. So, I think even though I am behind pace for now, I will give myself a B.

Complete two sprint triathlons this summer (August & September) - Still on the plan, but have been moved to September and early October. I have started looking at bicycles, and swim training starts as soon as we get back from the Mouse in late July. OMG... Grade: TBD...

So, there you go. Two more weeks of restricted activity and then The Comeback begins. And oh what a comeback it will be!! WOOT!!

Thursday 13: The Girl Parts Removal Edition

2011-06-23T09:48:00.001-06:00

so... in the interest of having all the life-changing drama I could pack into one week, I underwent Operation Girl Parts Be Gone on Tuesday. Because it wasn't stressful enough to lose my Dad, go through all the family drama & emotion of a funeral & scattering of ashes AND come back home with Mom in tow... I had to add to the fun by having somewhat major surgery. Well, go big or go home, right? Isn't that the motto around here anyway?
The surgery to remove my uterus & Fallopian tubes went really well, and was done laparascopically, so there are minimal external incisions, and those that I have are sealed with superglue or somesuch. Pretty groovy. Much easier to recover from than big scars, and hey, I'll get back in a bikini in no time!! (HA!! yeah, not...).
Apparently, they removed several pedunculated fibroids the size of golf balls along with my uterus and the numerous internal fibroids within. The doctor said they weren't able to get a good photo of all that mess before they started cutting and I didn't think to ask her to take a photo afterward like Runner Susan (careful, that link is awesomely gory!! don't say I didn't warn you!). Oh well, I guess I'm just happy all that mess is gone.
They let me keep my ovaries, which supposedly saves me the hassle of being thrown into immediate menopause by keeping my hormones stable. So I'm still subject to hormonal swings, like the ones that resulted in me chopping off 6 inches of my hair 2 weeks ago. Um, yay?
For what it's worth, don't let a woman with known hormonal issues, a boatload of stress, and an inability to french-braid her own hair keep a salon appointment in the middle of a Texas June without supervision. Just don't...
I walked down the hallway yesterday before they released me and logged it on DailyMile. Because that's how I roll.
I walked a mile around my neighborhood last night when I got home. The weather was 90 degrees at 7 PM, which for us in June, after the spell we've been through is stupid cool. Arctic, nearly. So I couldn't stay inside and not enjoy it. I took my mom & aunt along too. I would have done 2 miles but they got tired. Rookies.
I did not get my prescription for painkillers filled before the surgery. I lied to the hospital nurse and the doctor when they asked if I had. I don't like the way those make me feel - sluggish and loopy-headed. I have enough loopy-headedness without pharmaceutical assistance, thank you very much. I've taken a couple of ibuprofen here and there since I got released. That's it. That's all. And that's not me being superwoman or anything. It just doesn't hurt. I really don't hurt. Compared to feeling like my guts were being ripped out for 2 weeks a month for the last, oh, 27 years, recovering from this is cake.
Speaking of cake... mmmm, cake... yeah, i don't get to have cake for a while. Since my running volume is down significantly while I recover and am limited to walking only for a month, I am cleaning up the intake significantly. I hate to use the word "diet" so I won't here, but I am closely monitoring what goes into my body, knowing that I won't be able to burn it off as readily as I could when I could pound out a half-marathon's worth of mileage on a Saturday morning. Wheee.
I hate having to restrict calories, but this is a chance to reset my metabolism. My body has gotten used to hammering out the miles I demanded from it and the food intake I was giving it. So now we get to hit the reset button. I'm not cutting out any particular food groups but am focusing on more protein and fewer carbs for this recovery period. We'll see how it goes. Will still be taking in lots of fresh fruits and vegetables though so I will get carbs, just adjusting the ratios since I'm not doing high mileage.
I have recovery walking built into the plan for the 50-miler in November, which has already started. Just because I have to walk doesn't mean I can't put in miles. But it will definitely be a gradual build-up back to running a half distance easily like I've been used to. And even more to pounding out the back-to-back long runs that will be the staple of the Wild Hare training plan come September and October. wheeee!
For now, I just want to be able to keep off the major painkillers and work up to walking around Disney comfortably when we go in mid-July. Those are going to be long days - the boys are older than they were last time we went five years ago, and they are going to be in charge of more of the agenda this time, which means they will want to move faster and see more sights. Help!!
I have the most amazing friends. They know who they are. The phone calls, text messages, emails, chats have all been so wonderful and I'm pretty sure I couldn't have made it through the last three weeks without them. Or the next three months. Stay by the phone, I'll be calling soon, I'm sure!

Yes, I look 4 months pregnant in this picture. Thank you golf-ball-sized fibroids for that.
All gone now! Woot & Squee!!

Oh, and the hair is REALLY that short. Really. Looks much better before 9 sweaty miles. Trust me.

Goodbye

2011-06-18T06:36:00.001-06:00

I went running today. I have far more important things to attend to, later, but I went running this morning anyway. I needed to. It's what I do. It's who I am.

I saw a beautiful south Texas sunrise. I saw a lone cardinal in a bare tree branch. And I said "goodbye."

David Fuentes, Sr

August 11, 1937 - June 15, 2011

With Alessandro

With Benjamin

Friday Five:The Lost at Sea Edition

2011-06-10T15:45:00.001-06:00

I didn't think I would feel so adrift without a training plan. But I do, even though I know that I am tired mentally and physically and that my body is craving rest. I know that when I come back from the surgery that I will have a tough schedule and will need to super-step-up to the miles and the cross-training and the swimming (OMG, the swimming! eeep!) and oh, yeah, the bicycle thing. Maybe I could find a bicycle soon. And I know I've needed this break, because I go to bed by ten, fall asleep nearly immediately and at 6:45 I am still struggling to get out of bed, I'm that tired. I'm jealous of all the Twitterati that post their 5:00 AM runs, and their early-morning rides and I want to be doing that. But I don't have a purpose for it now. So I don't do it. I stay in bed until the last moment possible before I have to start my day, trying not to feel guilty for resting. It's not working. But at the same time, I don't have the motivation or the desire to go out and run right now either. So. yeah...
Meanwhile, to fill time I am hanging out as much as they will tolerate with the boys. I've gone on scout cleanups, watched hockey games, gone to the movies (Pirates 4 - meh, Kung Fu Panda 2 - has its moments, Hangover 2 & Bridesmaids - AWESOME - those were dates, btw, we did NOT take the boys!) and just parked on the couch watching them play wii golf. It's kind of nice, these moments that usually happen when I'm out running. I think they're kind of getting over me being around, though. Hub has even asked me a couple of times when I'm going to go run again. It unnerves them that I'm not running almost as it unnerves me.
I"m trying really hard to control my eating now that my physical activity has slowed way down, and having moderate levels of success (or immoderate levels of failure, I guess, if you want to look at it that way... I choose to be positive) with that. My biggest challenge has been making it through mid-morning without wanting second breakfast instead of a snack, so I've reverted to the tried & true Kashi-greek yogurt-blueberries combo that fueled much of last summer. It's tasty and filling. I'd go with oatmeal too, but it's so dang hot that isn't appealing to me right now.
Thanks to everyone for your feedback on the final OKC race report. I realized after I published it that I severely underplayed the importance of our cheerleader Megan in the whole weekend. She not only kept us knot-free with the foam rolling before the race, but she really was there for us all and having her around in the final miles was really important for me and Fiona. I needed to make that clear, because although she didn't run the race with us, she and Bojana were both very much a part of the team that weekend. Thanks, mama!!
Even though I'm not following a formal plan with any prescribed miles right now, I am thrilled that I am still in good enough running form to hit the road, trail or lake on any given weekend and run with friends. I did that last weekend to help Libby celebrate her birthday in true runner style, and this weekend, the WRL Girls are having a mini-reunion with a nice loop plus some. We're starting at a ridiculously early time, but that must means more time for pancakes after! WOOT!

Trash pick-up at River Legacy w Cub Scouts

Super cheerleader Megan rocking it out!! 's okay, nobody's watching...

Running It Out, Birthday style with Libby!!

Lucky #13. The Finale

2011-06-08T15:04:00.002-06:00

I think this is the longest I’ve gone between running a race and writing my race report. Now y’all have it all built up in your heads that this going to be some incredible work of literature or some amazing story, and while I hope you enjoy the read, I’m sad to say that’s not why it’s taken so long to finish.

I mentioned before the race that I was distracted some, and that is still true. My father went into the hospital with acute kidney failure three days before the race, after being in so much pain that my mother had to call the ambulance in the middle of the night. This is after 2 earlier falls in which she needed help to get him up off the floor. He is not in good health, hasn’t been in a long while. The story here is complicated, as complicated as the dynamics of my relationship with him. I ended up driving 8 hours to my parents to visit and help take care of things with him after the race, and it continues to weigh on my mind as he was moved to an assisted living facility when released from the hospital, where he remains, out of immediate danger but still not well. He has refused dialysis, rehabilitative therapy, and has specified he wants no heroic measures if the situation worsens, so his care is pretty much palliative at this point. There is a lot going on there still, and a lot to process. It has definitely contributed to my post-race funk this time around, as well as having the more relevant impact to you, the reader, as I haven’t had two seconds to rub together where I’m not emotionally exhausted and am anywhere near the mindset needed to write this report.

But I want to write out the report. I need to write out this report. Because this race, like the 12 that came before, has a story to it, with many characters and plots and twists and turns. And I want to remember them, years from now. I want to share the determination of my girls with you. I want you to understand why we even started that race and what it took for us to keep going, and I need you to know about that day. Because we had said that we were going to run our own races that day, and a couple of us were able to do that. Kris and Mel ran their own races, and they rocked that course, and their training paid off big-time. Bojana had a ridiculous half-marathon time, especially since she had been laid up with a pulled muscle for weeks before the race and was just using it as a training run.

For me and Fiona and Marci, though, we did not run the races that we had envisioned. And I blatantly disregarded our decision to run my own race, to see my girls at the finish and meet up with them at the end. Did I throw away my chance for sub-five when I made that decision? Hard to say. I was on pace then, but I don’t know if I would have been able to hold it. We will never know. I tend to think not, just because of how things shook out between mile 22 and the end. But it doesn’t matter. And I’m getting ahead of myself.

There is so much to say about Oklahoma City and that race weekend, and the adventures, trials, victories and disappointments of this day. We had a little bit of everything, that is for sure. The race is billed as "A Race to Remember" as the intent is to honor the victims of the Murrah Federal Building bombing in 1995, but also to celebrate life. In fact, the back of the medal (a top three favorite, by the way) says "Honor, Celebrate, Reach, Unite." Little did we know when we left Fort Worth-Dallas and headed north of the Red River that we would truly do all four of those.

Now, where were we? Oh, yeah, it's raining. And the gun goes off. I have the presence of mind to hit the start button the Garmin (Kris' watch, not mine, she was worried she would be obsessing over the splits, so she gave it to me to wear, assuming we would stick together for as long as possible) and note that we were about 4 minutes off the start when we crossed the mat.

I am running with Kris and Fiona, but Marci and Mel both take off through the crowd. We wouldn't see Mel again until we got back to the hotel room. Her training plan was so solid and she hit all her paces throughout so we were not surprised by her awesome performance that day. (Go here to read about it. We'll wait. Not like you haven’t already waited 5 weeks on this report…) So in the first few miles, we're trying to warm up in our plastic bags, and trying to find a good solid pace in the throngs of people as we turn through downtown and head north onto the first few miles. As we ran through, I vividly remembered all the turns from last year and thought that my knowledge of the course would serve us well - that proved to be the case for sure in later miles. Although it was early on when we passed under the first overpass (I think it was the only one), we did a primal scream; at this stage of the race it was more for fun than to get any true rage or frustration out. The first big bridge was fun, a little challenging, but we were starting to get into a groove and find our comfortable pace, that we hoped would stay with us for the next five hours. The rain had not let up, but it wasn’t terribly heavy at this point, and the temps were cool but nothing awful. I warmed enough after the first 5k or so to take off my bag and tuck it into my waistband, in case I needed it later.round that point, we found Marci again, and Fiona and Kris pulled out in front of us a bit. I could still see them, but they were definitely a few seconds faster than we were per mile right now. And that was OK. Remember, we’re running our own races now. As we moved into the first 10K and started to hit Gorilla Hill, Marci and I are feeling good, and joking with some guys around us about bacon. I heard “MAMA C!” from behind me and here comes Felix, one of our Dallas friends, catching up to us and passing us, looking strong. We are waving at the crowds, smiling for the cameras, generally just grooving along. We even felt good enough to dump our trash bags and poncho (Note to self: DO NOT TAKE OFF THE PONCHO. NEVER TAKE OFF THE DAMN PONCHO…). Right about here, though, is also where the first sign of trouble hit us. Marci pulled off behind me and stood at the side of the road, gagging for a bit. Her stomach was a bit upset so we tried to be really cognizant of making sure she had fluids & electrolytes and fuel.

We’re still hitting our target paces, though, so once she shook that feeling, we kept on. At this point, the rain has picked up. It is starting to come down heavier, and the puddles that most runners had tried to avoid became impossible to move around, and our shoes were well soaked by then, so it made no sense to do anything but run straight through them. This was beginning to not be fun, though, not like a quick rain shower on a hot day, but a real snuggle-under-blankets-don’t-go-outside storm. The puddles were now streams across the street, ankle deep in some places, and the rain was not letting up. Then on the long gradual uphill into the second relay exchange, we saw the lightning. It was right in front of us, which meant it was still well east of the lake and we would be turning away from it soon, but still, it was very close. At that point, we started wondering how in the world do you pull 25,000 runners off the streets? How do you close a marathon now? But we figured we would keep running until they told us to stop. So we did.

That long stretch had a couple of small rollers on it, which coupled with the rain really played havoc with us mentally. Here is one spot where my knowledge of the course paid off, because I was able to say that we were going to turn toward the lake soon, and as soon as we got to the lake, the wind would be at our back and we would be at the halfway point and just had to run it home. But I think the damage had been done by then. We had passed Fiona back at mile 10; she had already had to make a pit stop for her stomach but I knew that she had faced those issues before and could battle through them. But Marci was not having a good day; hard to say if it was nutrition or the cold or the rain or what, but she was having a hard time breathing regularly. By mile 11, she was very much questioning her ability to finish this race at her intended pace. But we kept moving, despite the wind, which was picking up by then, and the rain, which had not subsided, and the temps, which felt like they were steadily dropping.

Right before mile 13, we got the tiniest respite from the rain, as for about half a mile, the sun came out!! We were like all the kids in that Ray Bradbury story, laughing and smiling and marveling at that big yellow ball in the sky!! Yay!! Well, yeah, that didn’t last long. By the time we got to the actual lake, it had started again, but we got an extra dose of sunshine when we saw Kris motoring along ahead of us at the little dogleg out and back at the east end of the lake. Along that stretch, before we saw Kris, Marci was having a hard time breathing again. She was in full-out panic attack mode by now and was heaving and gasping for air. She looked at me and told me that I needed to go on ahead. She said I could still get sub-five, but I needed to leave her to do it. In a split second, my mind flashed back to the last six miles of Cowtown, and the bubble of love that I was surrounded by for that hard, hard stretch. And I knew in that second that I wasn’t going to leave her. I just couldn’t do it. She was struggling and she was doubting herself, but I knew that if I stuck with her and talked her down from the Bad Place in her head that she could finish this race. We might not make sub-five. But you know what? I hadn’t made sub-five in any of my previous races and it doesn’t matter. It just doesn’t matter. The people who love you don’t care what your marathon PR is. The only person you disappoint if you don’t hit your goal is the person that lives inside your own head.

Along the lake. It was cold and miserable.

And just like that, I made up my mind. We had said we would run our own race. And I said “Eff that.” In that moment, my race was not about sub-five. My race was about making sure Marci didn’t have to run alone. I have never felt alone on any of my runs since I met this amazing group of runners, and I damn sure wasn’t going to leave her out there on her own, physically alone, during one of the worst race-day conditions either of us had ever seen. I was going to help her finish the damn race.

About a mile later, she stopped running. Dead in her tracks. Just stopped. And I looked at her and she kind of swooned. She wasn’t breathing properly because she was in full-blown panic attack. Several people stopped and asked if we needed gels or medical aid. She waved them off, and I got her to take deep breaths and stop the hyperventilating. Then she walked for a bit, and after a few seconds, she took off. The thing is, during the sections where she was running, I could barely keep up with her. It took all I had to maintain a pace to keep within a few feet of her. But then, she would slow down and walk and I could tell her breathing was off and she was in panic mode again. So I would grab her arm and talk her down and get her to imitate my breathing pattern, deep in, hold, deep out, rinse, repeat. Then she’d feel better and take off again. We repeated this pattern time and again all through the park, and I told her there was medical up ahead at 16, and when we got there I needed her to let them check her out. Check her pulse, check her heart rate, something. I wanted to know that she was ok physically to keep going. That mile through the park was the longest ever until we got to the aid station. But when we got there, she said she just needed a bathroom and some gel. So we kept moving. But by then, we had found Fiona, so we became a threesome. Fiona’s stomach was doing a big-time number on her, so she was glad for the company.

After stopping for a bit at the Mile 16 aid station, the rain picked up again. This may have been where we first got hit with the hail, too. I know the rain was torrential as we headed up over the bridge past the park. The next three miles were a slog fest. I don’t remember much at all except that the same pattern kept repeating itself, where Marci would run strong, then falter, Fiona and I would talk her down and get her breathing deeply again, and then she would take off again. She was relentless. The plan had been for Megan and Bojana to meet us somewhere about mile 17. So as we went through the park, I kept telling Marci, “Just a little bit more and we’ll see the girls. Just a little more.” By this time, she was visibly cold and shaking from the wind and rain that had kept pounding us since that little respite. We had bought Megan a jacket the day before and I kept promising her that as soon as we saw them we would take her jacket from her and she could wear it and warm up. But we couldn’t find them. Mile after mile went by and I kept scanning the crowd for them but couldn’t find them. After a couple of more swoons, Fiona and I decided that we had to warm her up somehow. She was shivering by now and the rain was coming down harder and harder. Fiona had kept her jacket on the whole time and was going to share it with her. Thankfully right at that point, we saw a clear garbage bag hanging over a pylon on the course. I told Fiona to grab it, and this is where Marci’s state of mind was made painfully clear to us, and when I knew we were in trouble. She looked right at us and said, “I don’t want that. It’s wet.” Um, dear, we are ALL wet. So to placate her, I told her Fiona was going to wear it and she could wear Fiona’s jacket. She didn’t want to do that, but she had no choice. We had to keep her warm.

I know we saw and heard lightning & thunder again as we turned on Claussen, because I remember thinking, “Oh, hell, no! You are NOT pulling us off this course now, bastards!! NOT NOW!” We had come too far to stop now. Soon after we gave Marci the jacket, she took off again, and I had a hard time keeping her in my sights. Up until this point, I had been more worried about keeping her moving and warm, and was not really paying attention to my own body. Yes, I had been fueling and taking electrolytes and fluids, but I had ignored my legs and my ankle. For some reason, my knees were fine during this race, but my right ankle started to tweak about mile 21. During one of Marci’s walking spells, I pulled Fiona aside and told her I needed her to stay close to Marci, because I wasn’t sure that I could. I told her my ankle hurt and I was going to have to back off. At that point I saw them both take off in front of me. I kept them close, about 500 feet or so, for a while, but soon I resigned myself that I was going to have to walk it in. And I knew I would get cold walking, so I started to look for something to keep me warm. There were tons of discarded garbage bags on the side of the street, where some of the speedier folks had been during the break in the weather, so I grabbed one and tied it around my shoulders. That was all I needed to keep some warmth in while I was walking. I wasn’t exactly having fun at that point, because I was worried about Marci, but not too worried because she was still in front of me then, so I was confident she would be OK.

Somewhere along Claussen. Not exactly miserable but making the most of it.

Around mile 22 I stopped to at the aid station to get some ibuprofen and biofreeze – those quick remedies really helped me through the last 5k for sure. A few steps later, I saw Fiona and Marci in front of me, so I tried to speed up to catch them.

By the time I got there, Marci was in tears and all she did was turn around and look at me and tell me she was sorry. Bojana was in the back of a medical van, trying to get her to climb in. Fiona and Megan were trying to get her to go, but she didn’t want to. I told her to get in the van, that she had nothing to apologize for. Apparently, she had swooned again, right in front of the medical tent. Fiona caught her but the medical staff pulled her. She was hypothermic and pretty much out of it. Even then, she did not want to stop. It was heartbreaking for all of us. She wanted it so badly. We wanted it for her so much. Even at the pace we were going by then, she would have still had a PR. Yes, I realize it’s stupid to talk about PRs and finishing when really she was in physical danger. But you have to understand that the determination and guts and sheer WILL that she demonstrated in keeping going for 12 miles after she thought was done is just incredible to me. I don’t think people who aren’t runners can grasp that. Actually I know people who aren’t runners can’t grasp it, because I had dinner with friends a few weeks later. And they didn’t get it when I told the story. They didn’t understand why we even started the race when it was still storming. They didn’t know how I could keep her going when in retrospect, to a neutral party, it probably made sense to have stopped her the first time she swooned at 14. They don’t get it.

But after they took her to warm her up and check her out, I knew that we had to finish for her. Fiona and I stuck together from there to the finish. Megan came along and updated us on Mel and Bojana and what had happened earlier. It was a jog sometimes, a walk mostly, and again, things are blurred here. I do remember we got hit with the hail again, right around mile 25 or so. It was kind of humorous by then, except for not really. It was just cold. And we just wanted to get done already. Soon enough, we hit the turn into downtown and we could see the finish. Fiona wanted to run in, but I didn’t want to start the sprint and then sputter halfway down the chute, so we waited a little longer. I did have the presence of mind to strip off my trash bag, so at least my finisher photos show me in our great shirts instead of a hefty bag.

Yes, it was raining that hard. The whole freakin' way...

Me with Fiona. She ran a hard race too, with never a complaint. Rock star.

It's not a finish line pic if I'm not hookin' horns!

There was no time to celebrate, to enjoy the accomplishment. Fiona cut a good 30 minutes off her time (I think more, I can’t remember) and I had finished #13. We snapped a few photos in front of the finisher backdrop, grabbed our medals, shirts and Carl’s Jr burgers and started back to the hotel to try to find the rest of the crew and get an update on Marci. That was by far the coldest walk ever. Now that the adrenaline had worn off (and the garbage bag was gone), I was starting to get cold again. We got to the hotel, then realized none of us had a key. We banged on the door and Kris finally opened it up. She had finished in 5:07, slogged back to the hotel and demanded a key, so she was showered and somewhat warmed up by then. Mel arrived a couple of minutes later and tried to warm up after wandering around the finishers’ area after SMASHING her Chicago PR. I changed out of my wet clothes and jumped into the bed under the covers, shivering and shaking and feeling very much like I did after NYCM. But I was OK, I just knew I had to get warm. Once we finally all got showered and changed and got an update from Bojana on Marci, it was time to head back to FW-D.

We couldn’t let the weekend end quite yet, though, so we did one last gathering (minus Fiona, who had to go retrieve the girls from her family) at IHOP to debrief and share war stories and just be together a little longer. I think we all needed that, we all needed to come down off that experience.

We didn't all finish, but we all survived.

I have thought long and hard about this race since that day. I have second-guessed myself and wondered if I did more harm to Marci by keeping her going than if I had let her back off and stop earlier, when we knew it wasn’t her day. I have had guilt that she ended up in the medical tent for an hour. I have had guilt that I couldn’t stay with her longer, that I asked Fiona to watch her and stay with her when I couldn’t. I feel awful that Mel had an incredible race and was alone for much of it, even though she kept hearing all of our voices in her head. I love that Kris cut 40 minutes off her time but I hate that she was by herself at the finish, with nobody to celebrate with her and sing and dance with her. I hate that Fiona’s stomach betrayed her yet again, and yet because of that we were able to catch up to her and have her with us during Marci’s toughest miles. There is so much that I wish could have been different about this day. I know none of it was in our control, really, and that we did the only thing we knew how to do, which was to toe the line and then Run It Out.

Could I have hit sub-five that day if things had gone differently? I don’t know, and I guess we will never know. I’m taking a break for a bit, but will be back to tackle my first 50-miler in November and a couple of trail 50ks leading up to them. I do know that Marci is back at it again, training for Chicago, and Fiona and Mel have new PRs at White Rock in their sights, and Kris is gunning for the same at Nike Womens’ in San Francisco. And next April, we all have a date. In Oklahoma City. See you then, y’all.

Friday Five: Summertime Edition

2011-06-03T06:49:00.000-06:00

Happy Friday, folks! It's the last day of school for the boys, so that means it's time to get our summer on!! Lots of camps & activities planned to keep them busy and out of trouble, plus we have a Disney trip to look forward to in July. Yay. I know I've neglected the blog for a while - maybe I will step it up during the summer.... ha, yeah, don't hold your breath!! Without further delay, here's your Friday Five!!

Yeah, I know, the last part of the OKC marathon report is still not done. I'm working on it. It is slow going. There's a lot to say. Soon. Maybe. Probably. I hope.
I pulled the Minneapolis Marathon off my schedule. I should be leaving tomorrow morning to run it on Sunday. But I decided midway through a hideous run on Tuesday that I didn't want to do it. Not that I couldn't do it, just that I didn't want to. I wasn't mentally prepared for the pain that I know comes with 26.2 miles. Especially when I've had so many missed runs this month, dealing with work and with my parents health issues and my own body revolting against me. Are these excuses? Maybe. Do I care? Not really. I know it's the right choice.
Confirming that this was the right call? An amazing outpouring of support from friends, runners and non-runners alike, that ranged from "smart call" to "thank goodness, we were about to stage an intervention." I have great people in my life and I know that they back me regardless of the number of miles I run and the number of stars I have on my Marathon Maniacs page.
I have huge bruises on both knees from running trails. Twice in a row I've gone down hard. Doesn't make me want to stop running trails, not at all! But I many need a summer wardrobe of capris instead of shorts - hubby is kinda embarrassed to be seen in public with my scabby banged up legs!!
I do not have an active training plan going on right now. I am trying to get over the guilt in not running every day. Or every other day even. I won't have a plan to follow until mid-July. And that's OK. I know it is. I just have to convince myself of it.

Beer & Bagels crew last weekend at MADD Northshore

Loving the trails.

Freeze your camelback, get hydration & first aid all at once!

I know, I know!!

2011-05-19T09:02:00.000-06:00

I promise I will get the final installment of the OKC race report done before the next OKC marathon, I will! But we interrupt this blog for a special reminiscence. Because today, my oldest son turns 16.

Yow. 16. He's driving now, still doesn't have his license since we started late, but he takes the controls of the EBV when we go to Scouts or the grocery store or to the gym. He is bulking up and filling into a more mature physique now, courtesy of 4x weekly workouts with a sport-specific strength & conditioning coach, plus speedskating workouts and hockey. He is no longer my baby boy. But, yet, when I look at him, no matter that he's taller than me now, no matter that he has grown into a handsome young man, I will always see the squidgy baby boy with cheeks and hair that they first showed me at nearly midnight 16 years ago. Happy Birthday!

Lucky #13... Not Quite... Part the Second

2011-05-11T10:53:00.002-06:00

So, Race Day. I had not slept well, despite the luxe accommodations. We scored us a sweet suite at the Marriott, courtesy of the very last of my dwindling status as a road warrior, so we had plenty of room for Kris & I to have our own queen beds, Megan to have a rollaway twin and Jason & Mel to share the pull-out bed in the living area. But, I had some family issues to contend with, pretty big ones, along with work stress toward the end of the week, so it had been several nights since I'd had solid sleep. Didn't matter. Alarms went off at 4:45 and we slowly started stirring in the room, getting dressed and prepping mentally and physically for what was ahead.

Getting dressed. Ah, yes. The shirts. Once we determined we had critical mass for this race, and that this was the event at which we were all going to gun for Sub-Five, it was decided that we should have shirts. The original idea was bright yellow shirts, the better to see us with, but when that didn't work out, we ended up with these superb white shirts with a custom logo designed by Fawn's husband Jack. We had them printed and shipped, and then we personalized them with our nicknames on the back, so people could cheer for us as we ran through town, happy and smiling and having a grand time.

Organizing the shirts! See how pretty!! SQUEEE!

Missing our cheerleaders Megan, taking the picture, and
Shannon, who couldn't make the trip last-minute =(

Megan in her tutu, ready to cheer, wet weather be damned!

The question for me had been whether to wear shorts, my Texas skirt or capris, especially as the temps forecasted continued to drop. I believe the best decision of the day was when I went with the capris, as I figured they were cool enough that even if it hit 80s later in the morning I would still be OK, but it would provide some warmth on my legs early on. Going with that logic, I'd pinned my bib on my leg, ultra-style, the night before, and laid out everything else I would need so it was easy to grab, even bleary-eyed and drowsy as we were. As we all finished getting dressed, we fueled up on bagels, bananas and Nutella, watching the clock and making our way downstairs at 5:30 to meet the other girls for the four-block walk to the start line.

Going down the elevator, we saw Marci and Bojana coming into the lobby, and then found Fiona shortly afterward. We all hit the very comfortable and clean Marriott lobby bathrooms one last time; while we were waiting for everyone to get done, I stepped outside and got a sneak peek at the weather - it was cool and VERY breezy. First reaction was "crap, it's COLD!" but then I quickly said, "That there's PR weather!!" a comment which a couple of other runners walking by applauded. After our required group photo, we gathered ourselves up and then headed out toward the start. No sooner did we walk out of the lobby, into the same morning air I had been out in FIVE minutes before than it started to rain. Wha?? This wasn't supposed to start for a couple of hours yet. Dangit!! Oh, well, let's just head over and see what's what.

We get half a block down the street and are greeted by a flash of lightning and a roll of thunder. And not the OKC basketball team, either. Seriously??? Then, a couple of folks walking toward us say there is a half-hour delay. A quick check verifies that the official marathon twitter account had tweeted the same, so we grabbed space under an awning to wait it out a bit. No use heading down to the crowded start when we didn't need to be there for another half-hour. We stood around for a while, then I turned on the mothering and made all the full runners sit down - no need to be on our feet any longer than necessary.

Waiting and watching the light show. No, we're not freaking out at all... Not one bit...

So we're waiting. And watching Twitter explode (those of us with phones, at least. My phone had been left behind and my camera was entrusted to Megan) with news of the weather and the delay. Meanwhile, the rain is NOT letting up. Nor is the thunder and lightning. If anything, the rain is getting heavier and wetter. And the anxiety is starting to mount. Nutrition is the first concern - our fuel is going to be off by the half-hour delay. Then the worry is about whether we will be warm enough. We're dressed for 40s at the start, but DRY 40s. Some of us have throwaway jackets, but they're cheap cotton, not designed for rainwear. Mel and I have nothing but our team shirts. Fiona gives Mel her bright green NTX Runner shirt since she has her jacket. Mel needs it more than I do - I have built-in warming with my extra layers of bulk - not being able to lose these last pounds has a benefit in the cold, I tell ya! Very quickly Bojana decides to run back to the hotel and get the disposable ponchos and angelically returns with big black garbage bags for the rest of us. Lifesavers!! So, now we are huddled in the dark, looking like the California Raisins in our big black bags, under an awning, furiously checking Twitter for updates and wondering if we are even going to get to run this stupid race. It doesn't look good, so we start checking MarathonGuide.com for May races, because dammit, we're trained and ready. Oh, and by the way, I NEED this damn race to level up for Maniacs. I'm going to freakin' Minnesota next month to complete my 6 in 6 months, so I HAVE to run this stupid race. How dare they consider calling it because of lightning?! And then, there's another strike of lightning, closer this time, and we all look at each other and shake our heads.

Thanks, Bojana! We would be dry for a little bit!

Marci & Bojana were super-styling in their clear ponchos! We were jealous!

Pretty soon, it's nearly 6:45, and it's time to do this if we're going to do this. And it's still raining, but we head down to the start. We pass the church with the pancake breakfast, and we pass the Memorial gate, but we're in too much of a hurry to stop in and see it, even though it is most striking in the early morning light, and even more haunting in the drizzle of that day. As we get closer, we see the big banks of the porta-potties, with no lines, thank you, small blessings, so we all hit them one last time before we try to find the start. And the wheelchair runners are off, and we hear the music, and if you've ever been at the start of a marathon, you know that there are basically two songs they play at the start of a marathon (unless you're in NYC and then you get Sinatra, natch), so we don't get Black Eyed Peas today, no, instead we are treated to Bono telling us It's a Beautiful Day. But it's not. Bono, you're a freakin' liar. It's not beautiful. It's STILL raining, and it's wet, and we haven't even started yet, and my shoes are wet and we're wearing garbage bags!! What the F$%@!!

We shoulda just had pancakes.

Picture makes it look like the rain stopped... it hadn't.

Throngs of people in the corrals. One day I will get into an OKC corral properly...

But, then, really, if you stop and think about it, he's not a total liar. It IS a beautiful day, because we get to do this crazy thing whic is our passion and our love, and we get to do it together, and we don't know what the next four, five, six hours holds for us, but we are starting together, and we'll be together at the end, somehow. We hand our sunglasses to Megan, because we realize, no we probably won't need those today. We stay together as much as we can, but it's crowded now, so very crowded, and it's hard to stick together. We wind our way through the crowd, then realize we are in the wrong corral - we are in the freakin' 5K corral!! People, MOVE! We have a race to run! And the gun goes off, and it takes a few minutes, but then we get into the right spot, and we've lost each other a bit, but it doesn't matter, it's time to run. Just run. Wet or not, thunder or not, whatever the day brings, we are in it now, so just Run It Out.

Next: The Actual Race. Promise!!

Lucky #13... Not quite....

2011-05-10T21:13:00.000-06:00

White Rock Lake Girls. Ready to Roll.

Seems like this race was a really long time ago, but it's actually been less than 10 days since we jumped into a rainy, wet mess in downtown Oklahoma City for this Race to Remember. Some of us had the race of a lifetime, crushing PRs, and others had less-than-ideal days, spending time in the medical tents after battling the elements. But for sure, all of us who toed the line that day will remember May 1 in Oklahoma City.

Dinner in Bricktown with Mike Moore, Kris & super-cheerleader Megan.

There is so much to tell, yet so much that cannot be described, about this weekend. If you weren't in the car with me and Kris and Megan, then you missed out on the laughs and the hysterical giggling over bad Cosmo magazine advice, and the realization that the elevator really works best if you ACTUALLY press the button. If you weren't at dinner in Bricktown on Friday night, then you missed discussing what kind of a handgun can squeeze into a fitness belt. We cut out sticky letters and figured out how to spell backwards so our nicknames on our shirts would be readable. I IRONED, for goodness sakes (those of you who know me well know that this is a feat more miraculous than me running 26 miles!)! At the expo, we had pancakes and met up with friends like Glenn and Jen.

At hotel after a very sketchy 2-mile run.
For the record, the concierge at the Marriott is probably NOT a runner.

Kris and PANCAKES! at the expo

Yay! Met DailyMiler Jen C at the expo!

Missing Mel at the expo. But we got her packet & bib!

We took turns getting foam rolled by Megan, who barely survived getting blown around Lake Hefner during her long run Saturday morning while Kris and I ran around Target buying sweatpants and jackets and stocking up on Nutella. Afterward we hung out with Marci and Bojana, revisiting the Cosmo articles (nope, advice did not get any better on second reading!) and relaxing and enjoying each other's company in comfort for once, instead of out on some sweaty path somewhere like we usually do.

Taking the limo to Bricktown. Because it's all of .16 miles away!

When Mel and Jason arrived from Dallas, we exchanged big hugs and then jumped into a stretch white limo for a four-block ride to dinner. Because that's how we roll! When we got to dinner, we were lucky enough to meet Nicole and Christie, along with their friend Melissa, and got more of a chance to talk to them in Oklahoma even though Nicole & Christie live in Fort Worth! (and, yes, Nicole, we *will* be running it out at your house this summer so we can jump in your pool!!). We laughed, we ate, Marci threatened anyone stealing her bread with death or at minimum loss of a digit. And then it was time to go back to the hotel and get ready for the next day. Because it was almost time.

Marci & Bojana - lovely ladies!

Kris and Mel! Can't tell Mel is a beast in this, can you?

Love, love, love this pic!

DFW Runners at Zio's

Carbed up & ready to roll!

Yes, it was almost time. The day that we had been training for and waiting for after months of preparation and and training and excitement had actually arrived. We had run together for our long runs, in varying permutations, throughout the spring. Mel and Fiona, Mel and Kris, Marci and Mel, me and Fiona, me with Mel and Kris, me with Kris and Marci. We had run miles at White Rock, miles at GRAW, loops around Marci's neighborhood and down Katy Trail and in Rockwall and in Allen. We had trained hard, and we had trained smart. We each had fits and starts with our training, tweaks and twinges, lung problems and GI issues, shoe fit problems and knees and IT bands and all manner of things that can get in the way, and none of it mattered on Saturday night. None of it. Because ready or not, we were there, and it was time to do the damn thing.

Marci, Mel, Kris and Fiona were each running their 2nd full marathon, and this was number 13 for me, but we all had the same goal. Sub-Five. Sub-Five or Bust. Let's Do This. We Got This. Everyone had lessons learned from their first race, and everyone was dialed in to what needed to happen for that goal to become reality. Kris and Fiona had to keep their stomachs in line, and get their nutrition right. Mel had to be able to breathe with both lungs. Marci had to get out of her head and let her legs do what they needed to do. I needed to have both knees work for a full 26 miles, and I needed to not give in to the urge to walk it out and just finish when it got hard. We had talked, and I had even posted, about how we decided that we would have our own race to run. Could we do it? We sure as hell were going to try.

All week long, the weather forecast had been getting better and better, with the highs dropping into the mid-50s. This was heavenly for us, as we had already been slogging through temps hittting high 80s for our last long run. We had already had our inaugural sprinkler run on our 20-miler in Grapevine, even though it was barely mid-April. After hideous heat both at Chicago and at Cowtown, we were excited about cool temps. We were not quite as excited about the forecasted winds, but figured any quarter we had to give to a headwind early on or at the lake we would get back with a nice tailwind heading into downtown in the homestretch. It was a sacrifice we were willing to make to have cooler temps. The chance of rain, well, 30 percent is kind of a low shot, right? And it wasn't supposed to move in until mid-day. With a 6:30 start and a 5-hour goal time, we'd be showered and having post-race cheeseburgers before the rain hit. Right? Maybe.

To Be Continued...